Heated Rivalry

“Every face-off he had taken against Rozanov, the Russian had looked him dead in the eye and smirked. Shane was not easily shaken by anyone, but that goddamn smirk threw him off balance every time. Maybe it was just that, after a life of playing at a level above everyone else, Shane had finally met his match. He was sure that was all it was.”

Shane decides that his feelings towards Ilya stem from a sense of challenge and rivalry, refusing to acknowledge his attraction to the other man. This first exchange between the pair shows both characters dismissing their instant attraction as something else, a pattern that continues throughout the novel, highlighting Rivalry as a Mask for Emotional Vulnerability. Shane’s first interactions with Ilya end with Shane’s loss. However, the pair trade wins and losses throughout the novel.

“For the rest of his life, Shane Hollander would have to live with the fact that he had ended his NHL draft day by getting himself off to thoughts of Ilya Rozanov.”

This moment functions as Shane’s sexual awakening, forcing him to confront an attraction he cannot explain or dismiss. Rather than prompting self-reflection, the experience increases his anxiety, as he immediately tries to rationalize or contain what he feels. In doing so, Shane illustrates The Psychological Cost of Compartmentalizing Identity, suppressing desire in order to preserve the version of himself he believes is required by his career and public image.

“Ilya told himself the twisted feeling in his stomach was just jealousy, but he was terrified that it was something much, much worse.”

After losing his first game to Shane and an annoying call from his brother, Ilya frames his irritation as jealousy and rivalry. However, he fixates on Shane’s ease, beauty, and confidence, exposing feelings that go beyond competition. This moment illustrates a recurring pattern in which Ilya masks attraction as resentment while obsessively watching Shane, and vice versa.

“And Shane Hollander was a bad fucking idea. The worst idea. Wrong in every way imaginable. Two men. Two NHL players, poised to be the two biggest stars in the league soon enough. Two bitter rivals on opposing teams that had hated each other for almost a hundred years.”

Ilya demonstrates a keen awareness of how dangerous his feelings for Shane are in the world of professional hockey. He shows how fully he understands the risks the relationship poses to his career, reputation, and safety. The intensity of the language highlights The Tension Between Personal Fulfillment and Public Expectation, as Ilya recognizes that what he wants most directly conflicts with everything he is supposed to be.

“His own anger left him, and he found himself caring about Ilya Rozanov, which was an odd sensation.”

Shane goes to find Ilya to flaunt his Rookie of the Year win. However, when he finds him, their rivalry begins to fracture. Seeing Ilya’s sadness, Shane feels concern, showing that his feelings extend beyond competition. The description of caring as “odd” reflects how unfamiliar and unsettling emotional vulnerability feels to him, highlighting Rivalry as a Mask for Emotional Vulnerability.

“Maybe Ryan Price was weird, or maybe he just wasn’t exactly what people were expecting him to be. Ilya was certainly in no position to fault someone for that.”

Ilya’s interaction with Ryan Price reveals a softer, more empathetic side of his character. Hearing Price labeled “weird” resonates with Ilya, who knows what it feels like to be judged for failing to meet expectations. The moment exposes cracks in Ilya’s public persona, showing his capacity for understanding rather than mockery and The Tension Between Personal Fulfillment and Public Expectation.

“Rozanov was being an asshole, which was nothing new, but he didn’t seem to mean it. In fact, Shane would bet that Rozanov would actually really like him to stay. He looked like he could use a hug.”

Ilya’s behavior during the Olympics reflects emotional overload rather than genuine hostility. Shane recognizes that Ilya’s cruelty is performative and rooted in distress, noting that Ilya likely wants connection even as he rejects it. This moment emphasizes how Ilya uses abrasiveness to protect himself when he feels trapped.

“Shane Hollander was the wholesome, heroic sweetheart, and Ilya Rozanov was the obnoxious rock star. They were polar opposites, according to any NHL analyst, and therefore destined to clash forever—neatly dividing hockey fans in the process. It’s the way it should have been. Shane and Ilya were opposites in almost every way imaginable, but it was getting harder for Ilya to deny that there was something in his core that was drawn to Hollander.”

Ilya understands his rivalry with Shane as a performance shaped by public narrative. He recognizes that the league and its fans rely on their opposite personas to sustain a simple, marketable story of conflict. At the same time, Ilya admits that this narrative no longer matches his private reality, as attraction disrupts the logic of rivalry. The growing tension between who he is expected to be and what he feels reveals the emotional strain beneath his carefully maintained image and Rivalry as a Mask for Emotional Vulnerability.

