Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

In this chapter, Johnson introduces the “Hold Me Tight” conversation, the cornerstone of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Building on the safety established in earlier conversations, this dialogue asks couples to risk deeper emotional openness, moving from defensive cycles into moments of direct connection. Johnson compares it to dancing a tango—more intimate and demanding than earlier exercises, requiring both partners to step beyond self-protection and reveal their attachment fears and needs.

The conversation unfolds in two main parts. The first, “What Am I Most Afraid Of?”, guides partners to explore their deepest attachment fears, such as rejection, abandonment, or being “too much” for the other. Johnson illustrates this process through case studies, especially that of Charlie and Kyoko, a couple struggling with cultural expectations and emotional distance. Charlie, who often retreats into logic, learns to identify and share his fear of being overwhelmed and “shattered” by Kyoko’s emotions. Kyoko, in turn, expresses her fear of being dismissed and abandoned, making her longing for comfort and closeness clearer.

The second part, “What Do I Need Most from You?”, asks partners to articulate their core attachment needs—requests for reassurance, closeness, acceptance, or safety. These needs, Johnson explains, are not weaknesses but the essence of secure