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Barbara ParkA modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
The Harte family struggles with immense feelings of grief and loss after Mick’s death. Phoebe describes her shock as “this total feeling of emptiness in my gut. Like a cannonball had been shot cleanly through my middle” (26). This is a simile, where something is compared to something else using “like” or “as”—in this case, Phoebe’s grief being “like a cannonball.” The image speaks to Phoebe’s distress; it denotes both a pain which is violent and physical in magnitude, and an unimaginable absence. Phoebe cries inconsolably in the days following the accident: “I cried so hard my stomach muscles hurt when I touched them, and my sheets and pillowcase got so soggy with tears and sweat” (35). The intensity of her tears illustrates how much she loved Mick, and the extent of her suffering after his death.
Phoebe’s parents also weep inconsolably; this is shocking for Phoebe and adds to her distress: “My father broke down then. Heaving these terrible sobs into his hands. I went numb when I heard that” (28). Phoebe’s reaction denotes shock at her father’s devastation. She explains: “It’s just so scary, you know? Hearing your pop cry like that” (28).
Mick’s death disrupts Phoebe’s parents’ roles as self-sufficient and stable caregivers; they are rendered incapable of regulating their emotions or caring for Phoebe. This is illustrated by Phoebe’s mother turning into a “zombie,” and rarely surfacing from a sleeping-tablet-induced sleep. Phoebe is especially distressed when her mother cannot talk to her about Mick’s death; when Phoebe brings up Mick—“my mother put her hands over her ears and stood up” (41).
Phoebe is unaccustomed to her needs not being met; she feels abandoned in her time of despair by her most important caregiver. This makes Phoebe feel isolated and furious. She screams: “THIS ISN’T ONLY ABOUT YOU MOTHER!” (42). Phoebe’s mother’s uncharacteristic refusal to speak to her, and Phoebe’s uncharacteristic explosive anger, speaks to both characters’ overwhelming grief, which manifests in opposing ways. Barbara Park illustrates that grief, even when shared by others, can be extremely isolating and confusing.
Park emphasizes the “methodical and organized” order of the Hartes’ family life before Mick’s accident to emphasize their lethargic and depressed manner immediately afterward (6). This juxtaposition illustrates the extent of the family’s distress; previously, Phoebe’s life has been ruled by the timetabled demands of working parents and school-aged children, whereas after Mick’s death, the family cannot eat, sleep, talk to each other, or even watch television—“even though the TV was always on, we almost never sat down to watch it” (32). They do not talk: “nothing seemed important enough to say” (32).
Furthermore, the family loses their appetite, a further symptom of their all-consuming grief—“we mostly just ate cereal standing up if we got hungry. Which was never” (32). This is in sharp contrast to the family’s usual habit of sitting at the dining table in allocated seats, eating servings of hamburgers “weighed out in precise quarter-pound servings on [Mrs. Harte’s] kitchen scales” (6).
Phoebe and her father struggle with remorse over choices which they feel inadvertently led to Mick’s death. Phoebe is haunted by her decision not to ride Mick’s bike home after school. She feels that if she had agreed, Mick would still be alive. She tells her father: “If only I had ridden his bike home, Mick would still be here right now” (84). Phoebe’s father comforts her by reminding her of the hundred tiny variables which led Mick, the truck, and the rock in the road to be in that place at that time. He also admits his own remorse—“If only I had made him wear his helmet” (85).
Both Phoebe and her father dwell on their actions, wishing that they could change the events which led to Mick’s passing. Their guilt reflects their intense love for Mick, and their overwhelming desire that they could change the events which led to his tragic death.
Phoebe also feels guilt for the ways she treated her brother the morning of his accident. While their fighting over a cereal box prize can be considered an ordinary sibling tiff, Phoebe feels regret that she didn’t take this last opportunity to convey love and adoration for her brother. Phoebe is obsessed with the events of the day of Mick’s death. This is evident in her admission that: “I’ve replayed that scene in my head a hundred times since the day it happened” (19). Phoebe struggles with how these interactions—so every day in nature—are the last that she will ever have with Mick. As she reflects: “I didn’t even say goodbye” (18).
