Hands

Rick releases Nikki and assumes a fighting stance. He throws a punch that stops just short of Trevor’s nose, pushes him, and calls him a “punk.” Trevor shoves Rick aside, turns to the hallway window, and punches through it in sheer fury, shattering the glass. Rick’s crew stares in shock, and one notes that the punch nearly hit Rick’s face. Trevor turns back to Rick, feeling powerful and uninhibited as he watches Rick’s aggression wilt away. Nikki tells Trevor that his hand is bleeding; blood drips steadily onto the floor from his lacerated knuckles. Trevor notices eight-year-old Little Cole standing at his apartment door, looking scared and confused by the violence. As Cole retreats inside, Trevor hears a police walkie-talkie. A police officer sees them through the broken window and orders them all not to move.

Rick and his crew immediately flee to the roof, planning to escape by hopping to another building and exiting onto a different block. Nikki urges P to get Trevor inside before the police arrest him for the window. She uses her pink hoodie to wipe Trevor’s bloody trail from the hallway floor. Inside the apartment, P anxiously questions Trevor about his hand, even as he worries that the police might enter the apartment. Trevor expresses concern for Little Cole, who witnessed everything. Nikki enters, locks the door, and orders Trevor to rinse his hand. When the police bang on the apartment door, Trevor fears that everyone could be arrested. Nikki whispers that Ma or Jess might come home and let the police in, so Trevor must clean the blood. In the bathroom, Trevor blames Nikki for the entire situation. P checks Trevor’s hand and determines that it is only cut, not broken. While Trevor continues blaming Nikki, P praises him for demonstrating his power without actually fighting Rick, citing their philosophy that they can use their hands to solve their problems. However, Trevor questions whether the problem is truly solved.

The police stop knocking. Trevor reflects on his stepfather’s actions, troubled by the realization that his own behavior shows similarities; he is now in trouble with the police for using his hands for violence. He then recalls his stepfather making him promise to protect his sisters with his fists. Nikki enters and announces that the police have stopped knocking and left their floor. She angrily calls Trevor an “idiot.” Expressing her hope that his hand is broken, she demands to know what he will tell Ma about the window. Trevor is confused by her anger because he believes that his violence justified, given that he was acting on lessons from his stepfather and P. Yet despite his belief that he can solve his problems with his hands, Trevor begins to wonder if he himself is the problem.

When Ma arrives home and sees the broken glass and Trevor’s injured hand, she moans in the same way she did when Trevor’s stepfather was arrested. Nikki begins telling her side of the story, talking over Trevor, who realizes that his mother’s hurt expression is more painful than his hand. After a tense silence, Ma asks Trevor to explain the window. He tells her everything. Ma warns him that using his hands this way will lead him to jail like his stepfather. She asks what would have happened if the police had caught him. Trevor resolves that he does not want something like this to happen again because he does not want to scare Little Cole, worry his sister, or hurt his mother. However, he remains deeply conflicted, feeling a duty to protect his family even though he does not know how to do so without violence.

At school, Trevor stops in Ms. Clark’s classroom doorway as she works at the smart board, and she invites him in. He feels guilty for his poor performance in her class. He sees a fidget spinner on her desk and compares himself to it again, reflecting that he is also spinning fast but stuck in one place. Ms. Clark notices the bandages on his knuckles, and he hides his hand. She tactfully ignores it and continues the conversation. Trevor says that he came to discuss her previous comment, when she said that he had promise. Ms. Clark reassures him that he still does.

Trevor acknowledges that he has been sleeping in class and letting his grades slip; he wants to explain that his issues come from a promise he made to his family. Ms. Clark listens with concern and love in her eyes. When she asks if he wants to share or receive advice, he declines. She tells him that it is acceptable to keep promises, but only if they do not harm him or anyone else or jeopardize his potential. Trevor spots a picture of Muhammad Ali on the smart board and shares the bit of trivia about Ali only counting exercise repetitions once his muscles start hurting. Ms. Clark is impressed and praises Trevor for being a thinker who asks good questions and brings real-world knowledge into class. She jokes that he likely has even more promise when he isn’t sleeping. She then encourages him to talk to her whenever he needs support.

