I Am Watching You

Henry is in his forties, married to Barbara, and father to 18-year-old Jenny and Anna, who was killed when she was 16. An important point-of-view character labeled “the father,” Henry starts off the novel shrouded in secrets and mystery. He is haunted by one of the last things Anna said to him—“You disgust me, Dad” (27)—and tries to drown his grief over his daughter’s disappearance by farmwork. It is made apparent that Henry has done something that he wants to hide from the police, asking Barbara to lie that he was at home the night of his daughter’s disappearance. It also becomes clear that Henry has had more than one affair outside of marriage, the latest with Tim’s mother April. Thus, Henry emerges as a complex character with shades of gray. However, as the narrative proceeds, Henry grows more sympathetic. The secret he is hiding—his affair with April—has nothing to do with Anna’s death, and his distance from Barbara and Jenny is partly because of his own overwhelming, complicated grief. Henry often remembers Anna as a little girl, racing him on their farm, and carrying primroses. His pain-laced memories provide pathos to the narrative and show the depths of a parent’s bereavement.

Like many other characters in the book, Henry is also consumed by guilt. He feels guilty that he allowed Anna to go to London with Sarah. He wanted to go out with April and wanted Anna away from the house. Henry is now racked with the unintended consequences of his decision. Apart from Anna’s disappearance, Henry also feels overwhelmed by the loss of farm life. With his dream of successfully running his family farm fading, Henry feels untethered. He fears he may have to ultimately sell off the farm and thus bid goodbye to a pastoral, idealized way of life. Beset by all these pressures, Henry decides to take his own life in the middle of the book. He is diverted by an odd series of events and in the end, goes through another bereavement when the briefly risen hope that Anna is alive is dashed again. This sequence of events results in a turning point for Henry, and he accepts that Anna is never coming back. He also accepts his marriage is over and moves out of his house. In the process, he rebuilds his relationship with Jenny, which symbolizes hope for his future. Henry also displays intuitiveness, since in the second half of the novel, he is shown to be uncomfortable with Tim. It is suggested a positive end is in the offing for him, as Barabara is thinking of giving their marriage another chance. Henry is a round character with a dynamic journey, moving toward acceptance and honesty throughout the narrative.

One of the main characters of the book, Sarah is a 17-year-old academically bright girl, also interested in musical theater. Sarah is the daughter of Margaret and Bob, sister of Lily, and the best friend of Anna Ballard. Sarah is especially attached to Anna, since Anna represents beauty and goodness to her. Like many other prominent characters in the book, Sarah appears secretive and shady at the beginning of the novel. It is made apparent that she has lied to the police about the sequence of events on the night Anna disappeared. Sarah often wishes Anna would somehow return, but at the same time, she wants her secrets safe. This makes Sarah seem an unreliable narrator, but as the plot unfolds, the complex reasons for Sarah’s lies become clear. It is revealed that Sarah survived sexual abuse by her father Bob. Her mother is distant, repeatedly ignoring Sarah’s pleas to keep her ex-husband away from their family. Since Bob texted her the night Anna disappeared, Sarah believes her father may be involved in her friend’s fate. Reporting her father’s text to the police would mean revisiting his abuse of her, which she is unwilling to do.

Sarah also lies to the police because she feels guilty for abandoning Anna and knows she will be judged for her sexual behavior. Thus, Sarah feels pressured by society’s judgment about the sexuality of girls and young women. Ella acknowledges this judgment when she confesses that she decided against calling Sarah or Anna’s parents when she heard Sarah having sex with Anthony in the train toilet. Ella’s perception of Sarah as a nice girl changed at that moment. Sarah is subjected to this sexual double standard often, such as when her peers bully her for having sex, calling her ugly names. The narrative presents these situations to question society’s definition of a “nice girl.” By all accounts, Sarah is a nice girl, since she is a loyal friend to Anna, helping her with her studies, and a good sister to Lily. Yet, society—and Sarah herself—judge her for being sexually expressive. Like Ella, Sarah castigates herself for her decisions and feelings, such as her jealousy of Anna and refusal to leave the club with Anna. The devastating, unintended consequence of the refusal weighs on Sarah, and she overdoses on meds to escape her guilt.

