How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion

Chapter 4 examines attachment as the fundamental obstacle to inner peace and thriving. Pueblo identifies attachment as the Buddhist concept of craving for things or people to exist in specific ways, creating a form of mental inflexibility that blocks peace and narrows perspective. The author explores how this manifests as an obsession with control, which ultimately proves futile due to life’s inherent unpredictability and the principle of impermanence. While seeking control seems logical in response to life’s challenges, Pueblo argues that this approach is fundamentally misguided because it focuses attention outward rather than inward, where true peace resides.

The chapter further explores how clinging to the past creates barriers to inner thriving. When individuals remain attached to old identities, emotional triggers, or relationship grievances, their minds become clouded and heavy. Pueblo draws from Buddhist psychology to explain how reactions are rooted in bodily sensations rather than thoughts themselves, revealing a pattern in which individuals react to feelings created by the past rather than responding to the present moment. This insight aligns with contemporary mindfulness approaches that emphasize breaking cycles of reactivity by cultivating awareness of internal processes. The author’s personal anecdotes about relationship difficulties with Sara demonstrate how meditation helped him cultivate present-moment awareness, shifting from defensive reactivity to more intentional responses.