“Shane went into the bathroom to take a shower and freak the hell out in private.”

Shane panics immediately after emotional intimacy breaks through his boundaries. Calling each other by their first names makes the relationship feel real in a way Shane is not prepared to face, triggering his need to retreat and regain control. The shower becomes a private space where he can process fear and confusion without risking exposure, reinforcing his pattern of isolating difficult emotions.

“Shane just loved talking to her. She was funny and she asked a lot of questions, but none of them had made Shane uncomfortable. Shane liked a girl! In the car, driving home, he laughed at how ridiculously high his standards were.”

Shane finds comfort in a relationship that feels socially acceptable and emotionally safe. His excitement reflects how strongly he wants to fit a conventional heteronormative mold, interpreting ease and friendliness as proof of attraction. The moment illustrates his ongoing self-deception, as he mistakes comfort for desire to avoid confronting his deeper feelings for Ilya.

“‘Are there, like, gay hockey players? […] I mean, obviously, yes, there are, right? But are there any openly gay hockey players?’ ‘No,’ Shane said. ‘I mean, yes. There are gay players. Bi players. Whatever. I’m sure there must be, yeah. But no one has ever…come out. Publicly.’”

This exchange between Rose and Shane exposes how deeply silence and invisibility shape Shane’s understanding of hockey culture and his own identity. The absence of openly gay players reinforces Shane’s fear that coming out would be unprecedented and dangerous. In this moment, institutional silence becomes a powerful force that keeps him divided between who he is and who he believes he is allowed to be, illustrating The Tension Between Personal Fulfillment and Public Expectation.

“Hollander could actually keep up with Ilya, and it was like they were reading each other’s minds when they passed the puck. They had barely had any time to practice together; they just clicked in a way Ilya never had with any other player. It was exhilarating.”

Shane and Ilya’s connection extends beyond rivalry into instinctive understanding. Their ability to anticipate each other without practice suggests a level of trust and intimacy that contrasts sharply with their public hostility. Hockey becomes a space where their bond surfaces safely, framed as teamwork. The exhilaration Ilya feels signals that this connection fulfills him in a way no other partnership has, on or off the ice.

“‘We can’t be more, Hollander.’ […] ‘Would you want to be? If we could?’ ‘We can’t.’ ‘That’s not what I asked.’ […] ‘It doesn’t fucking matter!’”

Shane and Ilya capture the emotional impasse that defines their relationship for much of the novel. After Shane admits he is gay, Ilya immediately deflects, retreating into practical limits rather than responding to the feeling behind the confession. Although Ilya wants to be with Shane, he understands that being openly involved with another man would make returning to Russia impossible. His response shows how fear and obligation force him to divide his identity, reinforcing The Psychological Cost of Compartmentalizing Identity.

“He could just see it. Shane with his determined little face, pretending not to be terrified. Where would he be? On his bed? On his actual bed? The one that Ilya had never shared because he had never been to Shane’s real home?”

Ilya associates physical space with emotional access. Shane’s “actual bed” symbolizes a life Ilya has been deliberately kept outside of, reinforcing the limits of their secrecy. Ilya’s fixation on this detail reveals longing, not just for intimacy, but for inclusion in Shane’s real, everyday world. The moment illustrates how exclusion from private spaces intensifies the emotional cost of their divided lives.

“Mostly he had just been ranting about his family, but he had included an admission that he wished things could have been different with his father. That he had stupidly always hoped that his father might tell him that he was proud of him. That admission would have been embarrassing enough, but Ilya had also slipped in an ‘and on top of everything, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do about it.’”

This moment exposes Ilya at his most vulnerable, as frustration turns into unguarded honesty. His wish for his father’s pride reveals a lifelong pattern of seeking approval from people who withhold it, which parallels his fear of wanting too much from Shane. Admitting love in the middle of a rant shows how tightly his emotional needs are tangled together, even when he tries to dismiss them. The scene emphasizes The Psychological Cost of Compartmentalizing Identity, as the various feelings Ilya tries to control all at once become overwhelming.

“I am not alone,” Ilya said. “You are here now, yes?”

