My Next Breath: A Memoir

Renner describes a New Year’s celebration that became unexpectedly meaningful. Each year, he hosts about 25 family members at his mountain home near Lake Tahoe, which he calls “Camp Renner.” This gathering is his most important family tradition.

The narrative begins with a series of travel mishaps that nearly prevented Renner from reaching his own celebration. Renner, his daughter Ava, and his nephew Alex missed their flight from Los Angeles by mere minutes. With no other flights available and a major storm approaching, Renner decided to drive eight hours to Lake Tahoe instead. The trip got more complicated when he accidentally left his car keys on the roof, forcing Alex to go back and find them.

Renner recalls that the storm that hit was historic: Weather forecasters predicted a record-breaking storm that would dump five feet of snow and bring 100-mile-per-hour winds. Despite the dangerous conditions, the family gathered at Camp Renner just before the storm struck. Once the storm began, it knocked out all power, cell service, and internet for days. The family was completely cut off from the outside world. Rather than seeing this as a problem, Renner found it transformative. Without phones or television, the family talked, played games, and connected in deeper ways. His niece Kayla noticed that Renner himself seemed more present and affectionate than usual, which was significant because he typically keeps to himself in large groups.

The storm created practical challenges, especially with cooking. Renner’s sister Kym tried to make a roast dinner but struggled without reliable power. On New Year’s Eve, Renner and his friend Rory went to Reno for food supplies. Renner recounts the story of how he met Rory, an “approachable and goofy-funny” (15) Canadian who didn’t recognize Renner when he first met him despite having just seen one of his movies. On the way back from their food run, Renner and Rory found that authorities had closed the mountain road. Renner refused to give up and convinced local police to escort him back up the mountain.

The actual New Year’s celebration was simple but meaningful. The family watched the ball drop on a phone with weak signal, seeing the Times Square celebration hours late. Renner contrasts the crowded New York scene with their quiet mountain gathering, emphasizing how real their family connection felt. 

The chapter ends with Renner watching his family have a massive snowball fight, seeing adults become playful like children again. Looking ahead to 2023, Renner felt optimistic about his work projects but acknowledged the tension between his career and spending time with his daughter Ava, whom he calls his “home.” He resolved to make different choices, especially about work that takes him away from her.

Chapter 2 recounts the catastrophic accident that nearly killed Renner on New Year’s Day 2023. Stranded by heavy snowfall at his property, Renner and his companions—including his nephew Alex and longtime friend Dave Kelsey—attempted to clear snow and escape to go skiing. After sharing a moment of gratitude and optimism about the new year, the group faced multiple equipment failures while trying to dig out vehicles.

When Renner’s Ford Raptor became stuck in a snowbank near the main road, they decided to use the snowcat for extraction. Alex operated the snowcat to pull the truck free, but during the disconnection process, Renner made a critical error. Unable to see Alex from the cab due to the raised blade, Renner stepped onto the machine’s tracks to communicate with his nephew but failed to engage the parking brake. The snowcat began sliding on ice toward Alex, who was handling chains on the ground. Recognizing that his nephew would be crushed between the 14,000-pound machine and the truck, Renner attempted to leap back into the cab to hit the emergency stop button. Motivated purely by love and family devotion, he made what he describes as an impossible jump across the spinning tracks.

Renner’s feet lost their grip, and he was catapulted forward, striking the ice head-first and opening a severe gash. The snowcat continued forward, crushing his body beneath its six wheels and 76 steel track ridges over approximately five seconds. The chapter provides graphic detail of the crushing process, describing the sounds and sensations as his skull split, bones cracked (38 total fractures), and his left eye was displaced from its socket. From Alex’s perspective, he managed to escape into the Raptor at the last second, repeatedly saying “please be quick” as he expected to die. After the machine passed, Alex—drawing on his previous crisis experience—calmly assessed Renner’s injuries and recognized the severity of the situation.

