49 pages • 1-hour read
I Am Not Jessica Chen
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Themes
Navigating Comparison and Expectation
While the premise of the book is rooted in the body swap trope, the swap itself takes place because of the protagonist’s deep dissatisfaction with her own life and her desire to be someone else altogether. Liang uses Jenna’s search for contentment through the body swap to explore what it means to navigate constant comparison and expectation.
Jenna’s discontentment is rooted in her tendency to compare herself to others constantly, leading her to feel she has continually failed to meet expectations. She sees people around her whom she deems “objectively better” than her, including her cousin Jessica, and feels discouraged and unworthy. Some of this lack of self-worth is fueled by Jenna’s family and cultural background as well. As the daughter of immigrants who have high expectations for her, Jenna feels an inescapable pressure to achieve perfection in everything she does. The weight of this expectation is complicated by having Jessica exist as a perfect comparison point: Her cousin is able to achieve everything Jenna dreams of, seemingly effortlessly. With Jessica in her life, Jenna cannot escape a constant comparison that is perpetuated by both herself and her own family.
However, as Jenna soon discovers, she is not the only one struggling to navigate comparisons and expectations. While in Jessica’s body, Jenna sees the dark side of Jessica’s perfectionism. Jessica is not just a target for admiration, but also envy: One of Jessica’s best friends, Leela Patel, is distraught at a poor test result she receives, exposing how she worries about never being able to match up with Jessica, while Lachlan Robertson, a wealthy and privileged legacy student, is furious about Jessica winning an award over him. Furthermore, while those around Jessica continue to uphold her as the impossible standard, just as Jenna once did, Jessica is the most weighed down by these pressures. Anxious and bitter about the smallest mistakes she makes, Jessica is so exhausted by the pressure of always having to be perfect that she wishes herself away into oblivion.
Thus, Jenna learns that she is not unique in indulging in comparisons and feeling burdened by expectations. Simultaneously, she also learns how freeing it is to focus on passion and self-fulfillment, as demonstrated to her by Aaron Cai. Aaron is unbothered by his exceptional grades while remaining deeply invested in the work he truly cares about, like his medical program. He sees Jenna for who she really is, regardless of success and achievement, and cares strongly her. This, ultimately, is the lesson Jenna comes away with: the way to navigate comparison and expectation when looking for happiness is to abandon them altogether.
The Impact of Success on Personal Relationships
In Jessica’s body, Jenna finally gets a chance to live the kind of “brilliant” life she has always hoped for. What she soon discovers is the impact of success on personal relationships—the assumed positives, the unseen negatives, and the possibility of a relationship in which success plays no part at all.
At the outset, Jessica is an example of all the great things success can bring to one’s relationships with others. She is openly admired, constantly praised, and popular. Celine and Leela seek out her company, Jenna envies her in private, and all the teachers at school hold her in the highest esteem. Jenna experiences all of this glory when she first inhabits Jessica’s body, and the constant validation she receives reinforces the idea that one is worthy because one is successful. Thus, at first glance, success seems to be the thing that draws people closer to Jessica.
As Jenna settles into her new life, however, the fallacy of this belief is soon exposed. Success does not only have a positive impact: It also erects an invisible wall that prevents Jessica from forming completely authentic connections with others, keeping her isolated even in company. Leela, for instance, is never her true, unfiltered self with Jessica the way she is with Jenna; she is even wary of letting “Jessica” see her upset about a test result, convinced that “Jessica” will not understand. Similarly, Jenna herself kept her cousin at a distance prior to the body swap, silently harboring resentment instead. While Jessica remained unaware of the true feelings of those around her, the wall impacted her, too. People remained convinced of her infallibility, perpetually holding her to an impossible standard and leaving her unable to confide in anyone about her own pressures and challenges. Thus, success also separates Jessica from those around her, affording her no empathy or understanding.
However, the novel suggests that success only becomes an issue if the people within a relationship place undue importance on it. For as long as Jenna holds on to success as a measure of self-worth, her relationships with Jessica, and even Aaron, suffer. Aaron is also distant from her, as he holds back from a romantic relationship with Jenna, worried that her expectation of perfection from him, rooted in his success, would invariably lead to disappointment.
When Jenna realizes the flaws in placing too much emphasis on success, she is immediately able to reconnect with both Jessica and Aaron. She can be honest and empathetic with her cousin, and communicates her feelings for Aaron clearly and convincingly. In these renewed relationships, success—either the presence or the absence of it—now plays no part at all, as they rest on a foundation of understanding and love instead.
The Relationship Between Appearance and Identity
Inhabiting Jessica’s body for a time facilitates a journey of self-discovery and identity for Jenna. Jenna’s experiences and reflections as “Jessica,” in turn, leads to an exploration of the relationship between appearance and identity.
The most obvious link between appearance and identity is established by Jenna inhabiting Jessica’s body and receiving all the adulation Jessica receives for her physical appearance. Jessica is routinely told that she is beautiful, constantly attracting the attention of a myriad of admirers. The satisfaction Jenna feels at this validation as “Jessica” underlines how connected she already feels to the physical body she is now living in. It also reiterates how appearance significantly feeds into one’s identity, affecting one’s confidence and self-perception.
Liang also underscores how appearance extends to physical capabilities as well: As “Jessica,” Jenna is able to swim easily, something she was never able to do before; however, she also finds herself unable to paint the way she used to. Both of these are significant changes. While Jenna revels in her newfound swimming capabilities, she is equally distressed at what she cannot do, as painting was an integral part of her identity as Jenna. Being unable to paint thus feels as if she is losing a part of herself.
Conversely, Liang also explores the gaps between appearance and identity—i.e., how one’s outward appearance can mask how one truly feels about oneself. Jessica is the ultimate example of this: She appears to be collected and confident to all those around her, effortlessly succeeding and perfectly content with her life. In truth, however, Jessica feels so under pressure and dissatisfied with her circumstances that she wishes herself away entirely. While her success appears easy to those around her, it is hard-won by unrelenting effort and self-flagellating pressure, rendering her life lonely and devoid of any pleasure. Through Jessica’s character, Liang underscores how identity is more complex and nuanced than simply how one appears to others.
Finally, Jenna also learns that sometimes how one appears to others can contradict how one sees oneself. While Jenna believes that others see her as a failure and a nobody, she gradually learns that this is not actually true. Leela is far more genuine and authentic in her behavior toward Jenna than she is toward Jessica, showing how much she trusts and values Jenna as a friend, while Aaron holds Jenna in high esteem for her personal qualities, not her external successes.
Thus, throughout I Am Not Jessica Chen, both Jenna and Jessica ultimately realize that there is more to both of them that what appears on the surface. Liang posits that the relationship between appearance and identity is both deeply complex and sometimes misleading.
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