Heft

Kel rides to the hospital in an ambulance with his unconscious mother. A male paramedic in the back of the ambulance asks him questions he cannot answer, while a female paramedic drives. At the hospital, a nurse stops Kel from following his mother into the treatment area and sends him to the waiting room. A young medical student takes Kel to a consultation room and asks about Charlene’s medical history. Kel reveals she has lupus, has not seen a doctor in five years, and drinks heavily.

Later, an elderly doctor named Dr. Moscot informs Kel that his mother consumed a large amount of Valium mixed with alcohol. She is not responding and is unlikely to wake up. Dr. Moscot also notes that her other organs were probably affected as well. When Kel asks for odds, Moscot tells him they are grim. Kel cries silently. Moscot takes him to see Charlene. She looks yellow and green beneath harsh lights, and she is connected to tubes. Kel touches her arm briefly, then says he must leave.

Having arrived in the ambulance, Kel walks home. He cannot bear the thought of sleeping in his house alone. He calls his old friend Dee in Yonkers, but gets no answer. After walking home, he gets in his car and drives aimlessly to his school’s parking lot, seeking comfort. He calls an ESPN Radio talk show but is unable to speak when put on the air. He remembers his mother’s letter in his pocket but decides he cannot read it yet. After ruling out other options, he drives to his friend Trevor Cohen’s house.

On Tuesday morning, Kel wakes up in one of the many guest rooms at the Cohen family’s house. The previous night, after midnight, he had arrived at their door. Mr. and Mrs. Cohen let him in, and Kel told them his mother is in the hospital with lupus complications. Mrs. Cohen gave him ice cream, and Mr. Cohen showed him to a bedroom. Kel told them his mother is being kept for tests.

In the morning, Kel decides to go to school to maintain normalcy and avoid missing football practice. He calls the hospital, but Dr. Moscot is not in yet. At midday, Kel receives a message from Dr. Moscot. From a bathroom stall, he calls back. Moscot reports that Charlene has made a noise and opened her eyes, but warns that this could indicate she is entering a permanent vegetative state. Her organs are failing, and the outlook remains poor. During practice, Kel misses a call from an unavailable number.

After school, Kel visits his mother in the hospital. She looks better and cleaner than before, and he grows hopeful when she moves on her own. On his way back to Trevor’s house, he briefly stops at home to gather belongings, but the house feels ghostly to him, and he leaves quickly.

On Wednesday, Kel researches lupus in computer class for the first time and feels ashamed, realizing that many behaviors he hated in his mother were actually symptoms of her illness. He feels guilty for leaving her alone so often and wonders what she did all day in the house.

Kel describes the Cohens’ beautiful home and his urge to destroy its delicate objects. He has grown accustomed to his white guest bed, which the family’s “maid,” Maxine, makes up daily. He has started making the bed himself each morning in the precise manner she does.

He has not spoken to Lindsay since Monday. She called once but left no message, and he has been avoiding eye contact with her in class. He thinks of questions he now wants to ask his mother about her past and recalls a childhood fantasy of traveling back in time to protect her from bullies. He still has not read his mother’s letter, hoping she will recover.

On Thanksgiving morning, Kel wakes at Trevor’s house, nervous about the football game against Yonkers and about seeing his old friend Dee. He sees Maxine turning a turkey on a spit in the backyard. In the kitchen, he encounters Trevor’s younger sister, April, an avid reader. Kel notes that “she's very smart and has long hair all the way down to her butt and she wears glasses every day and reads all the time […] She's very fat which [Kel thinks] Trevor and his entire family are embarrassed of” (170). Kel recalls attending the Thanksgiving game between Yonkers and Pells with his mother as a child, when they secretly rooted for Yonkers together.

At the field, Kel sees Lindsay with her family. Mrs. Harper asks if they will see him later. Kel explains he is staying with the Cohens, and Lindsay hurries her family away. Before the game, Coach pulls Kel aside and tells him he is the key and to take a moment to gather himself. Outside the locker room, Kel runs into Dee, who says he heard about Kel’s mother from the paramedic at the hospital. Kel tells Dee the truth about his mother’s condition. Dee expresses sympathy and says Kel can visit anytime.

Kel plays the worst game of his life, and his team loses badly. On the ride home, Trevor is furious. Mr. Cohen suggests stopping at the hospital, but Kel declines. At the Cohens’ house, many relatives have gathered. During dinner, a drunk Mrs. Cohen makes everyone say what they are thankful for and proposes a toast to Kel’s mother, creating an awkward moment. After dinner, Kel does the dishes while Mrs. Cohen sits in the kitchen drinking. She calls him a good kid and a handsome boy. Kel receives a text from Dee inviting him to a party in Yonkers.

Kel decides to go to the Yonkers party instead of visiting the hospital or calling Lindsay. He changes into old, baggy clothes. Trevor catches him leaving and decides to come along with a crew of friends from Pells, including Peters, Kramer, and Matt. Kramer passes around rum and Coke in the car. Peters asks about Kel’s mother, and Kel lies that she is getting better.

They arrive at the run-down house of Kel’s old friend, Jim. In the kitchen, Kel sees Dee, who is high, and greets him warmly. Dee gives Trevor’s friends beers. Kel and Dee talk in the living room while other Yonkers friends greet Kel and offer condolences. Kel drinks heavily and smokes a blunt with Dee.

A blond girl named Jenny sits on Kel’s lap. He kisses her, and they go upstairs to Jim’s bedroom. He imagines she is Lindsay. When Jenny asks if he knows her name, he pretends he does not, hearing the hurt in her voice. They have sex and lie in the dark without speaking.

