How to Lose Your Mother: A Daughter's Memoir

Chapter 4 centers on a medical crisis that forces Jong-Fast to confront mortality and family dynamics while her husband Matt undergoes cancer surgery. The narrative begins with Jong-Fast describing the strange relief that comes when catastrophes occur, noting how much of American life involves pretending everything is fine when it is not.

Jong-Fast recounts the tense hours surrounding Matt’s surgery, beginning with their preoperative conversation, in which Matt darkly joked about his family’s history of cancer deaths. After Matt entered surgery, Jong-Fast left the hospital to walk home and take a bath, attempting to process the magnitude of their situation. During this time, she received two crucial phone calls. The first call from a nurse informed her that the planned laparoscopic procedure could not be completed. The second call, from the surgeon, delivered more troubling news: They suspected Matt had cancer beyond what they had seen, and they wanted to remove his gallbladder as well. Jong-Fast describes this moment as permanently etched in her memory, noting her position in their apartment and what she was wearing when receiving this life-altering information.

The chapter then shifts to Jong-Fast’s broader reflections on luck and misfortune, prompted by a conversation with her Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) sponsor Susan, who validated her right to feel angry about her circumstances.