I Was Their American Dream: A Graphic Memoir

Gharib has never felt like she’s fit in, not with her parent’s cultures or with American white culture. Her struggles illustrate a key theme of the book, What Keeps People Connected to Their Cultures. Previously, Gharib felt out of place in her father’s Egyptian culture for not understanding Arabic or certain cultural cues. She felt out of place among the Filipino community in Cerritos for being “ethnically ambiguous,” and felt out of place at Cerritos High for being “whitewashed.” In these chapters, Gharib has her first serious encounters with “white culture,” first at Syracuse University and then at her first job, where she also feels out of place.

When she first gets to Syracuse, she thinks that being surrounded by white people will make her experience “just like Felicity” (91), a television show that symbolizes being American for her. Just like her father fell in love with America through Hollywood movies, Gharib’s idea of Americanness—specifically white Americanness—is shaped by American media. Her romanticized version of America is only theoretical; in reality, Gharib “couldn’t tell the girls apart. They all looked the same” (92). The corresponding illustrations depict Gharib struggling to remember whether someone is named Sarah or Meghan, or Kim or Kate. She realizes that “stuff I saw on TV…read in magazines…and stuff my parents and family told me” is not useful when it comes to getting to know real people (92).

Gharib also experiences culture shock at Syracuse. Many of her cultural cues and norms are those of her Filipino family. In Cerritos, where people had similar backgrounds to her, these social cues were the norm. In Syracuse, she “seemed to say stuff that made [white people] mad” (93). The corresponding illustrations show white women getting angry when Gharib points out that they look tired or have a pimple. At first, it doesn’t make sense how “stating fact” is taken as an offense. Gharib learns that different cultures find different types of comments acceptable and while commenting on appearance was “very normal in Asian culture,” it was “not cool” to her peers at Syracuse (93).

Because of these experiences, Gharib redoubles her effort to assimilate with white people. She adopts her peers’ style of dress, eating habits, social habits, and exercise habits. Her uncle previously advised her to “learn from them. Eat like them. Dress like them. Act like them. Because when you get into the real world, that’s how you have to be” (88). Gharib has been taught to think that whiteness is something to aspire to. Her uncle’s words introduce a complex dynamic. In the United States with its history of systemic racism, “normalization of white racial identity throughout America's history [has] created a culture where nonwhite persons are seen as inferior or abnormal” (“Whiteness.” The National Museum of African American History and Culture. Smithsonian Institute). Yet this does not signify anything genuine about other cultures: In reality, other cultures are not inferior and are just as “real,” to use Gharib’s uncle’s words, as white culture.

Gharib’s attempts at assimilation do not bring her the content she hopes. She misses her home, cultural foods, and talking about her heritage. She gets angry when her peers tell her “I don’t see color” (102); the corresponding illustration shows Gharib with downward-tilting eyebrows and steam coming out of her ears. While her peers might be trying to indicate that they are not prejudiced against non-white people, Gharib interprets this as disinterest in her culture.

Gharib’s peers are claiming “colorblindness.” This is a common form of racial denial that some well-meaning people mistakenly adopt. Claiming colorblindness misappropriates sentiments for racial equality, such as Martin Luther King Jr.’s hope that his children “will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character” (King, Martin Luther, Jr. “I Have A Dream.” Teaching American History. 28 Aug. 1963). Not judging someone for their race or skin color is different than pretending that racial identities do not affect people’s lives in nuanced ways. Gharib wants to share her culture with people, and their insistence that they “don’t see color” comes off as dismissive and off-putting (102).

These types of issues continue to plague Gharib in her first job, where people cannot pronounce her name and use her as the token “ethnic person” in promotional materials and meetings (109). An illustration shows Gharib’s work badge, and her name reads “The Token Brown Girl” (109). Gharib learns that the things she has been experiencing are called microaggressions. A five-by-five chart is drawn and labeled “Microaggressions Bingo”—the text above the chart says that if the microaggressions Gharib experienced were arranged into a bingo game, she’d “win, win, win!” (111) Some of the listed bingo slots are: “why are Muslims terrorists,” “you don’t act like them,” “do y’all eat dog,” “do you speak Egyptian,” and “do you speak Filipino” (111).

Microaggressions are everyday verbal and nonverbal slights, assumptions, and insults that discriminate against people from marginalized groups. The microaggressions Gharib experiences all rely on generalized and racist assumptions about Asian or Muslim people. People assume that she must speak “Egyptian” or “Filipino.” Her father and mother speak Arabic and Tagalog respectively, and many first-generation Americans are estranged from fluency in their cultural languages. Gharib experiences growing awareness of how white people, Egyptian and Filipino, and other people of color interpret and interact with racial identity. She continues to struggle to find balance and acceptance within herself, but makes steps toward embracing her identity, such as holding people accountable for pronouncing her name right and reaching out to other people of color at her work and in her city.

These new connections show Gharib the importance of having community: They teach her new things about the racial dynamics she experiences, including the problems of Cerritos High’s popular question “what are you?” (116). She realizes that while the white people who inundate her with microaggressions need to develop racial literacy and sensitivity, she must also learn new things. Gharib will find even greater balance and acceptance in the last chapters of the book.