Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

In this chapter, Johnson explores how secure emotional bonds help couples confront and heal from traumatic experiences. She begins by noting that trauma—any event that leaves a person overwhelmed and helpless—affects not only individuals but also their closest relationships. Examples range from soldiers and firefighters to survivors of accidents, illness, and abuse. Johnson emphasizes that trauma is far more common than once believed, and its impact often reverberates through intimate partnerships.

Johnson explains that trauma survivors often cope by suppressing or locking away emotions, believing this protects them and their loved ones. Yet isolation intensifies distress and damages relationships, since unspoken pain inevitably resurfaces in harmful ways. She cites military culture as an example, where soldiers and spouses are advised to avoid sharing painful details. Johnson stresses that healing requires vulnerability: Partners must risk showing one another the “face of the dragon” so they can truly provide comfort and understanding.

Through numerous case studies, Johnson illustrates how couples navigate trauma together. Some stories show how silence and withdrawal breed confusion and despair, while others highlight how emotional openness restores connection. For instance, a firefighter and his wife find healing when they begin to talk openly about loss, and a stroke survivor and his spouse regain strength through mutual reassurance and pride.