Ilya openly acknowledges dependence on Shane, a sharp contrast to his usual self-reliance and deflection. Ilya admits emotional need without disguising it as rivalry or bravado. Ilya seeks reassurance, revealing vulnerability and trust rather than control. The relationship shifts from secrecy and survival toward mutual support and stability.

“I’m fucked,” he murmured in Russian. “I am so fucking in love and it’s horrible.”

Ilya finally names his feelings instead of hiding them behind sarcasm or rivalry. Speaking in Russian emphasizes how raw and unfiltered the admission is, since it is the language he uses for his deepest emotions. Calling love “horrible” reflects fear rather than regret, as Ilya understands that loving Shane puts his safety, career, and family ties at risk.

“‘We’re not alone, […] Ilya. They can see us.’ He felt hands on his arms and legs. He felt straps securing him to a board. ‘Is he all right?’ Ilya’s voice again. No one answered him. ‘Tell him,’ Shane said. ‘Tell him I’m fine.’”

This moment shows how deeply secrecy shapes Shane’s instincts. Even while injured and disoriented, his first concern is not his own pain but the risk of being seen with Ilya. Shane prioritizes concealment over comfort, demonstrating how thoroughly public expectations control his behavior. His request that someone reassure Ilya and his use of Ilya’s first name reveal his care, even as he avoids direct emotional expression in public.

“I’m coming to the cottage.”

This statement marks a shift in Ilya’s behavior, replacing years of hesitation with action. After Scott Hunter’s public coming out challenges Ilya’s assumptions about what is possible, Ilya chooses to go to Shane’s cottage. The line signals Ilya’s willingness to risk exposure in order to prioritize Shane and the relationship. It moves the novel from avoidance into commitment and change.

“Being gay—or whatever—was not really the thing that would create a scandal. Fucking your biggest rival over the course of your entire NHL career was something that no one would understand.”

The true danger in Shane and Ilya’s relationship is not sexuality itself, but the violation of hockey’s unspoken rules about rivalry and loyalty. Shane recognizes that being gay could be explained or eventually accepted, but a long-term relationship with a supposed enemy threatens the league’s narratives, fan expectations, and media framing. The line highlights how hockey culture values clear oppositions and marketable conflict, leaving no space for intimacy across enemy lines. It reinforces the idea that public perception, rather than personal truth, dictates scandal.

“I don’t want you to think she was weak,” Ilya said. “She wasn’t. She was…amazing. But she was so sad. And my father was so hard on her and…”

Ilya pushes back against the idea that suffering equals weakness, a belief shaped by both his family and hockey culture. His hesitation and trailing sentence show how difficult it is for him to speak openly about grief, especially when it conflicts with expectations of emotional toughness. By defending his mother, Ilya also defends the parts of himself he has learned to hide, including vulnerability and compassion. The quote exposes how repression within his family illustrates The Psychological Cost of Compartmentalizing Identity.

“‘I have this problem,’ he mumbled. […]“I like women. I always was thinking that to get married would be nice. Kids. All of that. Someday. But…this problem will not go away. […] These women, they are so sexy and fun, but is no matter. I cannot stop thinking about this short fucking hockey player with these stupid freckles and a weak backhand. […] All of these beautiful women and I am always wishing they were him.’

[…] ‘Do you want the problem to go away?’

‘No,’ Ilya said seriously, looking Shane dead in the eye. ‘I do not want the problem to ever go away.’”

Ilya clarifies his internal conflict. He admits that he is attracted to women and wants a conventional future, but finds them meaningless because he loves Shane. Calling his love a “problem” but refusing to wish it away, Ilya rejects the need to correct or simplify desire. This quote marks a turning point: Ilya stops treating his feelings as a mistake and instead claims them as essential, even if they complicate his life.

“‘And maybe…someday. When we both retire. We can…be together. For real.’ Ilya looked stunned by that part. ‘You really think that far ahead, Hollander?’ ‘I do about this.’ ‘You want that? To be together?’ ‘I do. So much it terrifies me.’”

This exchange shows a shift for Shane and Ilya as they confront The Tension Between Personal Fulfillment and Public Expectation. They move from survival to imagining a future together. Shane dares to think beyond secrecy, growing more committed. The idea scares him. Ilya is stunned because it is rare for someone to plan a future with him. The quote shows that fear now comes from wanting something lasting, not just from exposure.