I Regret Almost Everything

“There was a time when everything worked. Twenty months earlier I’d been happily married and the owner of eight successful Manhattan restaurants, including Balthazar in SoHo. In 2004, the New York Times had called me ‘The Restaurateur Who Invented Downtown.’ I had everything going for me. And then on November 26, 2016, the clock stopped.”

McNally identifies his stroke in 2016 as a turning point in his life. By placing this medical event at the forefront of his first person account, McNally enacts the life-changing nature of his newfound condition. He compares the stroke to a clock stopping—a metaphor that conveys the powerful and immobilizing effects of the event. Further, McNally’s physical incapacity after the stroke contrasts sharply with his life 20 months prior—circumstances defined by success, excitement, love, and happiness.

“Although my restaurants were taking in $80 million a year before my stroke, my reason for building them was never the pursuit of money. It was partly to gain the admiration of those I respected, and partly the satisfaction I received from seeing an idea realized. But whatever satisfaction the restaurants gave me was fleeting—which is probably why I can’t stop building them.”

McNally’s reflections on his vocational journey convey the Challenges of the Restaurant Industry. Having forged his way in a new field via sheer grit and verve, McNally retrospectively identifies his reasons for pursuing such a challenging career. He indeed made a profit and a name for himself; however, in the present he understands that “admiration,” “respect,” and “satisfaction” were always more important to him than “the pursuit of money.” This revelation conveys McNally’s reflective stance, and captures how his restaurant work has evolved his outlook on life. Further, his revelation about why he “can’t stop building” restaurants establishes McNally’s lifelong Search for Meaning and Purpose.