Love Redesigned

“I miss the person I was. I miss her so damn much that I’m willing to put in the work to bring her back, even if it means attending extra therapy sessions and following through on difficult homework I’d rather avoid.”

Dahlia’s depression and her road to recovery significantly impact her throughout the novel, reflecting The Effects of Grief and Depression on Relationships. Dahlia feels she has changed so much in her relationship with Oliver that she hardly recognizes herself, and her missing her old self shows how much she wants to get better. This quote shows how Dahlia is committed to making necessary changes—a character trait that later becomes important in her relationship with Julian.

“Every step away from the mixer feels like a small victory, and I’m proud of myself for making it to the truck without shedding a single tear […] I don’t want to cry anymore over a man who discarded me like trash. I refuse to.”

Dahlia says this after Julian buys her engagement ring only to throw it in a concrete mixer. This moment marks some of the first steps Dahlia takes to let go of her past, symbolized by the way she is literally walking away from the ring. However, this moment also shows how fragile her emotional state still is, as even though she has learned she shouldn’t cry over Oliver, she still feels like she might.

“Money might buy me a lot of things, but it can’t cure the gaping hole in my chest that only deepens with every passing year. What used to fulfill me barely scratches the incessant itch anymore. Overworking myself. Casual dates that never lead to anything more. Spending all my free time with family while ignoring the wish to start my own. None of it has the same appeal, and I’m getting worried.”

This passage highlights some of Julian’s worries, despite having fewer problems due to his wealth. Julian often uses his wealth and the products of it to hide his feelings of inadequacy and his fears about his life. Here he details how this has caused him to burn out on the things he once valued, realizing that they are not actually important to him after all.

“Think. That’s the thing. I can’t think when I feel like this. I’m taken hostage by my thoughts, and there is nothing I can do but wish for this feeling to end soon.”

Dahlia notes this just after she falls from a ladder in the attic and is left momentarily frozen. This quote illustrates the feeling of a panic attack, something Dahlia experiences a few times throughout the novel. Her inability to even think due to her feeling of panic emphasizes just how much her mental state influences her actions.

“Julian didn’t hurt me when we were in college because he rejected me. Sure, it injured my pride and made me feel like the biggest loser after the passionate kiss we shared, but my dislike toward him is so much more than that. He crushed my spirit when he cut me out of his life like I never existed in the first place. I thought we had something special after spending a year at Stanford together, with our relationship transforming from friends into something else entirely, but it was all a lie.”

Here Dahlia reflects on how her romantic relationship with Julian in college was cut short, detailing for the first time in the novel that she is more hurt by the loss of his friendship than because of his romantic rejection. This shows how complex Dahlia and Julian’s past relationship is and how the feelings that surround it are equally confusing. This also highlights Dahlia’s fear of abandonment and where it initially stems from in her relationship with Julian, which initially hinders her from embracing The Benefits of Second Chances.

“‘Where are you going?’ she asks. ‘My house.’ […] ‘Do you notice how you never call it your home?’”

This exchange between Dahlia and Julian highlights a recurring theme about having a place to call home. Though both characters struggle with conceptions of home and belonging throughout the novel, Dahlia notes how Julian, despite having a place he could call home, doesn’t feel at home there. Julian feels this way throughout most of the novel, though his feelings regarding his home change as his relationship with Dahlia transforms.

“‘When you have a kid, you’ll understand.’ My smile slips as a cold feeling of dread takes over. ‘I’m sure I will,’ I manage to say despite the invisible rope wrapped around my throat.”

Dahlia has this exchange with a friend, who immediately asks her if she is okay afterward. Throughout the novel, Dahlia struggles with even the idea of children, especially with her despair about never having a child of her own. The language in this quote emphasizes how Dahlia feels trapped in her depression regarding her fertility issues, reflecting The Effects of Grief and Depression on Relationships.

“Whatever it is, I’ll fix it. Whoever hurt her, I’ll ruin them. And whenever she needs someone to lean on, I will be there. The final thought rocks me to my foundation. Somehow, I went from fearing how Dahlia could hurt me to wanting to stop anything and anyone from hurting her.”

Julian says this to himself when he sees Dahlia feeling sad. This quote illustrates the great change in his feelings toward Dahlia as well as his persistent need to fix the problems of others rather than focusing on his own problems. It is also one of many times in the novel that Lauren Asher switches between a character’s inner thoughts and their narration, showing the entire truth of what they feel in italics.

“‘I let Oliver redefine my self-worth. I doubted everything that made me feel like me because I thought that was part of growing up. That love was about compromise.’ ‘If you have to change yourself to fit someone’s ideal version of you, then that’s not love.’”

This exchange between Dahlia and Julian illustrates Dahlia’s fears about having a relationship, as well as her recovery from her breakup. It also juxtaposes Oliver with Julian, showing how Julian truly cares about Dahlia, rather than how Oliver only appeared to care about her despite making her doubt herself.

“This is what life is all about […] Living rather than going through the motions.”

Josefina tells this to Dahlia as they are decorating Julian’s office to pull a prank. Though both women know that he will hate what they are doing, Josefina draws their attention to the fun of doing it, knowing her son could use some more fun in his life rather than the stagnancy he is used to. Josefina’s advice reflects The Importance of Family in the novel, as she functions as a mentor figure to the couple.

“Maybe Julian is onto something when he says he wants to take things slow. I want to catalog every single second of tonight and lock it away in my memory bank because, while I can’t have him forever, I can have the memory of us.”

Dahlia thinks this when she spends the night with Julian. She has convinced herself that she cannot have a real relationship with Julian and must settle for a casual one, yet this passage also highlights her fear that she will lose Julian again as soon as their casual relationship is over—something she already knows the feeling of from their relationship in college.