After Mick’s death, Phoebe struggles to enjoy happy moments, given that her brother is no longer alive to experience them. One month after Mick’s death, Phoebe “started to laugh more often” (83). These moments are accompanied by guilt: “I still feel guilty when I’m having too good a time” (83). She feels conflicted that she can still experience positive feelings when she is so consumed with grief. She must learn to accept the contradictory nature of her emotions, and that she is entitled to happiness even though Mick tragically lost his life.
Slowly and painstakingly, Mick’s family learns to live with his absence, and to accept its shocking reality. At first, this seems unimaginable. Phoebe’s initial refusal to accept Mick’s passing is shown by her distressed reaction to her father trying to close Mick’s bedroom door. There is a sense of finality in this gesture which is unpalatable to Phoebe during this very early stage of grieving: “I ran to where he was standing. ‘Please, Pop,’ I begged. ‘Please.’ I pushed Mick’s door open again” (27).
When Zoe suggests that the grief counselor has helped Mick’s peers, Phoebe does not feel—given the gravity of the situation—that it is right that people should be feeling better. Trying to heal and move on feels, for Phoebe, like a terrible betrayal of Mick: “I would never feel better. Feeling better sounded almost disloyal” (38). She intentionally remains in a state of devastation, looking at Mick’s beloved treasures in order to “make sure I stayed as depressed and loyal and possible” (38). Phoebe sees her reluctance to heal as a testament to her love.
Eventually, weighed down by feeling “horrible and confused,” Phoebe reaches out to Zoe (47). This allows Phoebe to cathartically vent her distress and grief, and shows that she has started the journey of processing Mick’s death: She “started talking for the first time since Mick had died. Talking about my parents. And the accident” (47).
In this exchange, Park refers to religious and spiritual belief systems, which she suggests can bring relief from the weight of grief and loss. Phoebe feels distressed by her inability to understand Mick’s absence: “I mean where is he, Zoe? Right now. Right at this very minute” (49). Zoe helps Phoebe to make sense of it. She reasons that, “if God is everywhere” and “Mick is with God, then Mick could be everywhere too” (53). Phoebe’s distress is eased slightly by Zoe’s theory; she feels that Mick is still with her and can still hear her. This allows her to feel a sense of residual connection to Mick during the time she is missing him the most. Phoebe’s decision to seek Zoe’s support is shown to be a positive step. Afterward, Phoebe concludes: “I could always talk to her [Zoe] […] No matter what I was feeling” (48).
Eventually, the Hartes learn to live with Mick’s loss through commemorating and celebrating him. For example, Phoebe and her mother exchange stories about Mick’s hilarious antics on a family road trip: “You said if he talked like Elmer Fudd one more time, you weren’t going to take him to Disneyland” (72). Significantly, and for the first time since Mick’s death, Phoebe and her mother laugh together: “She started to laugh. We both did” (72). The family starts to find, once the shock of Mick’s death is slightly less raw, that memories of Mick can bring solace, joy, and connection—both to Mick and with each other. They are able to celebrate the wonderful person he was, rather than solely grieving his absence.
Phoebe also finds comfort and purpose in speaking out about the importance of wearing a helmet when riding. In trying to prevent similar needless deaths, she continues to rebuild her life. She produces Mick’s helmet, “still brand-new,” at the school assembly. She tells the school, “this was my brother’s bike helmet” (81). The effectiveness of Phoebe’s presentation is conveyed by the silence of the assembled children—“there was just this gasp. And no one laughed at all. No one even moved” (81). The students’ awe illustrates the power of Phoebe’s brave decision to harness her grief and contribute to saving others’ lives.



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