Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

In this opening chapter, Johnson lays out a new framework for understanding love, drawing from attachment theory and decades of research. Various cultures across history have defined love in different ways—as a bargain for mutual benefit, a cultural invention, or a biological strategy for reproduction. Yet despite centuries of attempts, love has remained elusive and difficult to define. Johnson insists that, in the modern world where social connections outside of partnerships are shrinking, love can no longer be dismissed as a mystery. Instead, it must be understood as central to human survival and well-being.

Johnson frames love not as a fleeting emotion or cultural construct, but as an evolutionary necessity. Drawing on evidence from psychology, neuroscience, and biology, she argues that humans are wired to seek emotional bonds with a few trusted others who provide comfort, protection, and a safe haven. These attachments function as a primary survival mechanism, as vital as food or shelter. She traces the foundations of this idea to John Bowlby, whose groundbreaking work on attachment theory showed that children deprived of close emotional bonds fail to thrive, even when their physical needs are met. Bowlby’s work, initially rejected by his peers, eventually revolutionized child development and caregiving practices.