Mostly What God Does: Reflections on Seeking and Finding His Love Everywhere

Hymns such as “Great Is Thy Faithfulness,” which she once found formal and hard to understand as a child, now resonate with her as poetic and inspired, forming a soundtrack to her faith journey. Guthrie highlights the comfort she finds in the hymn’s line, “Thou changest not” (167), emphasizing the unchanging nature of God’s love and compassion. This constancy contrasts sharply with her own internal dialogue, which she likens to a stock ticker, with her self-assessment fluctuating wildly. She connects this to her childhood, marked by a need to please and maintain peace due to her father’s unpredictable moods. This habit transferred to her relationship with God, where she initially saw Him as a critical and judgmental figure.

Over time, through aging and gaining wisdom, she learned to understand and accept God’s true nature—one of unwavering love and grace. She emphasizes that true freedom in faith comes from recognizing that God’s love does not change and that individuals don’t need to earn His approval through relentless self-criticism. Instead, faith and belief are what please God, as highlighted in verses like Galatians 5:1 and Hebrews 11:6.

Guthrie concludes by asserting that God is the sole judge of peoples’ souls and promises compassion. She reassures that internal change comes from experiencing God’s unmerited grace and love, which are constant and unchanging, as echoed in Philippians 1:6.

A shoplifting phase during junior high filled Guthrie with guilt and led her to confess to her mother. Despite her mother’s disappointment, Guthrie found relief in telling the truth and being forgiven, emphasizing the liberating power of confession. She reflects on her traditional Baptist upbringing, which focused heavily on sin, guilt, and judgment, often overshadowing the messages of love, mercy, and forgiveness. This instilled in her a fear of God and a constant sense of being judged.

Guthrie describes how her father’s own sense of personal shame and harsh self-judgment influenced her, leading her to adopt a similar attitude toward herself and God. This resulted in a never-ending cycle of self-assessment, blame, and fear. She acknowledges that many people have had similar religious experiences, leading them to abandon faith due to its heavy emphasis on guilt without sufficient grace.

In contrast, contemporary culture often swings to the other extreme, avoiding discussions of guilt and sin entirely, yet still lacking true grace and forgiveness. Guthrie argues that individuals need to confront the truth about themselves—flaws and wrongdoings—in the context of God’s forgiveness and mercy. She shares how this perspective has influenced her parenting, teaching her children to be honest about their mistakes, seek forgiveness, and understand that God washes their sins clean.

Guthrie concludes by emphasizing that true freedom comes from acknowledging weaknesses and shortcomings while knowing that one is loved, accepted, and forgiven by God. This realization, Guthrie argues, allows honesty with oneself without falling into the trap of self-condemnation, finding liberation in God’s unchanging love and grace.

During law school, Guthrie was plagued by overwhelming guilt and feelings of condemnation, which she initially attributed to God or demonic forces. Despite her engagement with Bible study and prayer, she felt harassed by an incessant sense of her own sin and guilt, which disrupted her peace and sleep.

Guthrie describes experiencing terrifying nightmares and a persistent dark presence. In her desperation, she reached out to a pastor from her past who questioned her concept of God. This conversation helped her realize that the condemning voice she heard was not God’s but a counterfeit voice.

She argues that God’s true nature is loving and kind, even when confronting one about sins. Guthrie reflects on the scene of the Last Supper, where Jesus, while predicting his betrayal, was physically and spiritually calm, speaking with authority and love without condemnation.

Guthrie also discusses a church practice of corporate confession and the relief it brings when done with an understanding of God’s merciful nature. She highlights the importance of distinguishing between genuine conviction from God and false accusations that lead to unnecessary guilt.

She concludes by sharing how she gradually overcame her feelings of condemnation by remembering God’s true nature as loving and forgiving. She emphasizes the duality of salvation: repentance followed by rest in God’s love and forgiveness, drawing a parallel to Jesus’s posture of reclining at the Last Supper.

A scene from the movie The Mission left a lasting impression on Guthrie. The movie, based on a true story from the late 1700s, depicts Jesuit missionaries converting Indigenous people in South America to Christianity. Robert De Niro plays Rodrigo Mendoza, a mercenary and trader of enslaved people who, after killing his brother in a fit of rage, is consumed by guilt. Believing there is no penance hard enough to atone for his sin, Rodrigo agrees to a grueling penance devised by a priest.

Rodrigo’s penance involves hauling a heavy makeshift pack of metal, wood, and rubbish up a mountain to the villages he once terrorized. Despite the excruciating journey and offers from younger priests to cut him loose, Rodrigo refuses, believing he must bear the burden of his sins. Upon reaching the top, he faces the Indigenous people he once enslaved. Expecting to be killed, he instead experiences an act of forgiveness: the leader severs the rope around his neck, releasing his burden. Overwhelmed, Rodrigo is embraced by the priest in a moment of tearful relief.

Guthrie draws a parallel between this scene and the transformative power of God’s forgiveness. She emphasizes that many of us carry shame and guilt like a burden, but God, through His mercy, severs these ties, freeing individuals and enveloping them in His love. She quotes N. T. Wright, who describes forgiveness as the force that cuts the ropes of sin, anger, fear, and death, ultimately leading to the victory of the cross.

Guthrie contends that God’s forgiveness is unconditional and not dependent on acts of contrition or self-punishment. Instead, it is a gift that creates a bond of gratitude and loyalty between one and God. Guthrie interprets Psalm 116:1-2 as a testament to the eternal connection forged through God’s grace, leading individuals to call on Him out of love rather than obligation.