Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating

The motif of the double dates escalates in these chapters, a narrative device that systematically eliminates external romantic possibilities to foreground Josh and Hazel’s intrinsic compatibility. Each disastrous date highlights a specific quality that makes the potential partner unsuitable for either protagonist while simultaneously revealing a corresponding strength in the Josh-Hazel dynamic. The fishing trip with Kota and McKenzie collapses due to their unresolved sexual history, an issue absent from Josh and Hazel’s transparent friendship. More pointedly, the date with Josh’s friend Dax unravels because of his condescending judgment of Hazel’s personality and lifestyle, from her family anecdotes to her 401(k) status. His rigid adherence to social convention directly contrasts with Josh’s growing appreciation for Hazel’s authenticity. The climax of this narrative pattern occurs when Michelle, the lifeguard, astutely observes the dynamic and tells Josh, “You’re on the wrong date tonight” (142). This line makes the subtext of the entire motif explicit: The dates are not about finding new partners but about forcing Josh and Hazel to recognize the partnership they already have. The failure of these orchestrated romantic encounters reinforces the theme of Friendship as the Foundation for Enduring Love, demonstrating that their established bond of acceptance and humor is more resilient and genuine than any connection built on the performative pressures of courtship.

A shift toward physical intimacy in these chapters is precipitated by an equally significant deepening of emotional vulnerability, particularly for Josh. The escape from their seventh failed date in Chapter 11 creates a private, insulated space where the pretenses required for dating strangers dissolve. Fueled by alcohol, their conversation at the bar moves beyond witty banter to confessions about past heartbreaks and formative experiences. Josh’s disclosure about his first love and the cultural expectations of his family—explaining that in Korean families, “We don’t disobey our parents” (157)—provides insight into his reserved nature and the value he places on familial duty. This moment of openness allows Hazel to reciprocate with her own history, sharing her romantic frustrations with past partners who considered her personality embarrassing. This exchange of vulnerabilities establishes a new level of trust and mutual understanding that transcends their platonic friendship, and their subsequent sexual encounter is the logical physical culmination of this emotional intimacy. Their actions are framed as a bad idea born of drunkenness, yet the narrative presents them as an inevitable consequence of the authentic connection they have just reaffirmed, stripped of the judgment that characters like Dax represent.

These chapters advance the theme of Finding Authentic Connection by Embracing Personal Eccentricity by moving Josh’s perspective from passive amusement to active protection of Hazel’s unique character. During the date with Dax, Josh’s internal reaction to his friend’s judgmental attitude solidifies into an overt defense when he tells Dax off. This moment marks a significant turning point in his character arc; he is no longer just a fond observer of Hazel’s chaos—he is her staunchest ally against a world that demands conformity. This alignment is physically and symbolically manifested in the cartwheel scene. Spontaneous and joyful, the act of doing cartwheels in the backyard is a direct rejection of the stiff, judgmental atmosphere of their failed date. It represents a return to an uninhibited state that Hazel naturally embodies, and Josh is increasingly willing to embrace. His hesitation, followed by his full participation, signifies his deliberate choice to join her in a space of authentic, quirky self-expression, leaving behind any restrictive social expectations. 

The theme of Friendship as the Foundation for Enduring Love is further solidified through the quiet integration of domesticity and cultural acceptance. The presence of Josh’s mother, who drops off food for both of them, signifies Hazel’s seamless absorption into the Im family unit. This casual, familial intimacy stands in contrast to Josh’s reflection that his ex-girlfriend Tabitha never took the time to get to know his parents or become part of their family. Hazel’s effortless connection with his mother demonstrates a fundamental compatibility that extends beyond her relationship with Josh into the core of his family life. The difference between Josh and Hazel’s cultural identities, therefore, is an opportunity for genuine connection. Hazel’s ability to understand and respect the family dynamics that Josh values underscores a deeper alignment of values. This domestic harmony provides a stable backdrop for their dating experiments, suggesting that the foundations of a lasting partnership were already in place long before their first sexual encounter.

The narrative structure and pacing in this section deliberately manipulate tension to mirror the evolution of the central relationship. The accounts of the disastrous dates are relayed through compressed flashbacks and rapid summaries, treating them as perfunctory plot points necessary to clear the stage. In contrast, the narrative slows dramatically in Chapter 11, dedicating great detail to the single evening Josh and Hazel spend alone. The focus shifts from the external dating realm to the internal mechanics of their bond: the specific beats of their conversation, the sensory details of the run in the rain, and the charged progression of their physical encounter in the hallway. Their authentic development occurs in private, unguarded moments, not in the public performance of dating. The abrupt tonal shift in Chapter 12 to the awkward, clinical morning-after conversation—discussing birth control and STDs—immediately problematizes the intimacy of the previous night. Josh’s assertion that it is “probably a good thing [he doesn’t] remember every detail” reveals his fear of the encounter’s implications and his desire to retreat to the safety of their platonic friendship (174). This final moment sets up the central conflict for the later chapters: Having crossed a physical boundary, they must now reconcile the powerful intimacy of their night together with their mutually agreed-upon platonic relationship.