Hands

Trevor reveals that his stepfather hit his mother (whom he calls “Ma”). When Trevor was seven, his biological father died, and the grief caused him to be held back in school. He is now 12 and is in sixth grade. As the narrator, he introduces his family: his stepsister, Jess (age 17); his sister, Nikki (age 15); and Ma.

After Trevor’s stepfather joined the family, he forbade any mention of Trevor’s biological father. Trevor recalls one day when two elderly women commented on his resemblance to his handsome father; this angered his stepfather, who abruptly ended the conversation. On the night of the arrest, his stepfather received two additional years for parole violation and blamed Ma. Jess and Nikki then told Trevor that there was much he didn’t know about the situation.

The narrative shifts back in time to the moment of the arrest. As the police arrest Trevor’s stepfather, he shouts at Ma, threatening to get revenge on her for calling the authorities. The young Trevor questions how the arrest could be her fault when his stepfather hit her. Later that night, Jess and Nikki come to Trevor’s room and explain in whispers that over time, the abuse escalated from arguments to physical threats when his stepfather could not “win with words” (5). Jess reveals that the final fight began because his stepfather believed that Ma was raising Trevor to be too “soft,” as Trevor had refused to take boxing lessons. Jess recounts eavesdropping and hearing Ma yell that she was not scared, followed by a loud boom and silence. Now, as Trevor watches Ma ice her swollen eye, he makes a heartfelt promise to ensure that his stepfather never hits her again.

Immediately after the arrest, Trevor began having nightmares in which his stepfather was standing over Ma, taunting Trevor about his helplessness. He would wake up punching and kicking the air. To combat these feelings, he started doing push-ups and sit-ups while watching videos of famous boxers like Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson. He shadowboxed, imagining that he was hitting his stepfather to protect Ma.

Now, it has been two years since the arrest, and Trevor has grown two feet and is now nearly six feet tall at age 12. Ma affectionately calls him her “gentle giant,” but Trevor questions whether he can remain gentle when he believes that he must be a giant to protect his mother. He wonders who he would be if Ma had never met his stepfather.

Trevor recalls a memory from before the arrest when he and his stepfather witnessed a teenage boy mistreating his girlfriend. The incident prompted his stepfather to make Trevor promise to protect his sisters no matter what. The man then showed Trevor his own cracked knuckles and told him to use his fists for protection. At the time, Trevor made the promise. Now, however, as he reflects on the situation, he feels torn, realizing that the person who taught him to be a protector is the very person from whom he needs protection. This thought leaves him deeply confused about the nature of right and wrong.

Last summer, Trevor met Pete, who goes by “P,” when the boy moved into his building. Trevor first saw P being kind to Little Cole, an eight-year-old neighbor who draws in their hallway. As a child, Trevor also used the safe, quiet hallway as his sanctuary for drawing. Now, as Cole does the same, Trevor checks on him. On the day that Trevor and P met, P was praising Cole’s artwork when Trevor came out and introduced himself. P and Trevor bonded instantly, developing secret handshakes and a close friendship.

P is adopted and has no siblings. Both boys prefer solitude, which strengthens their bond. One morning, P shows Trevor an array of old boxing gloves and pads that his father plans to discard. Trevor insists that they keep the equipment for training, and they begin working out that day at an empty stadium across from the recreation center. P holds the pads and encourages Trevor to hit harder. When Trevor visualizes his stepfather’s face on the pads, he unleashes a furious barrage of punches, shocking P, who braces himself and encourages his friend to hit even harder. Trevor’s next punch is so forceful that P must remove a pad and shake his hand. P calls Trevor a monster, but Trevor reflects that the real monster has not yet emerged.

Trevor sees a photograph on Ma’s nightstand; it shows her and his stepfather at Old Timers’ Day, looking happy together. The image reminds him of better times when his stepfather behaved kindly by cooking dinner, shopping for groceries, and helping with homework. Trevor wonders how Ma can keep the photo beside her bed and still love his stepfather after he hit her. Confused, he questions whether the situation is as bad as he remembers, and he feels torn, wondering if Ma’s love for the man means that Trevor should also love him.

