In Pieces

After a year on the air, Gidget was canceled. This disappointed Field, but she felt that she could retain some of Gidget’s confidence and optimism in her own personality. Field was offered a starring role in The Way West, a western drama about a pregnant teenage girl traveling West by wagon with her father. Filming the movie was a generally good experience for Field, but she recalls the pressure of having to land dramatic moments and cry on demand. Her feelings of failure about her acting motivated her to become a better actor with more control over her performances.

After the movie, Field was offered a starring role as a nun in a new TV show. After reading the script, Field felt strongly that the role was not for her. However, when she politely turned it down, the producers hounded her, trying to convince her to take the role, which had been written for her. Field stood strong and refused to take the part, but when Jocko visited her and insisted that she take it, Field lost her confidence in herself and agreed. She played the part for three years.

Field’s new show, The Flying Nun, was an instant hit. Unfortunately, Field couldn’t see why, as she thought it was “gibberish” and “twaddle.” The episodes were formulaic and silly, and Field was in a harness, “flying” on screen, much of the time. She felt unprepared for the role, as she had no experience doing harness work and could not sing. When the Golden Globes asked her to “fly” in as the Flying Nun to present an award, Field confronted a familiar dilemma: Say no to respect her own feelings, or say yes to please others. She likens the word “no” to a hand grenade that would kill herself and others. Field agreed to do it but declined to wear her show costume and felt embarrassed to “fly” into John Wayne’s arms and present Dustin Hoffman with his acting award.

While her acting career took off, her relationship with Steve was strained. Field worked regularly and felt responsible for helping her mother and sister, whom Jocko had abandoned, while Steve had discovered marijuana and begun to neglect his university studies. Under stress, Field found solace in overeating and soon became bulimic. Her family doctor prescribed diet pills, which kept her thin but had frightening side effects. When Field realized that her diet pills compromised her acting ability, she stopped taking them.

Field continued to struggle with self-confidence. She felt belittled by the stars of The Monkees, who often hung around the set and mocked her with inside jokes. She was further confused by the studio’s impromptu gift to her, a Ferrari, which she didn’t really want but was unsure how to refuse. Now quite bored at her job, Field began to mentally shut down and invented little tricks and mind games to keep herself engaged in her work. Making matters worse, she felt self-conscious about her weight since she was eating for comfort. One day, she collapsed on set and couldn’t perform anymore. A costar, Madeleine, helped her home, and the following day insisted that she meet her at the Actors Studio after work.

Field accepted Madeleine’s advice and began attending workshops at the Actors Studio, which she found challenging and exhilarating. Unlike her acting job on The Flying Nun, these improvised workshops were challenging and helped Field learn acting as a craft. Field’s work schedule dictated her life, either taking up all her time or, if the show was on hiatus, none of it. She began therapy but was dismayed when her therapist, a strict and condescending man, prescribed group therapy, in which Field felt humiliated due to her fame as the “Flying Nun.”

Field reflects on her relationship with her younger sister, Princess, who took after Jocko in her personality and athletics. Princess adored Jocko and suffered greatly when he abandoned the family. Although she and Field had grown up together and had become good friends, Field also felt a distance between them. She tried to parent Princess during her difficult teenage years as the family fell apart, but their friendship was complicated by the fact that Field was financing Princess’s life. Field wanted to help repair the family unit, and she took Princess and Margaret on a vacation. However, when Field began to express her resentment toward Jocko, Princess defended him, and Field lashed out at Margaret, who had been drinking. Her mother and sister, hurt, felt that she had ruined their trip.

Grasping for better family relationships, Field visited her father, Dick, and his wife, Peggy. The visit soured when Dick asked for $5,000, and Field reluctantly gave him her business manager’s information. She felt frustrated with her father’s inability to connect emotionally and his sudden demands, but could tell that he cared about her in his own strange way.

While bracing for the second season of filming The Flying Nun, Field prepared for her first performance in the Actors Studio, which legendary acting teacher Lee Strasberg (for whom many wanted to perform) would moderate. Field heard that he had a strict 15-minute time limit on scenes and sometimes even stopped them before then. She performed as Lizzie in Jean-Paul Sartre’s The Respectful Prostitute, immersing herself in her performance. She was amazed that Strasberg allowed her scene to go on for 45 minutes. Afterward, he complimented her, calling her “quite brilliant,” an unusual gesture that stunned Field and everyone else in the room.

Field’s experience at the Actors Studio gave her a new source of inspiration and confidence. When she met with Harry Ackerman, the executive producer of The Flying Nun, she asked him if the show could include scenes or episodes that featured “honest human problems” (295). Ackerman immediately rejected the idea, claiming that audiences did not want to think too deeply, but Field felt pleased with herself that she had the confidence to ask for what she really wanted.

Field’s mother, Margaret, continued to give her advice and emotional support. Field reflects on how Margaret grew up with her generation’s “confining set of boundaries” (297) as well as her mother’s jealousy toward her relationship with her dad. She wonders how these experiences limited her mother’s confidence, despite her intelligence, abilities, and beauty. In hindsight, she realizes that when she was in her early twenties and her mother was in her mid-forties, they both felt alone.

Her fear of isolation influenced her decision to marry Steve, who had become her on-again, off-again boyfriend. When Steve revealed that he was engaged to another young actress and begged Field to marry him or he would marry the other woman, she agreed out of fear. Her family reacted with acceptance rather than excitement, and she knew she was not certain about her choice. When her mother expressed her doubts about Steve, Field felt betrayed and suspected that her mother was worried about being replaced in her life. She went ahead with the wedding, marrying Steve in Las Vegas without any family present.

That year, Field learned that she was pregnant. Personally, she was happy to become a mother and experienced a sense of wonder about her developing baby. Professionally, she felt more protective of herself, as she knew that the show’s producers would be upset about the inconvenience of her pregnancy, which could not be written into the show. She began having vivid war nightmares and, in one instance, realized that she was acting and was applauded for her performance in the war scene. She continued working on The Flying Nun throughout her pregnancy and, after a frightening labor experience, gave birth to her son, Peter.

Living in their new house in Bel Air, Field and Steve took care of Peter together, and Steve was a reliable partner. Even though he was unemployed, they never considered him a stay-at-home dad. Field wonders whether her poor experiences with her father or stepfather made her feel afraid to depend on Steve’s parenting too much. With her third and final season of The Flying Nun looming, Field asked her mother to quit her job and take care of Peter, promising to always provide for her financially if she did so. Margaret happily agreed and began to drink less as she became Peter’s caregiver.