After school, Trevor is preoccupied with thinking about the broken glass in his hallway; he wants to clean it up for Little Cole’s sake. When he approaches his building, he sees police officers near the entrance, questioning a teenager about the broken window. As Trevor’s mood plummets, he turns away before the police can see him. He reflects that he might be feeling what his stepfather felt when the police came for him, and this thought disturbs him. He considers leaving his life behind and taking a train somewhere else, but as he approaches the train station, Uncle Larry shouts his name. Trevor feels instantly relieved, describing Larry as the uncle he most needs; Larry represents the opposite of most men in Trevor’s life because he escaped the projects.

Uncle Larry jokes with Trevor, and Trevor’s laughter breaks his bad mood. As the two discuss Black Panther, Larry expresses the need for more movies featuring Black people in other worlds. He contrasts this title with the lack of diversity in the original Star Wars films. When Trevor reveals that he has never seen the original trilogy, Larry is shocked. He checks with Ma, who agrees that Trevor can go with him. Trevor’s day is transformed. As he goes to his uncle’s book-filled apartment to watch an original Star Wars movie, he views this turn of events as an escape on top of an escape.

On the way to Larry’s apartment, they stop at a bodega for candy. A very thin man calls out to Larry in Spanish, but Larry takes the joke in stride—unlike Trevor’s stepfather, who would have fought the man. In the store, Trevor hesitates to pick candy, remembering his mother’s rule against being greedy. Larry playfully pretends to buy terrible candy, prompting Trevor to choose M&Ms, Twizzlers, Airheads, and Snickers. As Larry pays, Trevor feels as though he is a small, innocent child again, with no problems.

At his apartment, Uncle Larry lets Trevor choose which Star Wars movie to watch. Trevor picks Return of the Jedi. They watch together, joking and reacting to scenes. Larry does impressions of movie sounds and characters, including an accurate Darth Vader voice that cheers Trevor up. Trevor’s phone vibrates with a message from P, but he pockets it without responding, wanting to enjoy the moment. Larry playfully pretends to use the Force to move a candy bar, and Trevor joins the game by handing it to him.

Trevor compares Ma to Yoda for her wisdom, which amuses Larry. The mood shifts when the film shows Luke Skywalker preparing to fight his father, Darth Vader. Trevor sees a parallel to his own situation and feels as though he is watching his future. He tries to pause the movie by requesting more snacks, but Larry sees through the excuse and pauses it himself. Larry asks if the scene is bothering Trev, who reveals his anxiety by asking if Luke wins the battle. Larry correctly identifies the connection: Trevor is Luke, and his stepfather is Darth Vader. Seeing Trevor’s bruised knuckles, Larry asks if he plans to fight his stepfather. Trevor decides to confide completely in his uncle.

Trevor reveals to Uncle Larry that his stepfather is getting out of jail next month. He explains that he has been working out so that he will be strong enough to fight his stepfather and protect Ma. Larry tells Trevor that his mother is a force all by herself, citing her strength in calling the police and staying out of trouble. He explains that it takes strength for Ma to choose to be a rainbow in her children’s lives. Larry argues that solving problems with anger is the “Darth Vader way” and will not lead anywhere good (117). He points out that Trevor’s stepfather is not physically present, so Trevor is imprisoning himself with stress and anger. Larry warns that using his hands to fight will only make Trevor an imitation of his stepfather. He urges Trevor to let him and others help with the situation.

While walking home from Larry’s, Trevor reflects on his uncle’s offer of help. He recalls Uncle Frankie dismissing his family’s problems. As he reflects on the school banner’s message about a village raising a child, he realizes that he might have a village after all. He mentally lists the people who support him: Nikki, Jess, Ma, Ms. Clark, his uncles, and Quick from the rec center. He concludes that many people truly have his best interests at heart.

Arriving at his building, Trevor finds P waiting with an upset expression. Trevor explains that he was at Uncle Larry’s because the police came. P reveals that the police caught and questioned him about the broken window. P recounts his interrogation, where he denied knowing anything about the window. Trevor feels intensely guilty for getting P into trouble.

P says that Trevor’s stepfather would have handled Rick on day one, praising his fighting ability and heart. Tired of hiding important things from his friend, Trevor reveals the truth: that his stepfather is in jail for hitting Ma. P is shocked and calls the act “foul.” Trevor cries in front of P for the first time. He angrily states that his stepfather does not have heart. He vows to fight his stepfather if the man tries to hurt Ma again. P warns him that fighting his stepfather will not end well, and Trevor that reveals his stepfather will be released within the month. They sit in silence as the sun sets and Trevor’s tears dry.

