Lament for a Son

Wolterstorff uses “brokenness” to describe the profound fragmentation of his emotional and spiritual state following his son’s death. This concept is particularly evident in his discussion of music, where he questions why even requiems seem too “affirmative” for his grief. Wolterstorff longs for “broken music” that truly reflects the shattered nature of his existence, emphasizing that conventional artistic expressions fail to capture the depth of his loss. He suggests that true brokenness in grief is so fundamental that it cannot be adequately represented by traditional forms of expression, highlighting the author’s struggle to find solace or understanding in a world that seems incapable of matching the intensity of his sorrow.

“Imaging” refers to the Christian concept of humans being made in the image of God. In the book, Wolterstorff expands this idea to include suffering as a potential aspect of how humans reflect God’s nature. He suggests that those who suffer might be closer “icons” or images of God than traditionally thought, especially in light of his understanding of God as one who suffers with humanity.

Wolterstorff borrows the term “inscape” from the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins to describe the unique, essential quality or character of a person or thing. For instance, in the context of the book, “inscape” refers to Eric’s distinctive personality traits, habits, and ways of interacting with the world. Wolterstorff uses this concept to highlight the irreplaceable nature of his son and the profound impact of his loss. He describes how Eric left his unique mark on everything he did, from the way he dressed to how he answered the phone. This term helps convey the depth of individuality that is lost when a person dies.

In the book, “lament” refers to the expression of deep sorrow, grief, or regret, particularly as a form of communication with God. Wolterstorff explores lament as a necessary and authentic response to loss, viewing it as a mode of address to God that coexists with enduring faith.

“Neverness” encapsulates the permanence and finality of death. Wolterstorff uses this term to refer to the painful realization that certain experiences, interactions, or possibilities will never occur again due to his son’s passing. The author employs this term to express the ongoing nature of loss, emphasizing how Eric will “never again” participate in family activities, experience life’s joys, or fulfill his potential. The concept of “neverness” underscores the enduring impact of grief and the challenges of accepting a future permanently altered by loss. It serves as a reminder of the irreversible changes brought about by death.

“Remembering” is the act of keeping the deceased alive in memory, which Wolterstorff presents as a crucial part of the grieving process. He emphasizes the importance of actively remembering his son through keeping his possessions visible and speaking about him. Wolterstorff sees remembering as a way of honoring his son’s life and resisting the tendency to forget or move on too quickly.

In the context of Lament for a Son, “resurrection” refers to both the Christian concept of Christ’s rising from the dead and a metaphorical rebirth or renewal in the face of grief. Wolterstorff explores resurrection as a source of hope and a model for finding meaning after devastating loss. He grapples with the idea of physical resurrection in the afterlife, questioning how it might work, while also using it as a metaphor for his own struggle to rise from the “grave” of his grief. The concept of resurrection in the book represents the tension between death’s finality and the possibility of new life or purpose emerging from loss.

In the book, shalom (the Hebrew word that roughly translates to “peace”) represents a comprehensive state of well-being, peace, and wholeness in all aspects of life. Wolterstorff suggests it encompasses right relationships with God, others, oneself, and nature. He positions death as the antithesis of shalom, emphasizing the profound disruption that loss brings to this ideal state.

“Stoic tearlessness” describes the societal expectation—particularly for men—to remain outwardly unmoved and not cry in the face of grief. Wolterstorff questions this norm in his book. He argues for the value of expressing sorrow openly and suggests that enduring while crying requires as much strength as not crying at all.

In the book, “suffering” is portrayed as a profound and universal human experience, particularly associated with loss and grief. Wolterstorff defines suffering as what occurs when something prized or loved is taken away or never granted. He explores suffering not just as a personal experience, but as a theological concept, suggesting that it is central to the nature of existence and even to the nature of God.