Heft

On Monday morning, Kel finds his mother awake at the kitchen table, wearing a T-shirt that says, “it’s five o’clock somewhere.” She smells of rum, Coke, and something sour. She asks about game day, and Kel thinks that she would know they wear uniforms on game days if she paid attention. Kel considers asking what is in her mug, but refrains, reflecting on their unspoken agreement to ignore her drinking.

His mother tells him her social worker, Jan, called about a disability extension. She mentions a friend who can help with college applications. Kel is skeptical, knowing she has no friends and never goes out. He leaves without saying goodbye.

Kel recalls finding her passed out once with a partially written suicide note. He remembers another time she made him write her will, which felt pointless because she owned nothing. His mother’s parents are dead; she has no siblings. His father left when Kel was four.

Kel explains his daily commute from Yonkers to Pells Landing High School. After he got into trouble in eighth grade with his friend Dee Marshall, his mother petitioned for him to attend Pells High. He describes Pells Landing’s wealth and his mother’s admiration for the nationally ranked school. His mother worked as a secretary to the vice principal, Dr. Greene. Kel resents that Dr. Greene never called after she left. Last Christmas, Kel threw away a homemade card his mother made for Dr. Greene, then bought her a box of chocolates and pretended they were from Dr. Greene.

Kel notes that, on his first day of freshman year, he wore Yonkers-style clothing and felt out of place. That night, his mother bought him new clothes. On his second day, a boy in his class, Trevor Cohen, overheard him claim he played football and encouraged Kel to join the school team. Trevor became Kel’s best friend along with Kurt Aspenwall. Kel excels at sports, especially baseball.

His mother’s health declined during his sophomore year. She had always had ups and downs, but appeared normal in public. For years, she had had a pen pal named Arthur Opp. Her drinking escalated until it was constant. One day, Dr. Greene told Kel she had gone home sick. She never returned to work. Coach Ramirez helped Kel petition the school board to stay at Pells.

Lindsay Harper, a field hockey player in Kel’s class, pulls her Lexus into the parking spot next to Kel’s. He playfully messes up her hair. Kel feels insecure around Lindsay. He reflects on his dating history and reveals they have been secretly hanging out for four weekends. Last weekend at the movies, she rested her head on his shoulder.

Lindsay and Kel walk toward school together for the first time. When Lindsay stops to talk to her friend Christy, Kel continues alone. At his locker, Trevor teases him about Lindsay.

Kel’s earliest memory is of his father, also named Kel Keller, playing catch with him before leaving for Arizona when Kel was four. He has one family photo album that includes photos of his father. His mother does not speak of him. Kel found items in the house that once belonged to his father: Mets memorabilia, high school trophies, and a stack of Hustler magazines. He has lied to his Pells friends, claiming his father is dead.

Kel reflects on his baseball talent. His grandfather always encouraged him to pursue it, but he died when Kel was 10. At age 12, his mother drove him to the Little League World Series, in which his team was competing. Their car broke down, but a stranger paid for repairs. A coach, Ted Jaworski, raised money for him to play in a summer league. He now plays for the Cardinals, the top summer league team in New York.

Scouts began attending his games last spring. Last July, a Mets scout named Gerard Kane watched him play. Kane promised a private workout, which was scheduled for December 10. Kel has not told his mother he intends to sign with a team if drafted. He needs to stay near his mother to care for her. He fantasizes that becoming a famous player might make his father return.

In first-period history, Mr. Potts assigns group presentations on the Beat Generation, pairing Kel with Lindsay. After class, Lindsay approaches Kel to plan the project. They agree to meet at her house after his practice that night. Kel heads to an appointment with his guidance counselor.

Ms. Warren, the school guidance counselor, has forgotten she scheduled the meeting. She brings up his lack of college applications. Kel tells her he plans to play professional baseball instead. Ms. Warren suggests he play baseball in college. She notes his top grades in art and suggests an art school in Rochester.

Kel internally lists his real reasons for not applying to college: fear of failure, insecurity about academics, and, most importantly, his need to stay near his mother to care for her. He believes that if he left for four years, she would kill herself. He tells Ms. Warren he will consider her suggestions. She gives him brochures for community college. As he leaves, she tells him everyone cares about his future.

In the locker room, Kel reflects on his ex-best friend in Yonkers, Dee Marshall, the best quarterback in their conference. He feels guilt and distance from his Yonkers friends.

In the gym lobby, Trevor and Kurt tease him about Lindsay. Matt Barnaby, Lindsay’s ex-boyfriend, walks away without comment. Kel eats a large snack. His cell phone rings from an unavailable number. He worries it is about his mother, but there is no voicemail.

At football practice, Kel is distracted and plays poorly. The coach yells at him.

After practice, Kel drives to Lindsay’s house. He reflects on her family: Her father is the school superintendent, her mother is a lawyer, and her older brother died when she was in middle school.

Lindsay’s two younger sisters direct him where to park. Inside, he takes his shoes off at the door and feels embarrassed about his mismatched socks. He meets Lindsay’s mother, Jeanie, who offers them smoothies. In the basement, they work on their project. Lindsay asks Kel to do the lettering, acknowledging that he is good at art. She asks if he has had any girlfriends; he truthfully says no.

As it gets darker, Kel kisses Lindsay for the first time. Her younger sisters interrupt, announcing that they’ve broken something. Outside, Kel discovers one of Lindsay’s sisters shattered his taillight with a baseball bat. He refuses Lindsay’s offer to have her mother pay. As he leaves, Lindsay invites him to a post-Thanksgiving party, and he accepts.

On the drive home, Kel feels euphoric. He drives to a beach on the Hudson and daydreams about a future life of wealth and family.

Feeling brave after his evening with Lindsay, Kel decides to tell his mother about his plan to play professional baseball. He arrives home to find the door ajar and the house unusually clean and quiet. He calls for his mother but gets no response.

He finds a note on her bedroom door telling him to call the police. He kicks the door open and finds her lying in bed, fully dressed. He realizes this is a serious suicide attempt. She is white-faced and motionless. She gasps once and then is still.

Trembling, he calls 911. He sees a bottle of Valium pills next to a half-empty rum and Coke. He is stunned that she obtained pills without his knowledge.

Two EMTs arrive. Kel recognizes the female EMT from the neighborhood. They set up equipment and insert a tube down her throat. The female EMT gives Kel a look of pity. As they take his mother out, Kel spots an envelope on the floor with his childhood nickname, Kelly, written on it. He picks it up, puts it in his back pocket, and runs downstairs to follow the ambulance.