How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion

Chapter 7 explores the inevitability of conflict in relationships and offers frameworks for approaching disagreements constructively. The author positions occasional arguments as natural aspects of closeness rather than indicators of incompatibility. Pueblo emphasizes that relationships serve not only as spaces of safety but as catalysts for personal evolution. Central to his argument is the distinction between a survivalist mindset that interprets conflict as dangerous and an intentional mindset that sees disagreement as an opportunity for deeper understanding.

Pueblo presents several key practices for navigating arguments constructively: acknowledging that both partners have valid perspectives, practicing selfless listening, communicating honestly without embellishment, checking whether one can let go of an issue, taking responsibility, remembering that one’s partner is not an enemy, and seeking understanding rather than victory. This framework reflects contemporary relationship psychology’s emphasis on perspective-taking and emotional intelligence. The author’s approach is supported by attachment theory, which highlights how early relationship patterns affect adult conflict styles, though Pueblo focuses more on present-moment awareness than exploring the childhood origins of reactivity, which are a key focus in works like Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score (2014).

One marked element in Pueblo’s analysis is his discussion of how past conditioning colors present perceptions.