Mate

“Except that the Randomly Selected Human Orphan turned out to be more like the Purposefully Chosen Human-Were Hybrid Who Needed to Be Kept Under Surveillance by the Vampyres to Prevent the World from Finding Out That Humans and Weres Are Actually Reproductively Compatible and Might Therefore Decide to Not Hate Each Other or Even Form Alliances Against the Vampyres. Plot twist.”

Serena’s internal monologue connects with the novel’s theme of Finding Identity and Belonging Through Connection. For years, Serena was led to believe that she was a typical Human girl; when she learned she was a hybrid, her entire sense of self and reality changed. Her identity was immediately politicized, complicating Serena’s ability to formulate an identity that felt true to her. Serena’s sarcasm and her awareness of the absurdity of her situation are conveyed through her deadpan “Plot twist.”

“My real nature was kept from me. The former governor was afraid that as a hybrid, I had the potential to become a symbol of unity between Weres and Humans—an unwelcome one, since his political career was based on divisiveness and fearmongering.”

Serena’s hybrid identity complicates her ability to live her life on her own terms because her very existence is “a symbol.” She has been limited to her political utility, viewed as a pawn instead of being regarded as a person with needs, thoughts, desires, and opinions. Caught between Weres and Humans, Serena struggles to locate a definite sense of acceptance or belonging. Her concerns in this passage capture the exchange between her internal and external struggles.

“I don’t think I’m capable of jealousy. It’s a feeling that requires the assumption that something is due, and I never developed that. Years in an orphanage, then more years as the Collateral’s baby doll, will beat the possessiveness out of anyone.”

Serena and Misery’s relationship informs Serena’s sense of self, with Misery acting as a foil for Serena. Serena grew up with Misery and regards her as her best friend and her sister. Although she misses sharing life with her in the narrative present, Serena is not jealous of Misery’s circumstances. She is happy for Misery but does not believe that she deserves the same happiness and love, exemplified by her comment that she never “developed” “the assumption that something is due.”

“Tell him, I order myself. Tell him. Tell him everything. It’ll make things so much easier. But it wouldn’t. It would be incredibly selfish. Things would be easier for me and significantly more complicated for everyone else. ‘Nothing bad. You’re right, my appetite has been low. Nausea. Issues sleeping. One of the Southwest physicians, Dr. Henshaw, said it’s stress from…’ I shrug and smile.”

Serena’s impulse to be vulnerable with Koen conflicts with her desire to protect him and herself. Her heart tells her to open up to him about her condition and her future, but she withholds this information for fear of compromising his position and complicating their relationship. Serena is fighting her own instincts, a self-protective habit she has learned over the years, and the narrative highlights this impulse by juxtaposing her italicized thoughts with what she actually says, which is very different.

“For my entire life, I’ve felt ambivalent about learning anything regarding my parents. Not your average orphan’s attitude—though maybe it is? I’m sure some of us seek to uncover our past to better define our future, and all that therapy stuff, while others are as blasé as I am.”

Serena’s musings on her parentage contribute to the novel’s theme of finding identity and belonging through connection. Serena is trying to convince herself that “learning anything regarding her parents” is unimportant to her and irrelevant to her present identity. In truth, Serena is not as “blasé” as she claims to be, afraid of delving into her past for fear of what her buried memories might reveal.

“‘You live here,’ I tell Koen. Accusingly. His scent is everywhere. It coats every object in a blanket of good and calm and safe and—did I mention good? I feel it stick to my nostrils and the roof of my mouth. It’s like he took off his shirt and gave me permission to lick his skin, and—What the hell? No.”

Serena’s response to Koen’s cabin underscores the symbolic significance of the setting. The cabin makes Serena feel as if she is immersed in Koen’s scent, warmth, and comfort. The setting is an extension of Koen’s aura and his positive effect on Serena. In this passage, Serena is so sensually overcome by the space that she starts to sexually fantasize about Koen. She abruptly halts the fantasy, however, because she remains fearful of her own desires.

“This place is so peaceful. So mysterious and nostalgic. The vegetation is not unlike the forest around my old cabin, but that was inland. The ocean makes it even more breathtaking. In my previous life I longed to travel, but that required money, and I tended to use what little I had on other luxuries. Eating, for instance.”

This descriptive passage affects a peaceful narrative mood by focusing on the nature and environmental aspects of the landscape. Although Serena’s circumstances are less than ideal, coming to the cabin offers her a sense of freedom she has not had before. She may not have had the opportunity to travel in the past, but she is now able to enjoy new landscapes. She is also attuned to her surroundings in this scene, which conveys her ability to appreciate beauty.

“But the sallow, emaciated girl blinking at me in the changing room mirror is no one at all. Her dark hair hangs limply from a middle part, far too long. Her collarbones are sharper than knives. Her identity has been peeled off layer by layer.”

The image of Serena studying her reflection in the mirror contributes to the novel’s theme of finding identity and belonging through connection. She is examining her physical appearance, but what she sees does not align with who she believes herself to be. The girl in the mirror feels estranged from the girl Serena is, physically unrecognizable, and the fact that she sees the girl as “no one at all” highlights how divorced she is from her former identity.