Peters and Matt burst into the bedroom, saying Trevor is drunk and starting a fight. Outside, Trevor confronts a much larger person. A police car arrives, and the party scatters. Kel’s friends drag the incapacitated Trevor away, and Matt takes a photo of him. Kramer drives Trevor’s car home while Kel rides with Kurt, who calls Trevor an asshole. They arrive at the Cohens’ house at one in the morning to find all the lights on and Mr. Cohen waiting on the steps.

The next morning, Kel wakes up hungover and packs a duffel bag, leaving the Cohens’ house quietly. The previous night, Mr. and Mrs. Cohen had confronted them about Trevor’s drunkenness. Kel acted responsibly, bringing Trevor inside and apologizing, and Mr. Cohen deferred a full discussion until morning.

Kel drives away from the house as snow begins to fall. He sees Christmas lights and thinks about Lindsay, resolving to tell her everything and imagining confessing all his secrets to her. At the hospital, the front desk woman is reluctant to let him up before visiting hours, but she relents when he says he is Charlene’s son. A nurse on the fourth floor leads him to his mother’s room.

Charlene’s condition appears unchanged. The nurse suggests he talk or sing to his mother. Kel sits by her bed and whispers to her, identifying himself. He feels a wave of guilt for not being there with her and for eating Thanksgiving dinner at someone else’s house. He pulls the chair close and sits in silence, listening to the drone of the hospital and the fluorescent light.

Kel stays at the hospital all weekend, sleeping curled up in the chair by his mother’s bed. A kind nurse brings him sports magazines without being asked. On Friday, he talks to his mother continuously, telling her about his life, Lindsay, Trevor’s house, the party in Yonkers, and his hopes for the future, including the private workout scheduled with a Mets scout. He apologizes for being mean to her and asks her questions about his father and her past. That evening, he answers another call from the same unavailable number that had called before, but he hears no one on the line.

On Saturday afternoon, having run out of things to say, he buys his mom’s favorite magazines and reads aloud to her, skipping the embarrassing parts. He then reads from the sports magazines and drifts in and out of sleep. Throughout the weekend, he observes her hands moving 12 times, her eyes opening five times, and her head moving four times.

On Sunday morning, a neurologist performs another test on Charlene and tells Kel that her condition has not changed. The Cohens, Trevor, and his other friends leave numerous messages and texts. Kel texts Trevor that he is at the hospital with his mom and asks him to tell everyone. Trevor texts back angrily that he cannot believe Kel just left.

On Monday morning, Kel kisses his mother goodbye, washes in the men’s room, and drives to school in wrinkled clothes. He has no homework or school supplies. Trevor ignores him in the hallway. In physics class, Kurt tells Kel he looks terrible and confirms that Trevor and his parents are angry. The teacher, Ms. Dietrich, notes that Kel has nothing for class. Kel takes out his mother’s letter but still does not open it, thinking instead about finding Lindsay.

After class, he finds Lindsay in the hallway with her friend, Christy. They both react defensively, with Christy stepping in front of Lindsay. Lindsay pulls him into an empty classroom and confronts him, saying she knows he was with another girl on Thanksgiving night and calling him an asshole. Kel asks who told her. She cries but does not answer, though he suspects it was Matt. He tries to comfort her, telling her he has something important to say, but she slips away and leaves.

Kel sits on the floor in the empty classroom for the entire next period, overwhelmed. In the cafeteria, he sits alone. Matt and his friend, Cossy approach him, and Kel confronts Matt, accusing him of telling Lindsay that he was with someone else. Seeing guilt in Matt’s expression, Kel punches him in the face, breaking his nose. As teachers run toward him, Kel flees the school.

He drives aimlessly through the rain until a young police officer pulls him over for speeding, a broken taillight, and an expired inspection sticker. After running his license, the officer arrests Kel, informing him that he is wanted for assault. At the police station, they take his phone and photograph him. The officer puts him in a locked interrogation room.

In the interrogation room, the clock shows two in the afternoon, and Kel knows he is missing football practice. He takes out his mother’s letter but reaffirms his superstition not to read it while she is alive.

An older officer named Connor enters to question him. Kel admits to punching Matt. Connor reveals he is also from Yonkers, and they establish a brief rapport. When Connor asks about his parents, Kel becomes emotional and refuses to speak further. Connor leaves but returns with a portable phone for Kel to make a call.

With no one else to call, Kel dials Dr. Moscot’s office. The receptionist offers condolences, and when the doctor gets on the line, Kel already knows what has happened. Dr. Moscot confirms that Charlene has died. After hanging up, Kel feels frozen. He opens his mother’s letter.

Charlene’s letter apologizes and explains that she is very sick and has been for a long time. She does not want Kel to blame himself, believing he will be better off without worrying about her. She urges him to go to college and do great things.

She confesses that the man he knows as his father, Kel Keller, is not his biological father. Kel Keller was a boy who married her when she was pregnant and agreed to raise Kel as his own if she never told anyone the truth. He left them when Kel was little.

She reveals that Kel’s biological father is Arthur Opp, the man who sent her letters. She explains that Arthur is a good, smart man with a lot of class, and that if she had been smarter as a young woman, she would have done everything to keep him around. She tells Kel that Arthur is living in Brooklyn and that she has asked Arthur to call him. Arthur will tell Kel their story and will take care of him.

The letter ends with Charlene telling Kel she loves him and is sorry, and that they will all be together someday.