Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

At the core of Sue Johnson’s book is attachment theory, first developed by John Bowlby. The theory argues that humans are biologically wired to seek closeness and security with loved ones, just as children seek comfort from caregivers. Johnson expands this to adult romantic relationships, framing love as an essential survival strategy, not just a social construct. In Hold Me Tight, attachment theory provides the scientific and therapeutic foundation for Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), showing how couples’ conflicts often mask deeper attachment fears of abandonment, rejection, or unworthiness.

Bonding refers to the process of forming an emotional and physical connection with another person, a process deeply tied to human survival. Johnson stresses that bonding is not optional but central to love, intimacy, and resilience. Through rituals, responsiveness, and shared vulnerability, couples reinforce their bond, creating a secure base that allows them to face life’s challenges together.

Johnson uses the term “safe haven” to describe the way partners can soothe each other’s distress and provide reassurance in moments of fear or insecurity. A safe haven is a space where vulnerability is met with acceptance. This idea reflects one of the book’s central messages: Lasting love depends not on constant passion, but on consistent emotional responsiveness.