“In my ideal, remarkably unremarkable future that will never be, I’d go to a job I love, come home, make dinner for someone whose face was in my head and heart all day long, and spend the rest of the night watching boring TV shows with them. Of course it’ll never happen, and it sounds so basic, I’m almost sure that if I had a chance to play in that particular sandbox, I’d grow bored of in two weeks. But maybe I wouldn’t?”

Serena’s daydreams about her “remarkably unremarkable” future convey the simplicity of her longing—all she wants is a mundane, everyday existence. Her fantasies of the future provide insight into the sort of home and family life she wants to feel safe. She imagines herself working a job, making dinner, and watching television with someone she loves—imaginings which evoke a calm, domestic mood. She does not yet know it at this juncture of the novel, but this is the ultimate happy ending Serena will get with Koen.

“Killer, none of this is mine to be taken. An Alpha doesn’t own a pack, and whoever tells you otherwise has no business overseeing a gas station toilet, let alone thousands of Weres. It’s the opposite: the pack owns the Alpha like it would a tool, and if a newer, better tool shows up, I’ll gladly step down.”

Koen’s explanation of the role of the Alpha provides insight into his own predicament, in which he is used like a “tool” for the pack, a depiction of leadership that conflicts with how it is normally perceived. His comments draw a parallel between his own and Serena’s circumstances: Much like Serena, Koen in fact has little agency over his body, decisions, life, and future. The pack owns and uses him in much the same way the Vampyres and Humans have possessed and used Serena. Both characters are familiar with powerlessness and share a mutual longing for freedom.

“She takes a deep breath. Runs the back of her hand over her mouth. And then resigns herself to be the one to give me the news. ‘Serena, the Alpha of Northwest pack is traditionally asked to honor a celibacy covenant. He’s forbidden by law to engage in any kind of intimate relationships—emotional or physical.”

Amanda’s revelation about the celibacy covenant alters the stakes of Serena and Koen’s romance. Her discomfort about the revelation is illustrated through the imagery of her drawing “the back of her hand over her mouth.” At the novel’s start, their dynamic straddles the enemies-to-lovers and friends-to-lovers romance trope. When Serena learns about the covenant, she realizes that she and Koen can’t be together because their love is forbidden—and not because they are too different or similar. The forbidden romance trope augments the tension between the romantic counterparts and creates more barriers to their love.

“Because I didn’t expect him to be standing so close to me. But also, clean shaven and without his hair hiding his features, he seems younger. Less moody. His face feels so…open. Direct. Available. Like maybe, if I applied myself, I could tell what he’s thinking half of the time. There could be room for me, in the life of a man with that face.”

Serena and Koen’s physical proximity in this scene intensifies Serena’s longing to be with him. They are “standing so close,” and Serena can see all of his features and read his open facial expressions. The openness of his face invites Serena to be vulnerable with him; she begins to entertain thoughts of a future with Koen despite the odds against them. This passionate moment foreshadows the risks they will take to be together in the coming chapters.

“And yet, as Dr. Silas inhales deeply, I’m on tenterhooks. If he doesn’t recognize me, what would that mean? What if he does? What if my parents are alive and well? What if I am forced to meet them, listen to their excuses, and maybe even forgive them? Because that’s what I should do, right? Be gracious and compassionate and somehow over it and—”

The repetition of questions in this passage affects an interrogative, harried, and anxious narrative mood. Serena has repeatedly told herself that she does not want to know who her parents are and that her parental origins are irrelevant to her present identity. In this passage, she realizes otherwise. She is trying to imagine how her life would change should she discover or even meet her parents—a reality she has difficulty facing.

“‘I…’ He shakes his head, at a loss for words, and in this moment—when he looks as confused as I feel, when he chooses to share his lack of understanding with me, I think I love him. Just a little bit.”

Serena is drawn to Koen’s openness and vulnerability, which allows her to own her feelings for him. Throughout the novel thus far, Serena has tried to deny her attraction to and care for Koen. She has quashed her feelings because she is afraid of hurting Koen or disappointing herself. In this passage, because of his own willingness to express confusion, she is more willing to take risks in their relationship and with her heart.

“Koen presses his lips together, clearly worried, and my entire body hurts with how much I care for him. I would give a year of my life, a year I don’t even have, to press a kiss against the corner of his lips. Lower, where the stubble is quickly regrowing. I would do illegal, maybe even unethical things, in exchange for the right to bury my nose in the crook of his throat, where the scent of him is densest.”

Serena’s passionate internal monologue contributes to the novel’s theme of Romance as Rebellion. Serena knows it is an impossibility for her and Koen to be together; even still, she is willing to “do illegal and maybe even unethical things” to be with him. She is willing to sacrifice her dignity and betray societal expectations to follow her heart. This passage reveals that her care for Koen is a deep-rooted devotion.

