Good Different

This section includes the poems: “Wish List,” “Good Different,” “No More Meltdowns,” and “At the End of the Day.”

At home, Selah searches online and discovers a store that sells sensory tools. She sends the link to her mother and asks for similar items for Christmas, but Sue dismisses the request, saying that Selah is too old for those toys. Selah is discouraged, but she keeps brainstorming new ways to manage her feelings. While riding in the car, she tries to explain to her mother what she calls “the dragon inside” of her (196). Sue insists that nothing is “wrong” with her, and Selah agrees, but she also feels that something about her is different—even though she is too nervous to say so directly.

Determined to support herself, Selah creates her own sensory toolkit using items that she already has, such as gummies, sunglasses, earplugs, and fidget toys. These tools help her to feel more comfortable at school, even though Ezra mocks her for wearing sunglasses indoors. In class, Mr. S becomes distracted by her toolkit. He tells her to stop eating in class, and when she explains that she is only chewing, he asks her if she is being “smart,” which confuses her. He then threatens to send her to the office and ultimately confiscates all her tools, placing her sunglasses on top of his head as if Sela’s “pain is just / another one of his jokes” (200). Selah remains silent, trying not to cry.

She later tells Pop that Mr. S took her items. The next day, Pop comes to the school. Ezra spots him through the window, and Selah quickly asks to go to the bathroom so that she can get to the office. There, she finds Pop angrily confronting Mrs. Tucker. Sue rushes in behind him, scolding Pop and saying that he could get Selah expelled. Hearing her mother’s frustration, Selah feels as though everyone sees her as a “problem.” Overwhelmed, she runs to the bathroom and hides in a stall until she can calm down enough to return to class.

At the end of the day, Mr. S returns her belongings but tells her not to bring them back to school. As Selah leaves the building, she overhears other students gossiping about her and her family.

This section contains the poems: “Pop Goes Missing,” “Favorite Spot,” “Powerless,” “Pop’s House,” “Maybe,” and “Words.”

That evening, Selah looks out the window and sees her mother walking down the street in her robe, calling for Pop. Selah runs outside. Sue tells her to go back inside and expresses regret for having yelled at Pop earlier. Pop is not answering his phone, and Sue becomes increasingly distressed, repeatedly calling out, “Dad, Dad. // Please come home” (207). Selah tries to comfort her, but Sue continues searching.

Selah decides to check all of Pop’s usual walking routes. She is not overly frightened, noting that he always returns home eventually. She finds him in the woods despite the rain. Pop says that Sue does not understand either of them; he questions Sue’s insistence that Selah attend Pebblecreek. Selah stops herself from defending the school and begins to wonder whether she truly belongs there. She asks if they can go inside, and Pop agrees. She texts her mother to let her know that Pop is safe.

Inside Pop’s house, Selah notices how crowded and disorganized the space is. Pop complains that Sue frequently tries to clean and reorganize his home. Although Selah typically takes his side, this time she agrees with her mother, though she does not say so aloud. The two begin talking about Pop’s argument with Sue. Pop says that Sue is too serious and holds her feelings inside. Selah points out that Pop knowingly did something that would upset Sue. He insists that he is simply being himself and says, “She should know by now / to not get so upset” (213). Selah realizes that although her own rules for making other people more comfortable may be overly restrictive, Pop’s approach lacks empathy.

Sue arrives, muddy and soaked from searching. When Pop tells her not to worry, Selah defends her mother, saying that he should be more considerate. Sue is taken aback by Selah’s bluntness, but Pop smiles and acknowledges that she has a “good point.” On their walk home, Sue thanks Selah for standing up for her. She rubs Selah’s back, and this time, Selah finds the touch comforting rather than overwhelming. Selah recognizes that her mother is also suppressing intense feelings.

This section contains the poems: “Poem for Pop,” “Sharing,” “Party,” “Evening,” “Sunday Morning,” “Why,” “Even If,” “The Only Words I Can Find,” and “Back.”

Selah writes a poem for Pop, in which she tells him that his strong feelings can sometimes hurt others; she encourages him to let Sue help clean his house. She leaves the poem in his mailbox.

When the day of Noelle’s birthday party arrives, Selah struggles with whether to tell her mother about it. She ultimately decides not to go and stays home. She wants to write a poem for Noelle but cannot find the right words. While searching for pencils, she comes across the key chain that Noelle gave her and begins to wonder whether she has treated Noelle unfairly. She decides to talk to Noelle directly, reasoning that either Noelle is still her friend and will forgive her, or she is not. In Selah’s mind, the uncertainty is worse than knowing. She reasons, “If she hates me, / it’s not like things / can get any worse” (225).

The next morning, Selah goes to Noelle’s house. When Noelle answers the door, Selah considers running away, but Noelle stops her and asks why she has been acting “weird” and ignoring her. Selah is surprised, having believed Noelle was the one avoiding her. She hands Noelle a poem and says she will understand if Noelle no longer wants to be friends. Noelle disagrees, saying that she is “weird,” too, and reaffirms their friendship.

Selah goes inside, and they make nachos together in the microwave. Noelle continues asking about Selah’s behavior, and Selah wishes that she had her yellow bracelet to communicate how she feels. Finally, she explains that when Noelle dismissed her reasons for hitting Addie, it hurt her feelings. Noelle responds that misunderstandings should not end friendships. Selah realizes that she made unfair assumptions, and both girls apologize. They agree to be more open with each other and to talk through their problems instead of withdrawing.

This section includes the poems: “Colored Feelings,” “Ready,” “Everywhere,” “All the Bulletin Boards,” and “Pebblecreek Family.”

Selah begins wearing her color-coded bracelets to school, usually starting with green in the morning and switching to yellow as she gets more overwhelmed. Some days, she needs to wear the red bracelet. Before PE one day, Noelle notices Selah wearing red and tells the teacher that Selah is not feeling well and needs to rest. Selah, who is unable to find the words herself, is grateful for Noelle’s help. Ezra mocks the bracelets, calling Selah “Traffic Light” and encouraging the other boys to make siren noises at her. In support of Selah, Noelle begins wearing her own bracelets as well; they are usually green, though she occasionally wears yellow.

In history class, while learning about Martin Luther, Selah realizes that she is ready to share her poetry more openly; she hopes that her writing can make a positive difference. After school, she approaches Mrs. V, who helps her by printing multiple anonymous copies of her poems. They discuss different ways of distributing them, and Selah decides to place the poems throughout the school, reflecting, “I wanted something / you could reach out and feel / with your hands” (240). After posting them, Selah experiences a powerful wave of mixed emotions—“like [she] could break out flying […] while also throwing up [her] lunch” (p. 241). One of the poems she posts, “Pebblecreek Family,” addresses her classmates directly. In the poem, she asks whether they know her name and tells them that she hears their insults and recognizes their bullying.