Good Different

This section contains the poems: “Even if You Have Friends, You Can Feel Alone,” “My Normal-Person Mask,” “New Neighbors,” “Mom,” and “Gaps.”

Selah sits with the same group of girls at lunch each day, a routine that has been in place since kindergarten. She sits with Noelle, who loves The Lord of the Rings (1955) and whom Selah considers her best friend, even though she is unsure whether Noelle feels the same. The group also includes Gemma, who is friendly and talkative; Addie, who is persistent and often distracts Selah; Cleo, who can be rude; and Laurel, who likes to share encouraging notes. Despite having known these girls for eight years, Selah feels increasingly disconnected from them. When the group focuses on discussing Cleo’s crush, Selah finds the topic uninteresting. She wants to talk about dragons but worries that she will appear strange to the others, so she listens quietly and feels out of place.

To get through the school day, Selah relies on what she calls her “Normal-person” look, an expression that she wears to appear calm and unfazed. Drawing helps her to stay centered, and when she becomes overwhelmed, she retreats to a bathroom stall until her feelings settle. Maintaining this façade is tiring, and once she returns home, she decompresses by listening to music and watching her favorite shows. This routine usually helps her to “recharge” enough to manage the next day.

Selah is frustrated by the new neighbors who recently moved in next door. They are loud and messy, and despite her mother’s repeated attempts to welcome them with homemade cookies, they never answer the door, even when they are visibly home. Selah admires her mother’s calm and gentle presence, describing her as “beautiful” and appreciating the fact that Sue never forces her to have conversations after school. This quiet time helps Selah to recover from her daily social exhaustion. Selah feels that her mother understands the world in a way she does not. In her mind, “Mom’s world makes sense” (29). Sue always seems prepared and brings cookies everywhere, and she taught Selah to draw. Sue herself specializes in oil portraits, painting Selah every year and keeping an older portrait of Selah’s father, who left the family long ago. Around the house, Selah notices several “gaps” that remind her of his absence, though she does not remember him and does not discuss him with her mother.

This section includes the poems: “‘It’s Not That Loud,’ Which Means ‘Actually It’s Really Loud,’” “Pop,” and “Rules to Being a ‘Normal’ Person.”

Selah has trouble sleeping whenever the neighbors host loud parties. Although her mother insists that the noise is not that disruptive, Selah can tell that Sue is also bothered as well; she overhears her mother pacing in the hallway and repeating reassuring phrases to herself, such as, “You’re doing great, Sue. / Everything is fine” (32). Selah wonders why they never say anything to the neighbors about the constant noise.

Pop—Selah’s grandfather and Sue’s father—lives next door as well. Unlike Sue, he speaks his mind freely without worrying about other people’s opinions. Selah feels connected to Pop, who tells her that they are “cut from the same cloth” (34). Pop enjoys eating breakfast at Bob Evans every weekend, but Selah finds the restaurant overwhelming because of the loud sounds and strong smells. Pop makes sure that she has drawing materials so that she can focus on something comforting while they are there. Sue, however, dislikes Selah’s habit of drawing at the table, viewing it as childish. While Sue steps away from the table, Pop confides that he keeps a small notebook with him and writes in it whenever he feels overwhelmed. He encourages Selah to try the same strategy, but she explains that drawing serves that purpose for her.

Selah maintains a personal list of social rules that she believes she must follow. These rules include avoiding conflict, not crying, not mentioning dragons, and avoiding anything that might be perceived as rude. She stops talking whenever someone looks away, and she never follows up when others do not respond. She knows that she is expected to say “fine” when someone asks how she is. She reminds herself to smile, to wait for explicit invitations, to stay quiet, and to avoid actions that might draw attention. She also tries to sit still, remain neat, make eye contact, and suppress her emotions. Although these rules are demanding, they make her feel safer.

One day, Laurel leaves Selah a note predicting that something “new” and “exciting” will happen—an idea that Selah finds unsettling. In homeroom, Mr. S announces that Selah earned the only A on the math test, which embarrasses her. Before lunch, Addie asks Selah for math help. Although Selah finds Addie overwhelming and wants to refuse, she knows that declining could appear rude. She therefore agrees and stays after school to tutor Addie, concealing her exhaustion and wishing that she could retreat to her quiet room. On the way home, Sue praises her for offering to help Addie every day, not realizing how drained Selah feels. When they return home, Selah retreats to her room, where she breaks down and reflects anxiously on the day.

This section includes the poems: “Swimming,” “For My Thirteenth Birthday, I Get:,” “The Worst Thing,” “Everything I Don’t Like about Big Sleepover Parties or Is This Supposed to Be Fun?,” “On My Homework for Why I Like Pebblecreek,” “Half an Hour before School Lets Out:,” and “The Incident.”

After helping Addie with math, Selah visits Noelle’s house to swim in her new pool. Selah’s bracelet slips off and sinks to the bottom. Noelle asks whether Selah will retrieve it, but Selah, who dislikes putting her head underwater, stares silently downward. Noelle dives down and retrieves the bracelet for her. As they sit by the pool, Noelle expresses frustration with Cleo and the others, who constantly talk about a boy named Matt and obsess over dating. Noelle explains that she has no interest in those topics. Selah agrees and briefly considers sharing her own deeper worries, but she hesitates. Selah fears that Noelle will not understand her sense that “the world presses in on [her]” (50).

For her 13th birthday, Selah receives several gifts: lotion from the girls at lunch, an uncomfortable dress from her mother, tickets to a fantasy-themed convention called FantasyCon, a unicorn key chain from Noelle, a book and journal from Pop, and a gift card from her father “with nothing else written inside / to let [her] know what he thinks of [her]” (52). After the neighbors host a loud party involving drinking, Sue suggests that Selah sleep over at Noelle’s house, partially to continue celebrating her birthday. Selah hopes that the night will help her feel closer to Noelle, but when she arrives, she discovers that the entire friend group has been invited. The evening is loud and overstimulating, and the girls play music and a game of “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.” Selah stays curled inside her sleeping bag while Addie pokes at her. When Cleo puts on a mature television show, Selah becomes overwhelmed, runs to the bathroom, locks the door, and cries. Afterward, the group becomes quiet, though the silence feels tense.

At school the next day, Selah receives a note from Mrs. V, who praises her poem about Pebblecreek. However, Addie persistently follows Selah and asks her why she cried at the sleepover. Selah does not respond because she is unsure of Addie’s intentions. Addie then moves closer to examine Selah’s unfinished drawing, making Selah uncomfortable. Though she wants to ask for space, Selah fears sounding rude and suppresses her reaction. While in the bathroom, she overhears Cleo and Laurel discussing whether Selah has autism. Laurel insists that Selah is not “that weird,” but Cleo believes that Selah has autism, describing “less bad” people with autism as simply smart and apathetic. Selah remains silent but reflects on how intensely she experiences the world.

At lunch, Gemma wonders aloud why there is so much violence around the globe. Selah thinks privately that it is difficult to “be reasonable” when someone feels unsafe; she wonders whether it is worse to wear the “Normal” mask or to reveal her true self. By the end of the day, Selah feels as though she might “burst open,” like a dragon egg cracking under pressure. During a noisy study hall, she struggles to focus on her drawing while blocking out the sound. Suddenly, Addie approaches her from behind and begins braiding her hair without asking. The sensation is painful, and before Selah can process her reaction, she screams and reflexively hits Addie, accidentally giving her a bloody nose.