How to Menopause

Midlife is a time of major transition, self-evaluation, assessment of the past, and creation of a life that will be healthy, happy, and beneficial for the future. This often means either adjusting current relationships or finding new ones, and the symptoms of menopause are at least partially responsible for three quarters of middle-aged women’s divorces (a fact that is self-reported). Along with cultural acceptance of divorce increasing and women becoming more financially independent, middle age is a time when women are choosing to be single or to start anew with a different partner. Shifting moods, bodies, and libido can all take a toll on a marriage.

Fadal went through a divorce that left her $100,000 in debt, and it took half a decade to recuperate. She states the importance of optimism, patience, and belief in coming out the other side, as this difficult time also taught her a lot about herself. Fadal suggests that dating doesn’t have to be intimidating, particularly if a woman goes through the process of figuring out who she is and what she wants first. Leaving the past behind, while still keeping its lessons, can ensure finding a better partner, and Fadal insists that being open to people outside one’s “type” is important. Women can meet a new partner anywhere; Fadal met her second husband, Ira, near an elevator. Fadal also lists some of the most common toxic behaviors that indicate that a person may not be right for a relationship, including a strong temper, belittling language, and acts of isolation. She concludes by noting that even if romance isn’t on the table, a woman can find fulfillment through other relationships.

Dealing with menopause at the height of one’s career brings unique challenges, beginning with the stigma around menopause and the shame that women are often made to feel about their symptoms. Since women make up half the working population and are usually working in middle age, finding ways to mend this bridge is essential. Many women either quit their job due to menopause or refrain from pursuing specific jobs, and many more are discriminated against for their age or their symptoms. Fadal suggests remembering self-care when it comes to work stress, as well as minimizing unnecessary workloads. She describes menopause as an “intersectional workplace issue” (282) because once again, Black and Latina women are disproportionately affected in this regard.

Fadal insists that menopause policies in the workplace are necessary, and she advocated for one at her own place of work. These policies can include health coverage, cool rooms, flexible hours, and even having a dress code that allows women to wear cooler clothing. Fadal believes talking to the boss can be helpful under the right circumstances, and they might turn out to be surprisingly supportive. Finally, this time of transition might also mean a transition of career or workplace, and while this is daunting, it will also be worthwhile if it means more fulfillment, acceptance, and lower stress.

There is a new sense of freedom and possibility that comes with postmenopausal life. Obligations to children and careers begin lessening, leaving way for personal pursuits and delayed goals. While it is natural to feel fear about the reality of aging and dying, women are living longer than ever, and thus are having what is called a “second adulthood.” This is a time when women can start over with new lives, new careers, new relationships, and new possibilities. Although ageism and the notion that women become invisible in older age is everywhere, honoring oneself and refusing to hide away is being embraced. Women are on average happier in older age than pre-menopause.

While it can be daunting to know which direction to turn once life’s milestones appear to run out, the possibilities are infinite. Fadal suggests de-cluttering the home and giving up possessions that no longer serve a purpose, which is also true of careers that have outlived their purpose. Fadal switched from being a news anchor to a menopause advocate, and this new phase of her life has brought an entirely new and powerful sense of purpose. She suggests asking oneself what one really wants out of life and then making a plan to achieve it.

Changing self-talk to be more positive and framed around the bright side of aging is also important. Moving through the fear of aging can be managed by finding inspiration in the world and in others, focusing on positives, making decisions rather than always saying “someday,” and sticking on the path that one creates. Life for postmenopausal women is better in myriad ways because it means being wiser both about the self and the world, living in a time of new possibilities and more stability, and focusing on one’s own well-being. Changing how a person sees and talks about menopause will also change the subject for others, creating a chain of positive growth.