Heartstopper: Volume One

Nick is sitting in bed with his laptop at night and thinking about Charlie. He remembers last year when Charlie came out as gay and the whole school started bullying him for it. After what happened earlier that day with Ben, Nick is worried about how Charlie is feeling and starts trying to text him. He types and deletes several messages, unsure what to say or how to say it. He lands on, “Hey, I just wanted to check you’re okay, Ben’s such a dick!!!” (104), which makes Charlie smile. Charlie says he is fine, but Ben is skeptical and assures Charlie he is his friend and cares. Charlie explains that Ben approached him after news got out that he was gay and started kissing him after a very short conversation. Charlie found it romantic at first but realized fairly quickly that he was being used. Nick assures Charlie that he will protect him and tells him not to see Ben anymore. Charlie thanks Nick for being there for him both during the Ben incident and in general. Nick sends a smiley face and heart emoji, and Charlie replies with a heart. Both boys fall into a daze thinking of one another. The next day, Tao Xu starts lecturing Charlie about spending too much time with Nick. He thinks Nick is straight and watching Charlie flirting with him all the time makes Tao Xu upset. He tells Charlie to give up on Nick because it will just cause him pain in the end, but Charlie knows he cannot do that because he is already falling for Nick.

By March, Nick and Charlie are becoming close friends. Nick shows Charlie a picture of his dog, Nellie, and invites Charlie over to meet her on Saturday. Saturday arrives, and Charlie’s sister Tori, who has long dark hair and the same shy smile as Charlie, spots him getting ready to meet Nick. Charlie has cut his hair a bit shorter, and Tori is happy to hear that Charlie is going to meet a boy. Charlie walks over to Nick’s house and is greeted by Nick and Nellie at the door. Charlie cannot stop blushing and loves Nellie right away. Nick notices Charlie’s hair and brushes his hand through it, causing an awkward moment as the two become flustered. Nick shows Charlie around, and Nellie licks Charlie’s nose, endearing Nick to him. The boys play Mario Kart, and Nick starts teasing Charlie about how he is good at everything, and then they notice it is snowing outside. The boys stare out the window together, in awe of the beauty of it. They decide to go out and enjoy the weather, and Nick lets Charlie borrow one of his hoodies, which is much too large for him. They have a snowball fight, make snow angels, and catch snow with their tongues. Charlie gets cold, so the boys go inside, and Nick gives Charlie a blanket. Charlie looks up at him with love in his eyes, and then it is time for him to head home for dinner. After Charlie leaves, Nick’s mother makes a comment that makes Nick think: “He’s very different from your other friends, isn’t he? You seem much more like yourself around him” (157). Because Charlie is not a jock like the other boys Nick hangs out with, Nick feels like he does not have to try to be cool or tough around Charlie. Nick goes to his room, lost in thought, and browses through the photos he took of Charlie that day in the snow. Charlie arrives home. Tori catches Charlie smelling the borrowed hoodie asks if he is okay. Charlie tells Tori he “fell for a straight boy” (162); she comforts him with a hug.

The next weekend, Nick comes to Charlie’s house instead. Charlie shows Nick his skills on the drums and tries to teach him. The two boys share the tiny drummer’s stool, and Charlie holds Nick’s hands as he plays the drums for him. Charlie gets up, again feeling flustered. Later, Charlie is doing his homework, but Nick gets bored and decides to wrestle him. He ends up on top of Charlie. They continue wrestling until Charlie relents and both boys stare at each other, inadvertently holding hands and blushing. Nick suggests Mario Kart to break the tension. Nick meets Charlie’s family, then the boys settle onto the couch for a movie. Charlie falls asleep and Nick moves to try to hold his hand. Still unsure of himself or whether he is even gay, he backs off. When Charlie wakes up, Nick decides to go home. He tells Charlie he looks cuddly in his blanket and gives him a hug, which shocks Charlie. Nick is confused and concerned because he does not understand the feelings he is having. After he leaves, Tori comments that Nick probably is not straight. Nick walks home, upset and unsure of what to do or why he is having feelings for Charlie. He opens his laptop and types in the words “am I gay?” (190) into the search bar after much hesitation. He spends hours searching, reading, and looking at pictures of Charlie. He eventually becomes frustrated, curls up in bed, and begins to cry.

April comes around, and Charlie feels like Nick is really starting to like him romantically. He notices Nick’s gazes and that Nick hugs him a lot and seems to want to spend all his time with Charlie. Charlie is sitting as a reserve at the rugby game and texts Tao Xu to tell him Nick, but Tao instills doubt again by telling Charlie that Nick likes a girl named Tara Jones at another school. Nick runs over to tell Charlie they won the game and picks Charlie up in a hug. Charlie is thrilled but remembers what Tao said and holds back his feelings. He brushes some dirt off Nick’s cheek, and three boys on the team are in the distance talking about how Nick must have a crush on Charlie. One comments that Nick does not look gay, and Miss Singh interrupts to remind him that “you can’t tell whether people are gay by what they look like. And gay or straight aren’t the only two options” (204). She tells the boys they are being rude and to go home. One makes a final comment: “I can kinda see it. Nick and Charlie” (205), and Charlie and Nick walk off as Nick puts his arm around Charlie.

Nick invites Charlie to a house party, and Charlie reluctantly agrees. The party is inside a hotel, and it takes a while for Charlie to find Nick. Nick asks Charlie if he wants to go somewhere quieter and get a drink, and the two sit at a table in the bar away from the party and talk. Harry, the boy whose birthday party it is, and two of Nick’s rugby teammates who were speculating about Nick and Charlie previously come to interrupt, telling Nick that Tara is at the party. Nick insists that he barely knows Tara, but he is dragged to meet her anyway. To be polite, Nick begins making conversation with her, and Charlie feels hurt watching them talk. He walks off, calling himself stupid, and accidentally runs into Ben. Nick finds out that Tara is actually gay, and he and Tara laugh off the awkward moment together. Tara asks about Charlie and assures Nick that he can talk to her any time, sensing that he may be insecure about liking Charlie. Nick asks his group of friends if anyone knows where Charlie went, and Harry and Sai question why Nick is Charlie’s friend and Harry teases him cruelly. Nick gets angry and calls Harry “homophobic” (224) before walking away to find Charlie at a table alone. Charlie admits to running into Ben and explains that Ben wanted to apologize but tried to grab Charlie again. This time, Charlie stood up for himself and pushed Ben way, telling him, “Do not fucking touch me” (230). Nick is proud of Charlie and squeezes his hand. Nick asks Charlie if he wants to go somewhere quiet again, and the two hold hands as they leave the hall together. Charlie is amazed that Nick is being so open with him suddenly, but when he senses that Nick is becoming nervous, he distracts him with a race. They end up in a room with a high ceiling and immaculately decorated walls and furnishings. They sit down and Charlie asks Nick if he likes Tara. Nick assures him that he does not, so Charlie asks if he has a crush on anyone else. He asks Nick if he would “kiss someone who wasn’t a girl” (246), specifically himself, and Nick says yes. The two kiss, blushing and holding hands. Nick becomes overwhelmed and pulls away for a moment, but soon they are kissing again, even more passionately than before. Nick becomes embarrassed, as he is still not completely certain he wants to be with a boy, and someone starts calling for him. Nick leaves Charlie alone in the room, and Charlie feels like he must have done something wrong. He starts saying “I’m sorry” over and over to himself, worried he messed everything up. Volume one ends.