Regaining consciousness face-down on the ice, Renner immediately identified his compromised breathing as the most critical threat. Unable to breathe naturally, he realized he would need to consciously control each breath while enduring excruciating pain. The chapter introduces what Renner calls “cheat codes”—mental frameworks that emerged during the crisis. The primary mantra, “THE ONLY OBSTACLE IN YOUR WAY IS YOU,” provided a foundation for his survival efforts (38). Additionally, his understanding that stress represents a fear-based response helped him focus on body awareness techniques developed through his acting career.

A crucial element of Renner’s survival psychology involved his connection to family members, with images of loved ones flooding his consciousness and providing him with the determination to live. His background as an actor, particularly his body awareness and breathing techniques, also proved crucial for survival. The chapter concludes with Renner’s recognition that he faced a 40-minute ordeal on the ice, during which he would need to manually control his breathing while his family remained unaware of the disaster occurring half a mile away.

Chapter 3 establishes the crucial childhood experiences that prepared Renner for survival during his life-threatening crisis. The chapter’s central revelation concerns Renner’s unexpected participation in Lamaze breathing classes when he was 12 or 13 years old. As the oldest of seven children, Renner often served as a caregiver to his mother. When she became pregnant with his sister Nicky and needed to attend Lamaze classes, she brought him along to the YMCA sessions instead of leaving him at soccer practice. 

Renner learned controlled breathing techniques designed to manage pain during childbirth. The experience provided him with intimate knowledge of breathing as a pain management tool. Renner reflects that this seemingly insignificant childhood experience represented one of the most valuable lessons his mother ever gave him, though neither could have predicted its life-saving importance decades later.

Renner connects this lesson to his broader philosophy about information as his primary defense against fear and anxiety. Growing up as a latchkey child after his parents’ divorce when he was eight, Renner developed self-sufficiency through various adventures and mishaps, including building tree houses and engaging in dangerous games with friends. Through these experiences, he learned that knowledge and information consistently defeated anxiety and fear. 

Renner illustrates this theme with an anecdote about a car accident during his childhood. While riding without a seatbelt in the 1970s, his mother became distracted and rear-ended another vehicle, causing Renner’s head to strike the windshield. Despite receiving a concussion, he remained calm while his mother panicked. This incident taught him that once something happens, the key lies in how one responds to new circumstances rather than dwelling on what occurred.

He then returns to the immediate aftermath of the snowcat accident, emphasizing how his childhood lessons became essential survival tools. Unable to breathe naturally due to his crushed ribcage, broken ribs, punctured lung, and dislocated shoulder, Renner had to manually control every breath as Alex squatted down to support his arm and hold it away from his body. Renner describes each breath as requiring the effort of a complete push-up. He explains his systematic survival approach, beginning with establishing a breathing rhythm and conducting a mental inventory of his injuries. Despite having a gashed head, displaced left eye, and numerous broken bones, he maintained cautious optimism rather than panic. His actor’s training in body awareness proved crucial, as his profession required intimate knowledge of physical presence and control.

Alex’s quick thinking proved critical in securing help. After assessing the severity of Renner’s injuries, Alex ran to find assistance, eventually reaching neighbor Rich Kovach’s garage. Rich’s partner, Barb Fletcher, who had medical training from working in surgical centers, immediately gathered towels and supplies to control Renner’s bleeding and keep him conscious. Her motivation was intensified by having witnessed her uncle’s death the previous day, making her determined not to experience another loss.

Rich coordinated with emergency dispatch while navigating the challenges of their remote mountain location. The 911 call reveals the complexity of emergency response in the isolated area, with services 15 miles away in opposite directions. Rich and Barb advocated for helicopter transport, suggesting the Tanenbaum Event Center as a landing site.

During the 45-minute wait for emergency services, Renner maintained manual breathing while experiencing waves of pain and varying consciousness levels. His mental state oscillated between practical problem-solving and dark contemplation about survival or permanent disability. His thoughts ranged from fears about living as a “brain inside a ruined body” to the optimistic hope that he could merely “release this cramp, and get some ice on my eye” and walk back to the house (56). Renner focused on one breath at a time as Alex continued to hold his arm in position, Barb pressed a towel to the gash in his head, and Rich stayed on the line with emergency services.