Nine Goblins

In a fantasy world where goblins, elves, humans, and trolls coexist, a long-simmering conflict has erupted into open war. Goblins, an adaptable species once spread across every terrain, were gradually pushed to the edge of the continent by human expansion. When there was nowhere left to retreat, the goblin tribes united at their mountain stronghold of Goblinhome and sent emissaries to negotiate. The human mayor dismissed them with patronizing offers of beer, failing to recognize the goblins' formal regalia. War followed three days later.

The Nineteenth Infantry, known as the Whinin' Niners, is a ragtag goblin unit subsisting on barely edible gruel in a stony wasteland. Sergeant Nessilka, a tough, reluctant leader whose predecessor was killed by an elephant dropped from a supply roc, a giant bird used for military transport, commands the squad. Her key soldiers include Corporal Murray, a genius who washed out of the Mechanics Corps for building devices that were too efficient; Corporal Algol, a good-natured hill goblin; Thumper, a silent fighter who carries two spiked maces; Blanchett, who suffered a head injury and now communicates only through a ragged, one-eyed teddy bear; twin recruits Mishkin and Mushkin; Gloober; and Weasel, a tiny goblin with a stutter. Orders arrive to break camp for a dawn battle.

Meanwhile, an elf named Sings-to-Trees lives alone on a farm at the edge of a forest, tending to injured and orphaned animals with broad, impartial devotion. He delivers a breech unicorn foal, feeds a gargoyle on his roof and an orphaned raccoon, and receives food from a nearby human village in exchange for treating their livestock. He is scruffy and practical, nothing like the refined elven stereotype. Trolls in the area regularly bring him wounded animals, and he has grown fond of the enormous creatures despite their predatory nature. When a pair of cervidians, skeletal deer held together by dark organic webbing at the joints and attracted to areas of magical disturbance, appear at his barn, he splints the doe's broken leg. That night, an uneasy feeling pervades the farm, though nothing visible is wrong.

On the battlefield, the Whinin' Niners face elves and humans on a hillside. Nessilka spots a human wizard shooting bolts of blue energy from his mouth that drop goblins instantly. All wizards have Arcane Manifestation Disorder (AMD), a condition that grants unique and unpredictable magical abilities. Nessilka charges the wizard, and the Nineteenth follows. The terrified wizard tears the air open, creating a portal. Nessilka crashes into him, and about two-thirds of the unit piles through. Everything goes black.

Nessilka wakes in a forest clearing. Murray uses a brass sighting device to determine they are on the human side of Goblinhome, at least 50 miles behind enemy lines. Nine goblins came through the portal, along with the unconscious wizard. The group debates killing him but cannot bring themselves to murder a helpless man. Nessilka covers him with her own cloak and has Algol give him water before leading the group away.

The march through the woods is chaotic. Weasel proves invaluable by fashioning a sling and hunting game. Nessilka hears mysterious sounds at night but says nothing. Murray deduces the ancient, unlogged forest must be under elven protection. When they investigate a nearby farmhouse for supplies, they find it eerily deserted: no people, no livestock, and a meal left mid-bite on the table. The nearby town shows no chimney smoke either. Algol returns from a drainage ditch carrying a muddy kitten he names Wiggles, which Nessilka reluctantly allows him to keep.

Weasel rushes in to report that Thumper fell chasing a deer and was carried to safety by an elf. Nessilka leads the group to Sings-to-Trees's farm, where the elf has bandaged Thumper's wound. Sings-to-Trees speaks Glibber, the goblin language, learned from goblin tribes who once lived nearby. He assures them Thumper will recover and has no intention of turning them in.

The goblins settle in at the farm. Sings-to-Trees feeds them zucchini and bread, which they praise in typical goblin fashion by loudly complaining; in goblin culture, cheerful griping is a sign of affection, while genuine unhappiness produces silence. He treats Blanchett's twisted ankle and shares tea with Nessilka. When she tells him about the deserted farmhouse, he notes that no one from the village has brought food in nearly a week. They agree to investigate together. He apologizes that the goblins were driven to war, the first such apology Nessilka has ever received.

Before dawn, Nessilka, Murray, Blanchett, and Sings-to-Trees set out for the village. In the forest, Nessilka begins hearing a maddening, almost-audible conversation that compels her to move closer. All three susceptible members break into a run before the cervidian stag leaps into their path and blocks them. When the voice stops, they are horrified to realize they ran mindlessly for over a mile. Blanchett heard the sound but felt no compulsion. They deduce this magic lured the villagers and their animals away, explaining the deserted farms and the trail of dead. Murray fashions crude earplugs from moss and candle wax.

Sings-to-Trees waits at the tree line while the three goblins advance toward the town. They pass a grim procession of the dead: humans and domestic animals crushed and trampled, with bodies piled against a church in the village square. Murray notes that only domestic animals and humans are affected; wild creatures are fine. They observe a small figure in a blue coat carry groceries through the corpses and slip into the church.

Nessilka and Murray enter the church while Blanchett guards outside. Inside, a young girl is calmly frying pancakes over a fire made from broken pews. The girl claims a wizard killed everyone, but her performance is too rehearsed. When Murray accidentally mentions a surviving old man on the edge of town, the girl drops her act, declaring the goblins "won't work" since she had expected elves to come rescue her. She opens her mouth and unleashes the voice at agonizing close range. Blanchett storms in and clubs her unconscious. Moments later, elven rangers arrive and bind the three goblins.

Captain Finchbones, an exhausted ranger leader, interrogates Nessilka. She explains their situation, but the girl claims the goblins killed everyone. Nessilka urges Finchbones to find the surviving old man for testimony.

Meanwhile, the cervidian stag carries Sings-to-Trees through the forest to the campfire of the wizard John, who still wears Nessilka's goblin cloak. John is socially awkward, speaking in uncertain fragments. He explains his magic creates portals, and that too many goblins falling through drained his energy, landing them in the forest instead of his home village. When Sings describes the magical voice, John recognizes it as the power of his sister, Lisabet.

That night, Lisabet activates her voice in the ranger camp. The elven guard and bound goblins crawl helplessly toward the sound. Only Blanchett, immune to the compulsion, slips away. Trolls arrive carrying Sings-to-Trees and John. Immune to the magic, the trolls are untroubled. Lisabet stops when she sees John and embraces him, revealing her plan: She drove everyone from the village so the authorities would have to bring her brother back to care for her. John tells her she was wrong and that he left willingly. Furious, Lisabet unleashes the voice at full, lethal intensity. The elves collapse, and Finchbones struggles to raise his crossbow.

Blanchett strides through the chaos and hurls the filthy teddy bear into Lisabet's face, breaking her concentration. A troll clamps a hooved hand over her mouth at Sings-to-Trees's direction. John apologizes and explains he must take his sister somewhere remote. He spits blue light to disable Finchbones's crossbow, tears open a portal to a distant alpine meadow, carries Lisabet through, and the hole closes behind them.

Three days later, Nessilka peels potatoes beside Finchbones in Sings-to-Trees's kitchen. The goblins will depart the next day for Goblinhome with a ranger escort. Thumper and Blanchett have recovered. The teddy bear receives both stripes and an elven medal. Nessilka and Murray receive medals as well. Finchbones reflects that small things might change the course of the war, and Sings-to-Trees believes the story itself will matter. The Whinin' Niners pile into the kitchen in their usual chaotic fashion, bickering over zucchini and begging to keep Wiggles. Nessilka reflects that maybe change comes down to small things: teddy bears, kittens, and goblins.