Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

Leadership and Self-Deception posits that self-deception often begins with justification: When a person mistreats someone or falls short in a relationship, their instinct may be to construct reasons that shift the blame, such as “They were rude first,” “I’m too busy to help,” or “They wouldn’t appreciate it anyway.” This mental framing protects self-image but damages trust, accountability, and connection. The book urges leaders to catch these justifications in real time, not just in hindsight. Practically, this means pausing when one feels defensive or critical, especially in moments when one has withheld feedback, excluded someone from a meeting, or reacted impatiently. Asking oneself, “Am I explaining my actions or excusing them?” is a good litmus test. In a team setting, this might look like a manager realizing that they overlooked someone’s contributions rather than rationalizing the oversight with a remark like “They haven’t stepped up.” In families, it could mean a parent recognizing that they snapped out of stress instead of chalking up their response to their child’s tone. These moments of honesty are uncomfortable, but they signal real leadership. Catching one’s justifications isn’t weakness; it’s the first step toward genuine repair and stronger relationships.