Lie With Me

Philippe, a successful French novelist, is conducting an interview in a hotel lobby in Bordeaux when he notices a young man dragging a suitcase. Philippe has a lifelong habit of inventing stories about strangers, a tendency his mother dismissed as "lies." But what he feels now is not imagination: He is seized by certainty that he recognizes this figure. He shouts the name "Thomas," startling the journalist, and when the young man does not turn around, Philippe rushes outside and places a hand on his shoulder. The encounter triggers a flood of memory, and the narrative shifts to 1984.

Philippe is 17 and in his final year at the Lycée Elie Vinet, a high school in Barbezieux, an obscure, fading town in the Charente region of southwestern France. He is enrolled in the terminal C track, the most academically prestigious mathematics-focused stream, and is an exemplary student. His father, a rural school principal, raised Philippe with the rigid expectation that academic excellence was the sole path out of their modest, provincial world.

Philippe secretly watches Thomas Andrieu, a student from the less prestigious terminal D class who stands apart with shaggy hair, dark eyes, and a serious, solitary bearing. Rumors already circulate that Philippe "prefers boys," fueled by his love of reading, his lack of a girlfriend, and his disinterest in sports. He endures homophobic slurs but maintains a stubborn silence, never denying who he is. Philippe discovered his attraction to boys at age 11 and was never troubled by this knowledge, viewing it as a confirmation of his difference rather than a source of shame. No word has ever passed between Philippe and Thomas.

One winter morning, after the recess bell empties the playground, Thomas approaches Philippe and invites him to eat a sandwich at a café in town. At the café, a nearly empty place chosen for its obscurity, Thomas tells Philippe he has never done anything like this before, that the internal resistance was enormous, and that being alone with this feeling hurts too much. Philippe asks, "Why me?" Thomas answers that Philippe is unlike the others and does not even realize he is seen, adding a line Philippe will never forget: "Because you will leave and we will stay" (25).

Thomas insists on absolute secrecy. They return to the school and sneak into the closed gymnasium, where they make love in the locker room. Afterward, Thomas says only "Bye" and vanishes. Rather than ecstasy, what overwhelms Philippe is abandonment, a sensation he connects to a childhood memory of becoming separated from his mother at a carnival at age seven.

Nine days of silence follow, during which Thomas shows no acknowledgment of Philippe at school. Then Thomas passes him a note with only a place and a time. They meet in a locked shed by the soccer field, and for the first time they have a real conversation. As the relationship develops, Thomas reveals details of his life: His parents are modest farmers in Lagarde-sur-le-Né, his mother a devout Catholic originally from Galicia in Spain, his father taciturn and emotionally aloof. Thomas feels the weight of being the only son, expected to inherit the land.

Their meetings settle into a clandestine routine, communicated through unsigned notes and coded phone calls. The relationship is tested at a classmate's birthday party, where a girl throws herself at Thomas and he accepts her affection. Philippe is consumed by jealousy that forces him to confront the fragility of his invisible existence. The tension erupts into their first crisis, and Thomas delivers an ultimatum: Accept the terms of secrecy or end things. Philippe, terrified of losing him, chooses to stay.

In June, they pass their baccalaureate exams, France's final secondary-school examinations. Philippe passes with honors, but Thomas is sullen, already aware this marks the end. On one of their last days together, Philippe photographs Thomas sitting on a low stone wall in a wooded area, smiling a slight, almost tender smile. Philippe later realizes the smile was a parting gift.

Philippe spends the summer on the island of Ré, off France's Atlantic coast. Around mid-August, he phones Thomas's house and reaches Thomas's sister Nathalie, who informs him flatly that Thomas stayed in Spain, where he was offered a job, and will not continue his studies. In September, Philippe leaves for college in Bordeaux. He states simply: "I erase Thomas Andrieu" (95).

The narrative returns to 2007. Philippe, now a celebrated novelist in Bordeaux for a reading, is the man from the hotel lobby. The young man he chased turns around, and the resemblance to Thomas is uncanny. Philippe says, "You are the spitting image of your father" (100). The young man is Lucas, Thomas's son. Over coffee, Lucas reveals that Thomas did farm labor in Spain after leaving school, married a young Spanish woman named Luisa after an unplanned pregnancy, and eventually returned to France with his wife and son. Philippe interprets Thomas's marriage as a deliberate act of self-correction, compelling himself toward the conventional life his mother's faith prescribed. Lucas discloses that Thomas, who otherwise never reads, has read all of Philippe's novels and keeps them hidden in the house. At the train station, Lucas gives Philippe Thomas's phone number. Philippe never calls. Thomas never calls.

The final section takes place in 2016. Lucas, now living in California, summons Philippe to a café in Paris and reveals that Thomas died 15 days earlier. He hanged himself in his barn, leaving no note. Lucas recounts that years before, Thomas had gathered his family and announced he was leaving his wife, his farm, and his life, saying only that he had been reasonable for too long. He vanished for eight years before returning to a solitary farm in Charente. When Lucas visited and asked about regret, Thomas replied, "No. I could regret it if I had had a choice. But I did not have a choice" (141). After Thomas's death, Lucas found hidden letters from a male lover who had demanded Thomas live with him openly. Thomas refused, leaving the relationship rather than live publicly.

Lucas reveals that he has long understood the nature of Philippe and Thomas's relationship, having pieced it together from Philippe's novels, whose characters and scenarios mirror their affair. He also reveals that telling Thomas about his encounter with Philippe in Bordeaux precipitated Thomas's decision to leave his family. Lucas presents a final item from Thomas's wardrobe: a sealed, yellowed, unsent letter addressed to Philippe, written in August 1984. He asks Philippe to read it alone. Before leaving, Lucas asks whether Philippe will write about this story. Philippe insists he writes fiction, not memoir. Lucas replies, "Another one of your lies, right?" (147).

Alone, Philippe unfolds the letter. Thomas writes that he is going to Spain and not coming back, that their paths are separating. He acknowledges he could never say the reassuring words Philippe needed. He confirms what Philippe always felt: "It was love, of course" (148). He writes that there will be a great emptiness but that they could not continue, because Philippe has his life ahead of him and Thomas will never change. The letter closes with Thomas writing that he was happy during their months together, that he has never been so happy, and that he already knows he will never be so happy again.