Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating

Josh Im is a physical therapist and the novel’s co-protagonist, who serves as a counterbalance to Hazel’s exuberance. He has an athletic build and a handsome face, with “sensual dark eyes” and a “smooth, straight nose” (164). He is reserved, deeply loyal, and guided by family and duty. Initially, he sees Hazel as a chaotic spectacle, and he wrestles with how her spontaneity fits into his orderly world. Josh’s relationship with Tabby at the start of the novel is a key indication of his mentality before Hazel’s reintroduction to his life: He settles for a relationship built primarily on physical intimacy instead of deeper emotional closeness, even though he’s not satisfied. Josh’s Korean American identity and devotion to his parents and sister Emily shape his sense of responsibility and honesty within relationships. His relationship with Tabby initially anchors him in a conventional, appearance-focused relationship, but his budding friendship with Hazel becomes the foundation for a sincere romance built on trust and mutual support, illustrating Friendship as the Foundation for Enduring Love. 

Though Hazel and Josh are remarkably different people, Josh’s character develops as he learns to loosen his strict expectations and to appreciate Hazel’s vibrancy, recognizing that happiness can come from openness to difference. When he and Hazel do cartwheels in his backyard, for example, they end up “a tangle of arms and legs in the grass, and [Josh is] laughing so hard it hurts” (150). Josh hasn’t done cartwheels since he was a child, and Hazel’s encouragement to return to a space of childlike wonder guides Josh towards a new, spontaneous outlook on life. His transformation centers on valuing Hazel’s perspective and making space for her authenticity, ultimately choosing a future with Hazel because she accepts him as he is, and he learns to do the same for her.

Emily Goldrich is Josh’s younger sister and Hazel’s best friend, and she is a pivotal catalyst in their romance. She is fiercely loyal, perceptive, and meddlesome in ways that push the protagonists toward their eventual romantic union. Emily sees the misalignment between Josh and Tabby early on and acts as the bridge that reconnects Hazel and Josh, orchestrating moments that bring them back into each other’s orbit. She gives Hazel’s phone number to Josh and encourages Hazel to temporarily move in with Josh when her apartment floods. Emily’s steady support for Hazel contrasts with the skepticism Hazel has faced from others, while her own stable marriage to Dave models a healthy partnership. Emily’s role is to provide honest feedback and steadfast encouragement, reinforcing the theme that friendship can be the strongest foundation for lasting love.

Dave, Emily’s husband, plays a similar role to Emily in Josh and Hazel’s relationship. He is the principal of Riverview, the public school at which Hazel applies to teach. Dave’s willingness to hire Hazel because he sees her unique approach to life as an asset to the classroom and school models acceptance and even celebration of her individuality, which supports Josh and Emily’s similar validation. Dave also has insight into Hazel’s insecurities and acts as an advisor to Josh about their relationship. Dave is both open-minded and sensitive, recognizing how Hazel, although she embraces her personality, also sees it as a hindrance to romantic relationships. He offers support for both Hazel and Josh independently, facilitating the development of their relationship through his clear vision of their individual identities. Although he and Emily are a team, they work independently to encourage an honest and authentic connection between Hazel and Josh, as well as offering a model for a strong and loving marriage.

Aileen Pike, Hazel’s mother, is a mentor figure and thematic anchor for Hazel’s unwavering individuality. She is tall, blonde, and has a curvy build. She embodies joyful nonconformity—bold clothing, dancing while mowing the lawn, and a refusal to dull her personality for anyone. Aileen’s backstory includes a marriage to Hazel’s father, who was embarrassed by her quirks, a lesson that informs Hazel’s own fears about being “too much.” Her primary function in the narrative is to reinforce the value of self-expression and model how a compatible partner can truly celebrate one’s quirks. Aileen’s supportive, nonjudgmental relationship with Hazel supplies a safe harbor for Hazel to truly be herself and a sounding board for her to process her feelings for Josh. Like Emily, Aileen encourages Hazel to pursue a relationship with Josh, as she can see their compatibility. Aileen’s later romance with Glenn Ngo also offers a hopeful example of finding an appreciative and welcoming partner, as Glenn accepts Aileen for who she is.

Tabitha, known as Tabby, acts as a foil to Hazel. She embodies a conventional, fashion-forward world that highlights appearances over authentic connection. Tabby prioritizes superficial things in life, as Emily points out when she says, “When [Tabby] does come home to visit [Josh], she spends half her time battling out Who Wore It Better debates in the comments on Instagram” (30). Tabby’s unsustainable focus on image and her eventual infidelity highlight the hollowness of relationships built on surface rather than honesty and companionship, contrasting the slow build of Hazel and Josh’s relationship. Emily succinctly highlights Tabby and Josh’s incompatibility, telling him, “[Tabby] spends hours getting ready to end up looking like she’s just rolled out of bed. You, on the other hand, love camping and still occasionally wear the sweatpants I got you for Christmas nine years ago” (29). Tabby and Josh have different personalities, but more importantly, they have different values. Tabby cares about others’ perceptions of her and her looks, while Josh wears almost decade-old sweatpants, physically illustrating a key gap in their relationship. 

By juxtaposing Tabby’s relationship with Josh and Hazel’s, the narrative emphasizes that although Hazel and Josh have different personalities, they have values in common. Unlike Tabby, Hazel values earnest connection and unabashed authenticity. Tabby’s breakup with Josh underscores the novel’s message that true compatibility requires more than charm and polish; it requires open communication, shared values, and a willingness to embrace one another’s true selves.