Loved and Missed

Ruth, a schoolteacher in London, meets with her old friends, Christine, Sarah, and Fran. Christine tells her she recently saw Ruth’s daughter, Eleanor, living on the street. The two are estranged due to Eleanor’s substance use disorder, and the news brings up Ruth’s complicated feelings of shame and sorrow. Her main source of joy and purpose is raising her young granddaughter, Lily, who lives with her.

The narrative flashes back three years to a Christmas picnic Ruth arranged with Eleanor and her boyfriend, Ben. The meeting was strained, but Ruth was filled with joy and hope when Eleanor announced she was pregnant with a baby girl.

Back in the present, Ruth recalls the chaotic christening for seven-month-old Lily. To help the new parents, Ruth sold a valuable painting by the artist Sickert for £4,000. Eleanor and Ben arrived late and disheveled. When the intended godparents did not appear, Father Pat asked Ruth to be godmother. Eleanor designated Sheila, a former student of Ruth’s who attended the christening while intoxicated, as the other. After the service, Ruth gave the £4,000 to Eleanor and Ben as a gift for Lily, asking in return to take the baby home for a week. They agreed, and Father Pat witnessed the transaction with disapproval. Ruth remembers Lily’s first weeks in the hospital, neglected by her parents and suffering from withdrawal after being born addicted. She left the church with Lily, feeling triumphant.

A few days later, Eleanor called to ask for Lily back. Ruth drove to their flat, bringing a roast chicken for dinner. She found the apartment squalid and full of people using drugs. In the bedroom, she discovered a man who appears to have overdosed. She alerted Ben, who seemed unsurprised. Realizing the environment was dangerously unsafe, Ruth left with Lily just as an ambulance arrived. She resolved to gain permanent legal custody.

Ruth then reflects on her painful relationship with Eleanor during her teenage years, which was marked by cruelty, running away, and an overdose. This contrasts with the deep, uncomplicated love she shares with Lily. Deciding she can no longer endure the emotional turmoil, Ruth detaches from Eleanor to focus on raising Lily, and they move to a smaller flat in a safer neighborhood. Their life becomes happy and stable; they enjoy vacations together, and Lily learns to play the violin. During this period, they have a chance encounter with Ben on a bus; Lily waves at him, and he waves back kindly, not recognizing either of them. Eleanor’s visits are rare, and when she does appear, she is fragile and subdued.

On Lily’s seventh birthday, Eleanor is arrested. Ruth’s friend and colleague, Jean, goes to the police station so Ruth can proceed with Lily’s birthday party. Eleanor is sentenced to six months in prison and serves nearly four. Ruth visits twice before Eleanor asks her to stop. Ruth and Lily cope with Eleanor’s incarceration by taking long walks. After her release, Eleanor ignores Ruth’s attempts to connect. Ruth writes an emotional letter but, fearing it will only make things worse, persuades the postman to return it to her.

When Lily is almost 15, Ruth is diagnosed with severe cancer and given about five years to live. Lily calls Eleanor to tell her about the diagnosis. Eleanor promises to visit but never arrives. Lily and Ruth have a frank conversation about their family’s history of estrangement. Ruth recalls an affair she had years ago with Christine’s husband, Luke, while she was caring for her own dying mother. The details of the affair strongly imply that Luke is Eleanor’s biological father.

Ruth’s health declines rapidly, and the subsequent medical treatment is agonizing. Lily does her best to care for grandmother, supported by Ruth’s friend, Jean. During one hospital stay, Ruth is visited by Father Pat, and they have a profound conversation about forgiveness. Lily arranges for Eleanor to visit. In what Ruth experiences as a heartfelt reconciliation, Eleanor tells her she was a good mother and promises to care for Lily. Lily later confirms to a relieved Ruth that Eleanor has joined a methadone program and is in recovery. Ruth dies peacefully.

The final chapter shifts to Lily’s first-person perspective. She reveals that she had to carefully coach a fragile Eleanor on what to say during the hospital visit. Jean was initially hostile toward Eleanor, but Lily intervened, begging her to be kind for Ruth’s sake. Eleanor does not attend the funeral, where Lily plays “Danny Boy” on her violin.

Lily writes to Eleanor and invites her to take any of Ruth’s belongings from the flat. Jean objects, fearing Eleanor will sell everything for drugs, but Lily insists. On the appointed day, Lily realizes the flat contains morphine leftover from Ruth’s treatment. She arrives terrified that Eleanor has taken it, only to discover the morphine untouched and the flat empty. Eleanor never came.

Overwhelmed by grief and rage at her mother’s final abandonment, Lily breaks down. Jean arrives and comforts her. Lily recalls a past conversation with Ruth where she interpreted the phrase “Loved and Missed” on a gravestone as a failed attempt at love. Jean then reveals that her own 15-year-old granddaughter is pregnant. The novel ends with Lily and Jean leaving the flat, ready to form a new, unconventional family.