Home of the American Circus

Jam teases Freya for wearing a prom dress. Aubrey instructs Jam on how to use the oven. They eat dinner together, and Freya notices that Jam seems to be coming down from a high. Freya scolds Jam, as she is worried about his regular using.

Freya feels cautious around Aubrey, remembering their connection when Aubrey was a child and thinking, “I can still see the aura of that little girl, but it’s not fair to think that I know Aubrey now when I don’t” (102). Even though she hates to see Aubrey smoking, Freya goes outside with her to talk.

Aubrey learns that Freya always called her father Step because that’s what Steena called him. Aubrey reflects that Step was nice to her and she liked that he was a quiet person. Aubrey admits she started coming to the house because her brother, Austin, is difficult to get along with, and Steena always defends him. Freya thinks how, “I pushed all my love for Aubrey to the furthest corner of my heart, plastered over it, and walked around pretending the new wall had always been the limits of me” (106). Freya has been selling furniture to pay for utilities.

Freya has lunch with Hans and hopes that Charlie or Steena won’t walk into the restaurant. Hans explains the insurance and tax bills that Freya will have to pay on the house. Freya realizes she will need to find a job. Hans offers her part-time work filing at his law office. Freya reflects upon how she dropped out of college because her American History professor didn’t believe Freya had researched and written her paper on Old Bet.

Freya drives to The Aster Lodge, where she waited tables in high school. Sam, the new owner, challenges her to make a drink, then hires her. Freya calls Buck at the Clam to tell him she’s not dead. Buck says he was honored that Freya called him to get her from the hospital.

Freya returns home and tells Aubrey she got a job at The Aster. Aubrey recalls eating there once. Freya orders pizza, and she and Aubrey sit on the roof to eat. Aubrey describes how she stole the rat from her science teacher, Mr. Gioletti, and named him Lenny. As Aubrey explains, “I’m stuck dealing with my stupid parents and my asshole brother. No one can make those things happen harder. So, I may as well save Lenny” (131). Freya shows Aubrey a scar she got from Steena, and Freya remembers how Steena was impatient with Aubrey as a baby but thought Austin, her son, was a miracle. Freya again thinks how similar she and Aubrey are.

Freya borrows one of Step’s white shirts for work and thinks, “sometimes you just […] long for people, even when you shouldn’t—even when they aren’t worth the longing” (133). She arrives at The Aster and is welcomed by Carlos, the chef who worked there before. Sam has created a complex menu for specials. Freya is recognized by the regulars, Gus and Shorty.

She also recognizes two other men, Tommy Tom and Eddie Davis, who wear EMT uniforms. Eddie grew up on the opposite side of Deans Pond, and he and Freya used to make sandcastles as kids. Eddie remembers the call about the accident that killed Freya’s parents. When lunch is over, Freya sits by Carlos near the reservoir and thinks, “If this moment was home, I would understand the concept of homesickness” (143).

Freya stops by Gristedes to do her grocery shopping and hears Steena’s voice. Jam hides her behind the butcher’s counter but when she emerges from the store, after paying for groceries, Steena approaches Freya. Steena is falsely polite in front of other people, but alone, she tells Freya they were all glad when she left. She runs over Freya’s bag of cereal.

Freya recalls the period where, after Steena got engaged to Charlie Wells, she and Steena were on friendly terms because Charlie expected them to act like a family. Charlie was older and from a wealthy Somers family. Charlie called Freya his little sister, and Freya was pleased to feel included. She loved spending time with Aubrey and watched the baby while Steena rested. Charlie got the family members rope bracelets, and when Freya wore hers, she reflects, “[i]t made me feel like Steena’s whole sister” (154).

Freya visits Deans Pond, where she remembers playing as a child, recalling, “The pond seemed like an entire world, and I felt safe here” (155). She wonders if her rowboat is still there. At the house, Aubrey is watching Anne of Green Gables, one of Freya’s favorite shows as a child. Freya is worried that Steena will find out Aubrey is spending time at the house and will get angry. Aubrey gets hurt and leaves.

Freya finds blue and yellow cupcakes in a bag. Aubrey has remembered it is Freya’s 30th birthday. Freya recalls how she and Aubrey pretended to share a birthday, one of the many ways they felt connected. Freya sensed that Steena was often impatient with Aubrey and so she did everything she could to shield Aubrey and let her be a happy child. Freya eats the cupcakes, sharing them with Lenny the rat, and saves one, hoping Aubrey will return.

Freya finally enters her parents’ room and their belongings evoke powerful memories. She remembers the rare occasions when Steena would nestle in bed with their mother and Freya would be allowed to join them. She loved that feeling “of being warm and on the inside” (166). She develops a headache and remembers the times her father would bring her water and Tylenol, and realizes that “was the only time I felt cared for” (167).

Freya settles into her job at The Aster. She needs to get her stitches out but can’t recall where Dr. Singh lives. She sees Aubrey behind the Gristedes store and thanks her for the cupcakes. Aubrey wants to know what made Freya leave Somers. She overheard her mother saying Freya “threw herself” at Charlie, and Freya feels she can’t tell Aubrey what really happened.

Freya recalls how Charlie would drive her home after she babysat Aubrey, and she enjoyed how he chatted with her like an adult. In a flashback, one night he shows her the beginnings of the house he is building. He kisses Freya, and she is shocked, wondering if she somehow invited this. She thinks she needs to be a good girl and allow this kiss, as with her other uncles.

Working the evening shift at the restaurant, Freya sees Bee. Bridget Shulman was Freya’s best friend since kindergarten, until they turned 13. Bee is now Aubrey’s guidance counselor. Freya tells Bee she had an appendectomy, and Eddie offers to remove Freya’s stitches. Their moment in the bathroom feels unexpectedly intimate. Freya touches the scar on Eddie’s cheek and remembers when he fell on the ice and Freya stayed with him until help came. Sam asks Freya to close up the restaurant, and she is touched that he trusts her.

Freya recalls how she and Bee grew apart in middle and high school. The Shulmans were like a model family, and once Steena left for high school, Freya’s mother spent more time drinking and less time housekeeping or making meals. Her mother always managed to ruin things Freya was looking forward to and complained that Freya was a waste of her life. Freya thought it would be better for Bee to have other friends.

Freya and Bee sit by the reservoir and talk. Bee reveals that Aubrey is being bullied at school. Aubrey’s friend Kelly O’Leary was dating a boy and Aubrey was forced to spend time with the boy’s brother, Carter. Then, around the time Freya’s parents died, Aubrey withdrew and began spending more time with Shray Singh. Kelly told everyone at school that Aubrey had had an abortion, and kids are bullying her because of this claim. Steena got angry and kicked Aubrey out of their house. Freya rushes back to her house in a panic.

Freya finds Aubrey in the basement in a sleeping bag and hugs her. She promises she won’t leave Aubrey again. Freya tucks Aubrey into her old bed. Aubrey reveals that she didn’t get an abortion; a friend drove her to a pharmacy to get the morning-after pill. Freya guesses it was Jam and goes to thank him. Jam reminds Freya he would do anything for her.

An excerpt at the end of Part 1 reflects on how Old Bet got her name. Supposedly she was named after Bailey’s daughter Elizabeth, but there are, again, conflicting records.