Nikki comes to Trevor’s room to talk. After a playful exchange of insults, they laugh. She sincerely apologizes, acknowledging that Trevor was only trying to protect her and admitting that she was wrong about Rick. She acknowledges that she brought someone into the family who hurt them, just like their stepfather does. Trevor nudges her, silently reaffirming their bond.

In bed late that night, Trevor stares at his posters of Creed and Muhammad Ali, questioning whether fighting is the right path. He feels guilty for getting P in trouble with the police and for scaring Little Cole. He concludes that punching the window did not solve anything. Hearing the voices of his uncles and Quick in his head, he realizes that fighting turns him into his stepfather. Feeling overwhelmed and emotionally fragile, he gets out of bed and does push-ups until he’s exhausted. He then falls into bed and melts into sleep.

In a dream, Trevor finds himself outside of his apartment amid flashing police sirens. He sees Ant, a neighborhood kid who died a year ago, and Ms. Louise’s family, who moved away, and realizes that he’s dreaming about his stepfather’s arrest. He sees his family looking sad in the distance and tries to yell that they should be happy that his stepfather is in the police car, but no sound comes out of his mouth. Suddenly, a police officer says Trevor’s name, and Trevor realizes that he, not his stepfather, is the one in the back of the police car. The cop says, “Like father, like son” (125), and Trevor sees that his own fists are bloody and handcuffed. P appears next to him in handcuffs, robotically repeating, “Sometimes you gotta throw hands” (126). As the car drives away, Trevor sees his stepfather with a bruised face standing behind Ma, wrapping an arm around her possessively. Trevor tries to scream a warning but remains voiceless.

The next morning, Trevor is exhausted from his nightmare. He waits for his sisters to leave for school so that he can speak with Ma alone. He asks if she has ever considered moving away to escape his stepfather. He reminds her of the threat that his stepfather made when he was arrested. Ma promises that she will not let anything happen to them. When Trevor begins to declare what he will do if his stepfather hurts her, she grabs his hands and tells him to stop. She acknowledges his worry and reassures him that she has been thinking about the situation and will do what is best for the family.

After school, Trevor finds Little Cole in the hallway, mimicking punches and pointing at the broken window. Cole says that he wants to be strong like Trevor. Trevor is upset that Cole is admiring him for an act of violence. Remembering his mother’s words about being a good influence, he gets white copy paper and colored pencils from his apartment. He sits with Cole in the hallway and offers to teach him a different way to be skilled with his hands. Trevor begins teaching Cole how to draw and shade a character’s face to show emotions. Cole is deeply engaged. Though they are only drawing, Trevor feels that this moment represents real power.

The next day, Uncle Puff pulls up in his car and invites Trevor for a ride to show off the vehicle’s new features. He demonstrates a sound system with LED floor lights that sync to the music’s beat. With tinted windows rolled up and glowing dashboard lights, the atmosphere feels like a club on wheels. Trevor gets lost in the music, his mind shutting off in a welcome escape. When Puff stops the car, Trevor realizes that they’re parked outside Uncle Frankie’s garage. Puff explains that Frankie asked him to bring Trevor. Trevor agrees to talk to Frankie, feeling that his perspective has changed since their last encounter. Frankie comes out to meet them, and Trevor tells Puff that he’ll walk home afterward.

Trevor and Uncle Frankie enter the garage office together. Trevor notes that the office looks the same, but he no longer feels like a protected child. Frankie says that he’s been thinking about Uncle Lou and his wish for Trevor, and he realizes that Trevor needs help. He pounds his heart and promises to help with the situation with Trevor’s stepfather. Relieved, Trevor sits down as Frankie reiterates his promise. Trevor explains that he was angry at Frankie before, but now he understands and believes that he does have a “village” to support him. Frankie confirms that he’s part of that village. Frankie gets sodas for them both, and they laugh together. Sitting there smiling, Trevor begins to feel cared for and hopeful again. As he looks at the napkin with the rainbow quote taped to the wall, he feels that “the future could be full of promises [he] want[s]” (135). He also knows that he has a supportive community to help him make the right choices.