At the stadium, P teaches Trevor one of Mike Tyson’s punching combinations. They practice until they perfect the rhythm, laughing and having fun. Exhausted, they rest against a fence, and P suggests that they need a fighting goal to aim for. Trevor tells P about being jumped by 10 classmates when he was only 10 years old.

The incident was instigated by a boy named Chris because his girlfriend called Trevor “cute.” At the time, Trevor heard Ma’s advice about de-escalation in his head, but these tactics failed. Friends of his stepfather intervened, scaring the attackers away. His stepfather then insisted that Trevor fight each boy, even though they were too scared to face him. Ma argued that fighting only leads to more trouble.

Now, unaware of the full story, P praises Trevor’s stepfather for having heart and for being good with his hands. Trevor mentions that his stepfather once beat up three men at once.

P says that that in order to solve problems, “sometimes you just gotta throw hands” (20). He calls Trevor’s stepfather “the Man” because of his fighting prowess. Trevor wants to tell P about the abuse but does not want to speak ill of his own family. When P asks if his stepfather fights fair without weapons, Trevor hesitates, wondering whether he can make that claim. P asks where his stepfather is, and Trevor accidentally blurts out the truth that the man is in jail. He admits that he previously lied because he was embarrassed by this fact. P is understanding and asks if his stepfather was incarcerated for fighting. Trevor confirms this but does not reveal the full details. To change the subject, he tells P to put the training pads back on, claiming that he needs to reach his stepfather’s level so that he can also solve problems with his hands.

Trevor recalls that people used to say that he and his stepfather were similar in walk and height, and this fact now annoys him intensely. He insists to himself that his stepfather is not his “real” father. Among Trevor and his siblings, the ultimate insult is to say that one of them acts or looks like their stepfather. Trevor remembers getting angry when Nikki compared his angry eyes to the stepfather’s, leading to a tense confrontation with his sisters. Now, he repeats his internal mantra: that he is not his stepfather.

Trevor admires a photo of Ma on his mirror, tracing her gentle smile and wondering why no one says that he resembles her. Ma enters with one of his old fourth-grade drawings and hangs it on his wall, asking him why he stopped drawing. She then praises his positive influence on Little Cole. When she notes that his boxing posters have replaced the superhero drawings that once covered his wall, Trevor says that real boxers are superheroes too. Ma tells him that he is a real-life superhero, and not just because of his physical strength. After she leaves to cook dinner, Trevor stares at his old drawing, feeling torn and conflicted.

Jess enters Trevor’s room and admires the drawing that Ma hung. At her request, Trevor retrieves a shoebox of his old artwork from the closet. Jess looks through the drawings and is particularly impressed by a detailed one of actor and wrestler Dwayne Johnson. She praises Trevor’s ability to convey emotion in faces and explains that she is trying to teach this skill at her community-center program. She asks if Trevor would help teach art there. Trevor expresses doubt about his ability and his desire to draw again. Jess takes his hand, rubbing his cracked knuckles, and asks him to promise to at least consider it. Seeing her sincerity, Trevor agrees to think about it.

While Trevor and P walk to the stadium, P mentions a well-known neighborhood fight between a man named Puff, whom Trevor calls his uncle, and another young man named Whiz. Trevor recalls that witnessing the respectful one-on-one bout inspired him to want to learn boxing.

The narrative flashes back to a moment when Trevor asked Ma about learning to box. She revealed that his maternal grandfather had been a skilled boxer who had nearly gone professional. Trevor grew excited, believing that fighting was in his blood. However, Ma cautioned him that his grandfather only fought out of necessity, and she went on to say that Trevor had the benefit of other talents and choices.

In the present, P reveals that the same fight inspired him to want to box. After the boys realize that neither of them has been in a real one-on-one fight, P suggests that they train at the recreation center to learn properly.

