Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Johnson traces the personal and professional journey that led her to develop Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Growing up in Britain, she witnessed both the vibrancy of human connection in her father’s pub and the devastating breakdown of her parents’ marriage. These early experiences shaped her view of love as a powerful, often destructive force, leading her initially to reject the idea of marriage. Despite this, Johnson eventually married, prompting her to explore the mysteries of romantic love more deeply.

Her career path took her into counseling and psychology, where she worked with children, adults, and families before turning to couples’ therapy. She quickly found that existing approaches—centered on negotiation, childhood analysis, or communication skills—did not address the urgency and depth of couples’ emotional struggles. Couples, she discovered, were not seeking logic or strategy but emotional safety and connection. By listening closely to her clients and recording their sessions, Johnson began to recognize recurring patterns of disconnection and reconnection that defined the health of relationships.

Her breakthrough came in connecting these observations to John Bowlby’s attachment theory. Just as children rely on parents for nurturing and security, adults rely on their partners for comfort and emotional support. Love, she realized, is not a rational bargain but a survival bond rooted in evolutionary needs for attachment.