“I’m not sure what the standard is regarding casual relationships, but I have a strange suspicion that Julian’s insistence on having dinner together and cuddling for an hour after sex isn’t it. Neither are your growing feelings toward him.”

Here Dahlia again questions the seriousness of her relationship with Julian, knowing that neither of them wants just a casual relationship that they have agreed upon. The final sentence in italics shows Dahlia’s innermost feelings about the subject, and the sudden shift in tone shows how her depression and trust issues creep into her head to distract her from her happier thoughts. Dahlia’s conflicted feelings also reflect The Benefits of Second Chances as she admits that she wants more.

“Asking for help doesn’t make you a burden or less than […] So stop telling yourself that.”

Dahlia tells this to Julian when she offers to help him with some parts of his business, seeing that he has been stretched too thin. This is a lesson Julian must learn throughout the novel and is something he has struggled with ever since his role in the family changed with the death of his father.

“She just hasn’t accepted it yet, but she will soon enough. Deep down, I know she feels the same way, but my girl is as stubborn as they come. Her fighting against the idea of us is to be expected with our history…but so is my victory.”

Julian thinks this after he admits that he is falling for Dahlia, but she is unable to do the same. The quote shows how their competitive nature is still at play even though their relationship is shifting. It also emphasizes just how deeply Julian and Dahlia know each other, as he predicts exactly what will happen by the end of the novel. His anticipation of their reunion invokes The Benefits of Second Chances.

“I’m hit with a wave of different emotions. Happiness. Sadness. Fear and uncertainty. I might not have it all figured out, but I do know one thing: […] My biggest issue isn’t that I don’t trust Julian, but that I don’t trust myself.”

This quote highlights Dahlia’s biggest obstacle to overcome in her relationship with Julian. Despite her mixed feelings about their changing relationship, she eventually recognizes that she must confront some feelings about herself in order to let herself be with Julian—a classic trope of contemporary romance novels.

“He reaches out for my trembling hand again and gives it a reassuring squeeze I don’t entirely deserve. Which is exactly why you’re going to pack your bags and go back to San Francisco before either one of you gets hurt. Except my plan quickly falls apart when my chest aches at pushing Julian away like he did to me all those years ago. He deserves better than that from you.”

Dahlia thinks this as Julian discusses making their relationship more serious. Again, her inner thoughts in italics juxtapose what she wants to believe in her narration, showing how her doubts and depression creep in. Though she recognizes that she is doing the same thing Julian did to her in college, Dahlia still feels she must push him away.

“‘This isn’t going to work between us.’ ‘Because of the long distance or your trust issues?’ […] Did I expect Dahlia to push me away when she realized how she felt about me? Yes, I did, yet I’m still disappointed to think she would so easily give up on us because of a few logistical problems.”

This exchange between Dahlia and Julian illustrates the core of their issues at this moment in their relationship. Though Dahlia still struggles with how she must heal to be in a healthy relationship, Julian easily sees this and knows it is something he must contend with for their relationship to work.

“I will always fight for what’s in our best interest, even if it means fighting you in the process.”

Julian says this to Dahlia when she continues to push him away and denies their chance at a serious relationship. Though he knows he will have to argue with Dahlia, this quote shows how he still puts her first, even if she can’t see it. This quote highlights the complex nature of their relationship and what they must overcome before they can be together.

“‘He decided to do those things because they made him happy, so why are you going to start doubting him and his choices now?’ […] ‘Because I’m afraid he will come to regret them in the long run, once the honeymoon phase ends and reality comes knocking.’”

Lily challenges Dahlia as they discuss the life-altering decisions Julian has made recently. Though Dahlia believes these choices have been made for her, Lily sees Julian’s choices for what they really are—something he wanted to do for his own happiness as well. Dahlia’s response in the final sentence also shows her doubts about the relationship and how they ultimately reflect her feeling unworthy of love, something she learned from her relationship with Oliver. Lily’s supportive role, like Josefina’s, helps to illustrate The Importance of Family in the novel.

“You still trust your intuition after everything you’ve been through? No, but it’s about time I started because I’m tired of doubting myself. […] It’s time to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and move on.”

This quote again shows how Dahlia’s brain is fighting itself as she considers her relationship with Julian and what she deserves. However, unlike previous quotes, there is a clear shift between the two italicized sentences. This excerpt shows Dahlia’s growth and how she is beginning to heal from her past relationship by trusting herself, rather than the person who always brought her down.

“With every fiber of my being, I know he loves me, and it’s time I showed him I feel the same way, even if it means putting my heart on the line once more. Experiencing Julian’s love for a moment is far better than me spending a lifetime without it, wondering what might have happened had I given him a chance.”

Dahlia thinks this when she realizes she can’t be without Julian and live a life she doesn’t feel happy in. This thought leads her to reject the proposal for her TV show in California and move back to Lake Wisteria, embracing The Benefits of Second Chances. Dahlia reveals her growth in the final chapters of the novel as she finally begins to prioritize what makes her happy.

“Dahlia’s happiness radiates off her with every grin, laugh, and joke, and I’m honored she invited me here to watch her thrive in front of the family who tried so damn hard to destroy her.”

Julian says this when he sees Dahlia at Oliver’s party. This again illustrates the major changes Dahlia goes through in the final chapters, all because she begins to trust herself above her critics like Oliver. Since she is able to do this, Dahlia is often pictured as happy and dazzling in the final chapters of the novel.

“We may be dating now, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up our competition anytime soon.”

Julian thinks this as he and Dahlia compete to give Nico the best Christmas gift. Though their relationship changes in many ways throughout the novel, their competitive nature stays the same, showing how their history still has an impact on their current relationship.