Sarah’s character is in peril at the start of the book, static because of her trauma and feelings of guilt and shame. However, once she recovers from her overdose, Sarah decides to take action and reach out to her sister Lily. This signals a transformation for Sarah. Sarah finally tells the full truth, first to Lily, and then the police. She breaks away from her mother and finds a new, healthier home with Lily and her community. Sarah’s new name, Dawn, signifies a rebirth. It is suggested that Sarah will learn to love herself, moving forward and forging a more empowered self. This transformative arc makes Sarah a dynamic, three-dimensional character.

Matthew, frequently called Matt by other characters, is an ex-police-officer turned private investigator. In his thirties, Matthew is described as tall and slim by Henry. Matthew is often depicted as expressive and in constant motion, unable to sit still for long, such as when he busies himself making pyramids of sugar sachets while waiting for his friend Melanie at a cafe. Matt is married to Sally, and by the end of the novel, they have a daughter called Amelie. Matthew is good at investigation and policework, since he proves instrumental to solving the mystery of Anna’s disappearance. His methodology is often juxtaposed with the police’s shoddier methods. Thus, Matthew’s character calls attention to the important thematic element of the gaps in police work and the treatment of civilians. While the DI from London is shown to be abrupt and aggressive with Henry and other characters, Matthew is more empathetic toward his clients, such as Ella. The mystery behind Matthew leaving the force is linked to his heightened empathy and provides richness to his character. He represents an ideal police officer, and his character also features in The Friend (2018) and Close Your Eyes (2024), two more of Teresa Driscoll’s novels.

Like Ella, Henry, and Sarah—the other major sympathetic point-of-view characters—Matthew experiences intense guilt. He left the police force after his chase of a young shoplifter caused the boy’s horrific death. Though his friend Melanie Sanders and his wife Sally assure Matthew he is not to blame for the death, Matthew cannot square off his part in the tragedy. As he approaches fatherhood, Matthew’s feelings of shame and guilt intensify, since he subconsciously questions his ability to keep his child safe. After Amelie is born, Matthew’s perspective shifts further, feeling the loss of Anna with a parent’s awareness. Matthew’s changing feelings illustrate the lasting psychological effects of guilt and trauma. At the end of the novel, Matthew has resolved his complicated emotions toward fatherhood, establishing that Amelie is the most important thing in his life now: “Life suddenly has different priorities. Yes—a different lens” (196). Matthew atones for his mistakes by helping secure justice for Anna. Thus, his character comes a full circle at the end of the novel.

The antagonist of the novel, Tim is a 19-year-old young man with a pathological or disordered relationship with other people. Tim is from a modest background, with his home on the council estate. Tim’s mother April is described as preoccupied, having little time to cook for him. Barbara Ballard takes the young Tim under her wing, spoiling him with elaborate home-cooked meals. According to Tim, his estranged father died of cancer a few years prior and left him a flat in London. Apart from Ella, Tim is the only other first-person narrator in the novel, his perspective appearing in the interludes titled “Watching.” Ella describes Tim as having curly hair. Tim’s physical appearance changes throughout the novel, with him looking increasingly pale and harrowed as Anna’s case gets renewed attention. The change in his appearance mirrors Tim’s fear that his role in Anna’s death may be discovered. Tim is shown to have few redeeming characteristics, since he stalks his close friend Anna for years and meticulously plans her kidnapping when he gets an opportunity. To build an alibi, Tim checks into a recreation center in Scotland, even posting pictures of the landscape so his presence in Scotland is documented. He then sneaks off to Cornwall and gets on the same train to London as Sarah and Anna and follows them to the nightclub. When Anna steps outside the club, the waiting Tim finds an opportunity and takes her to his flat, where he eventually spikes her coffee and chokes her to death.

The methodical manner of his actions casts Tim in a particularly negative light. Even though he has killed Anna and stashed her body in the freezer in his flat, he continues to visit her house and express concern over her disappearance. Tim goes as far as blaming Sarah for Anna’s vanishing. Further, Anna is not his only victim. He deliberately targets Ella, and then Luke, leaving Luke with life-altering injuries. Tim’s point-of-view sections heighten the ominous atmosphere of the text. The most unique characteristic of Tim’s narrative is that though it is spare in details, it is still revelatory about Tim’s personality. For instance, though he does not reveal his name or that of his target, Tim notes that to be a quiet watcher, “[Y]ou have to be much cleverer than the people you watch. You have to keep your face looking just right. Speak in the right tone” (143). The interludes show his propensity to constantly put on an act to appear benign. At the end of the novel, Tim is on trial for Anna’s murder. His treatment of Ella and Luke shows he has not changed, and thus, he has a static character arc.