48 pages • 1-hour read
Lament for a Son
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Pages 91-104Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Pages 91-104 Summary
In the final pages of the book, Wolterstorff delves into the relationship between human and divine suffering. He posits that God and humanity are inextricably linked in the world’s history of suffering. The author suggests that every evil act and moment of anguish causes God to weep, creating a shared experience of pain. Wolterstorff frames human struggles for justice and joy as attempts to relieve God’s sorrow, implying a reciprocal relationship between divine and human experiences.
The author reflects on the significance of Christ’s wounds, which he says remained after the resurrection. He interprets these wounds as central to Christ’s identity, noting that they were visible and tangible even after Christ rose from the dead. Wolterstorff connects this to his own experience, suggesting that believing in Christ’s resurrection challenges individuals to rise from their own “dark graves of suffering love” (92). He ponders whether personal suffering can lead to expanded sympathy, love, gratitude, insight, and commitment. If these positive outcomes don’t emerge from the experience of death, Wolterstorff argues, then death has truly won.
Grappling with the meaning of his son’s death, Wolterstorff questions whether his suffering can be redemptive or bring peace. He draws parallels to the concept of martyrdom, acknowledging that the suffering of martyrs has sometimes been an instrument of peace and healing. However, he struggles to understand how his personal anguish over his son’s death could bring peace to others. The author contemplates whether suffering in the face of death, rather than accepting it peacefully, might have some transformative power.
Wolterstorff quotes author Henri Nouwen’s A Letter of Consolation, in which Nouwen posits that life is a process of becoming familiar with death. Nouwen suggests that recognizing the transient nature of all created things allows for a deeper appreciation of life’s beauty without clinging to that beauty. He describes life as a constant process of farewells to places, people, and experiences. Nouwen notes that every arrival contains a departure, every instance of growth includes aging, and all celebrations involve a form of mortification. This perspective frames life as a delicate balance of joy and sorrow, gain and loss.
Wolterstorff then grapples with the counterintuitive idea that suffering might be a blessing. He considers how those who are downtrodden or assaulted might be blessed. Wolterstorff describes suffering as a visceral rejection of pain, injustice, and various forms of hardship. He notes that intense suffering can sometimes produce a “radiance” of courage, love, insight, and faith, revealing humanity’s potential. The author struggles with how to value this radiance while still fighting against the conditions that produced it.
Wolterstorff’s narrative becomes more personal as he describes revisiting his son’s grave a year after the burial. He notices the physical changes to the site, from the settled earth to the absence of mourners. The author contemplates the decomposition process, wondering about the state of his son’s remains. He reflects on his own behavior at the gravesite, and how he avoided walking directly on the burial plot out of a sense of reverence. This leads to broader thoughts about the sacredness of burial grounds and, by extension, the dwellings of the living as repositories of God’s “living icons” (101).
The author then engages in an extended reflection on the Christian concept of resurrection. He ponders the logistical and philosophical challenges of uniting people from vastly different time periods and cultures in the afterlife. Wolterstorff considers how God might handle the diversity of human knowledge, experiences, and personalities. He acknowledges the difficulty in comprehending this process but expresses a tentative faith in God’s creative power to accomplish it.
The book concludes with Wolterstorff bidding farewell to his son. He expresses uncertainty about the reality of resurrection but holds onto hope. The author imagines a future conversation with his son. Wolterstorff ends with a quote from T.S. Eliot’s Four Quartets, which speaks of moving through desolation towards a deeper communion and finding new beginnings in endings. This poetic conclusion encapsulates Wolterstorff’s journey through grief, questioning, and tentative hope.
Pages 91-104 Analysis
In the final pages of the book, Wolterstorff grapples with the tension between moving forward and holding onto the memory of his son. He describes revisiting his son’s grave a year after the burial, noting the physical changes to the site and contemplating the process of decomposition. This act of returning to the grave serves as a metaphor for the ongoing process of grief, highlighting how the author consciously chooses to remember and honor his son’s life. The theme of Grief and Intentional Remembrance is evident in Wolterstorff’s careful observations and reflections, which demonstrate how grief becomes interwoven with the rhythm of daily life.
Wolterstorff continues to view Each Experience of Death as Unique. He emphasizes the individuality of loss by describing how his family must restructure itself in the absence of his son. He notes that they not only have individual gaps within themselves but also a collective gap among them. This observation underscores the idea that each death creates a unique void, both for individuals and for the broader community. The author’s focus on the specific ways in which his family must adapt highlights the personalized nature of grief and loss.
The author makes several allusions and references throughout these pages, mainly to Christian theology. He draws parallels between his own experience of loss and Christ’s resurrection, using this as a framework to explore his own process of rising from grief. Wolterstorff writes, “So I shall struggle to live the reality of Christ’s rising and death’s dying” (92). This comparison serves multiple purposes. First, it provides a spiritual context for understanding his grief, framing it within the Christian narrative of death and rebirth. Second, it offers a model of hope and transformation, suggesting that just as Christ rose from the dead, there may be a form of rising or renewal possible in the aftermath of profound loss. Wolterstorff extends this parallel by reflecting on Christ’s wounds, which remained after the resurrection. He writes, “But as I rise up, I bear the wounds of his death. My rising does not remove them. They mark me” (93). This allusion to Christ’s stigmata becomes a metaphor for the enduring nature of grief. It suggests that even as one moves forward or “rises” from the depths of mourning, the marks of loss remain, becoming an integral part of one’s identity.
Wolterstorff also references T.S. Eliot’s Four Quartets at the conclusion of the book, using the poet’s words to encapsulate his own journey through desolation towards a deeper understanding and potential renewal, quoting the lines, “We must be still and still moving / Into another intensity / For a further union, a deeper communion” (104). This reference to Eliot’s work, known for its exploration of time, existence, and spiritual seeking, provides a poetic framework for understanding the process of mourning. It suggests a movement through stillness and intensity towards a deeper understanding or connection, possibly with the deceased, with God, or with oneself.
The use of Eliot’s words also serves to universalize Wolterstorff’s experience. By concluding with this literary reference, the author places his personal narrative within a broader context of human struggle and spiritual quest. It suggests that his journey through grief, while deeply personal, resonates with larger themes of human experience and artistic expression.
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