Love, Pamela: A Memoir of Prose, Poetry, and Truth

Anderson’s early life was marked by abuse. Her father had alcohol use disorder and physically abused her mother when drinking, she was sexually abused by a babysitter, and she was raped at age 13 by a male acquaintance. Despite these traumas, Anderson drew strength and support from the older women in her life, including her mother and the great aunt she calls Auntie Vie. One of her first acts in the memoir is to express gratitude to the women who raised her, whose strength, humor, beauty, and wisdom continue to inspire her. In one of the memoir’s first poems, she writes, “I’m a little girl born of eccentrically beautiful / creatively codependent / unapologetic women / Who were much too good / For any man […] My mentors were fierce / in cotton candy bouffants / sturdy and wise / yet weirdly fantastic” (4). This description captures her mentors’ nuanced personalities, which influenced Anderson, who grew up observing feminine beauty, strength, and determination as congruent traits.

Though Anderson lived with Auntie Vie only briefly as a teen, she recalls this great aunt as a nurturing presence and an important role model. Like Anderson’s mother, Auntie Vie was not wealthy, but she was resourceful and creative enough to make her life beautiful without spending a lot. Anderson’s own adult sense of style and glamor derives in part from Auntie Vie’s example: “Auntie Vie was a character straight out of a movie—feather boas, negligees, wigs, and false eyelashes. She was a widow with a divine spice for life […] Auntie Vie never had much money, but she lived in a glamorous world she created for herself” (57-58). This self-created world later inspires Anderson to work toward greater control of her own public image. In writing the memoir, Anderson sets out to tell her own story rather than letting others define her. In doing so, she follows Auntie Vie’s example.

The most important woman in Anderson’s early life was mother, who set a loving example to her as a gentle, playful, and reliable parent. For instance, her mother made celebrations fun despite her limited financial resources: “She’d leave trails of flower petals and notes around the house, and homemade surprises for Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s Day […] She never missed a holiday, with little gifts for us or my dad, whatever she could afford” (22). Despite always working a rotation of part-time jobs, Anderson’s mom made sure she and her brother Gerry had a consistent schedule. Anderson recalls how this ritual made her feel secure, writing, “Every night, she had dinner on the table at five P.M. It was something we depended on, and I realize now how important that was to Gerry and me, that routine and consistency” (22). Reflecting on her mother’s selfless approach to parenting and her generous personality, Anderson concludes, “My mom gave us everything” (18). Anderson reveals how she echoed her mother’s example in how she parented her sons, Brandon and Dylan. Rather than outsource childcare, Anderson preferred to be an involved parent and was always the primary caregiver to her kids. She remembers in the verse Prologue, “I was a hands-on parent / No nannies / The boys’ / baseball game schedules / written into my film / and TV contracts / My children always came first / no matter what / Nobody can take that away / from us” (2). Anderson’s fond memories of being raised by her mother and becoming one herself show that their relationship has been one of the most positive and important of her life.