Trevor and P enter the intense, smelly boxing gym at the recreation center. Everyone stops working out to stare at the newcomers. Trevor notes that the fire he feels inside mirrors the intensity in everyone else’s eyes. Music plays loudly, and the rap lyrics about knowing only pain resonate with him. Trevor believes that the men here can teach him how to handle his stepfather. P says that he and Trevor look soft and need to walk with a tougher attitude, so they imitate the walks of others in the gym. Once the boys appear less vulnerable, the other patrons return to their workouts. Trevor tells P that being there feels right because it will prepare them for whatever comes next. P assumes that he means fights with other kids, but Trevor is thinking about his stepfather.

The men in the gym remind Trevor of absent male relatives who are incarcerated or deceased. He thinks about his boxing grandfather and wishes that the man were alive to deal with his stepfather. Trevor and P observe the trainers; one with a unique, cowboy-like walk seems uninterested in them. As a different trainer angrily yells at a trainee, the trainer with the cowboy walk remains calm and encouraging. He gently advises a jump-roping trainee to slow down and conserve leg strength for later sparring, explaining that power comes from the legs and base. Trevor and P are drawn to this trainer’s relaxed yet caring demeanor, and Trevor reflects that this is how a good father would act.

During their first two weeks at the gym, Trevor and P work out every morning before school. One day, they overhear two muscular men discussing Muhammad Ali’s training philosophy: Only start counting repetitions after the pain begins. The men perform a high number of knuckle push-ups using this method. Trevor suggests that he and P try the same approach. They begin doing push-ups together, waiting until their muscles start burning before they start counting. The immense effort causes their bodies to shake. When P passes gas due to the exertion, they both collapse and briefly laugh, but they quickly hide their smiles, knowing that the serious gym atmosphere does not permit levity.

Exhausted from his nightmares and his morning workouts, Trevor falls asleep in Ms. Clark’s English class during a lesson on Martin Luther King, Jr.’s views on retribution. Ms. Clark, whom Trevor likes and compares to Ma, wakes him after class and expresses concern about his recent sleepiness. Trevor apologizes and admits that King’s teachings do not feel relevant to his real-life problems. He vaguely mentions having issues at home and says that his stepfather is gone. Ms. Clark offers her assistance, but Trevor declines. Feeling guilty for dismissing her concern, he apologizes as he leaves. Ms. Clark tells him that he has promise and should not waste it. The word “promise” resonates deeply with him.

On the packed train home, Trevor feels isolated despite being surrounded by carefree kids. He notices a young boy playing with a fidget spinner and sees the tool as a metaphor for his own life. He feels that he is spinning rapidly but has been stuck in one place ever since his stepfather’s arrest two years ago. Trevor feels that his stepfather’s threatening promise to Ma has kept him trapped. When he observes a happy family, he feels that their son has real promise and freedom, unlike himself. He reflects on Ms. Clark’s words but does not believe that he has promise.

After three weeks of the same routine at the gym, Trevor tells P that they need to change their routine. He points toward the boxing ring as a suggestion. Trevor notices the trainer with the cowboy walk staring at him with curiosity. The trainer squints at Trevor as if trying to place his face, though they have never met. Intrigued, Trevor decides to approach the trainer and find out why he keeps staring.

As Trevor and P approach the trainer, the man’s trainee gives the two boys hostile, unwelcoming looks. P becomes nervous, but Trevor encourages him to keep moving forward. The trainer motions for his trainees to resume working out and smiles at Trevor and P. Trying to project confidence, Trevor tells the trainer that they want to train with him. P gives Trevor a shocked look, surprised by his directness.

The trainer introduces himself as Quick, a name that surprises Trevor, given the man’s slow, rocking walk. Quick asks for their names, ages, and grades but focuses his gaze entirely on Trevor’s face with a look suggesting recognition. Quick asks if Trevor had an uncle named Lou. Surprised, Trevor confirms this. Quick reveals that Lou told him about Trevor and that Lou was family to him.