“Estrus often accentuates sexual behaviors. For instance, you might find yourself wanting to please your partner more than usual. In turn, a partner tends to become very protective of a Were in Heat. They will not take well to threats against them […] That’s why isolation is usually considered the ideal scenario.”

Layla’s bald explanation of Estrus offers Serena comfort and guidance. Serena is accustomed to people withholding or softening the truth to protect her feelings. She is used to being in the dark or expecting the worst. Layla offers more direct insight into her future condition and thus helps her to navigate the weeks ahead. She feels more in control as a result, and her changing understanding develops the novel’s theme of Consent and Agency in Romantic Relationships.

“I don’t have CSD. Which means that I have more than just months left. I can make choices. I can go back to the Southwest, see Ana grow up, watch Misery be the worst parent on the planet. I can be a journalist again, or a financial advisor, or dedicate the next ten years to learning how to solve Rubik’s Cubes. I can apply for a loan, buy a cabin close to the Pacific Coast, and spend my mornings exploring the shoreline.”

Serena’s stream of consciousness in this passage affects an energetic and hopeful mood. She is suddenly able to imagine a rich and expansive future for herself after discovering she does not, in fact, have a terminal condition. She lists all the things she can now see herself doing, a list which is unextraordinary but captures Serena’s gratitude for her life and her new understanding of her life as full of possibility.

“‘Or maybe things have changed. Have to admit, killer, that your presence in my life has been humbling. A fucking revelatory experience. Thought I knew myself, but…’ He laughs. Rubs his palm against his mouth. ‘The truth is, if you decide to spend your Heat with someone else, they’ll have to chain me at the bottom of a well and seal its mouth with concrete.”

Koen uses plain, direct language to communicate his feelings for Serena, offering her a model for how to openly communicate. He is admitting how attached he has become to her in their time together, and how much she has altered his outlook on himself and his reality. The image of him chained “at the bottom of a sealed well” implies that Koen would do anything to get to Serena.

“They call it ‘the celibacy covenant,’ but it’s a misnomer. It puts all the focus on the sex, when what’s really forbidden to Alphas is to form bonds that might interfere with their ability to serve the pack. An Alpha’s decisions should always benefit the Northwest. An Alpha’s family could serve as a tool of manipulation. Therefore, an Alpha shouldn’t have one.”

Koen’s explanation of the celibacy covenant underscores its symbolic significance. The covenant represents societal expectations; Koen’s Northwest pack does not expect him to act on his desires or feelings in any context. He is meant to deny his basic needs for the sake of the common good, voiding his distinct identity.

“That is the problem. She was younger than I am now. Pregnant with the baby of a Were cult leader whose restraint was worthy of Caligula’s orgies. Lost girl to lost girl, I cannot help wondering whether she felt alone. Overwhelmed. Scared. Proud, I’m sure Irene would say but…Am I just projecting?”

Serena gains insight into herself when she discovers who her mother was, sees a picture of her for the first time, and learns more about her life. She notes the parallels between herself and Fiona; comparing herself to her mom is Serena’s attempt at reconciling with her fraught parental origins. She is seeking to understand Fiona via her own experience and vice versa. This passage marks an important turning point in Serena’s search for identity and belonging.

“The thing is…We need him, too. The Northwest needs Koen precisely because of everything I just told you. And that’s why I’m not going to tell a soul. […] No one will ever know where he’ll spend the next few days. He’ll be yours for a while, Serena. But after, you must return him. So think of it as a loan.”

Layla assumes the role of Serena’s archetypal guide, mentoring her through Estrus and her relationship with the Alpha. She offers Serena insight into her physical condition and empowers her with knowledge about her body. She also promises to keep Serena’s secret and gives her the license to act on her feelings for Koen. Her words grant Serena the allowance to humor and explore her emotions and her sexuality.

“I wonder if he’s storing every little touch for later. If he’s even aware of what he’s doing, staring at me with a faint half smile that is just…Lovesick. It’s like a boulder in my stomach, the transience of this. Of us. We’re momentary. Impermanent. Doomed.”

Serena and Koen grow closer over the course of Serena’s Heat. They spend the four days locked in Koen’s cabin engaged in passionate sex. In this moment of calm, Serena studies Koen as he studies her. She feels “a boulder in her stomach” because the moment is melancholy and bittersweet; she and Koen are falling deeper in love, but with every passing moment, they draw closer to losing one another, a realization emphasized by the way her sentences shorten throughout, ending in a series of one-word declarations.

“But, Serena, the thing about Ana and Lowe and Juno and every other person I’ll meet for the rest of my life is…they’re not you. They don’t get it. They’re never going to get it. […] Just like Koen or Amanda are never going to get it. They’ll get other things. They’ll get other moments—they’ll get their own exclusives. But they won’t get this.”

Misery confronts Serena about her withholding and secrecy at the novel’s end, forcing her to confront her mistakes and to accept love. Misery cares deeply for Serena and speaks to her in a blunt manner that echoes Koen’s straightforward declarations. She expresses her frustrations with Serena while reminding Serena that she is loved, wanted, and unique. In turn, she is reminding Serena that she can always find acceptance, belonging, and love in their relationship.