65 pages • 2-hour read
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Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of substance use and death.
The text explores how both good and bad experiences shape identities and choices far beyond the moment in which a given experience takes place. Sami describes how his brief but traumatic experience with Anna became a pivotal moment in his life that altered the plans he made for his future:
I don’t know about PTSD or something like that, but I kept dreaming I was waking up to a faceless dead girl. I couldn’t move on. […] It was then I started to drink. Just a little. Just to help me close my eyes. I had no ambition left so I deferred medical school for a year. Then two years. Then a little drinking became a lot of drinking. I didn’t go to med school (102).
Sami’s belief that he killed Anna completely changes the way he thinks about himself and robs him of purpose, catapulting him through life without a plan or hope for his future. Sami’s impulsive behavior in his last NYPD case also influences his present-day behavior. The story opens on Sami living in professional disgrace as a result of impulsive decisions on the job, and he frequently laments how his momentary thoughtlessness led to his family’s current financial strain. The ripple effect caused by these small past mistakes haunts Sami in the text, and they motivate him to think more carefully about his decisions now that he knows the weight the smallest actions can hold.
Sami has tried to move on from his past, but he learns that in order to heal, he must confront the past in all its ugliness. Sami’s father proposes that he escape the reminders of Anna, the NYPD, and Tad Grayson by relocating to Florida, but Sami knows that without answers to his questions, he will never forget these painful memories: “Nothing heals trauma better than resolution and closure” (178). Sami expresses his belief in needing to resolve the past when he speaks to Talia during his investigation. The family has finally found a semblance of normalcy, and Talia is hesitant to reopen the investigation into Victoria’s kidnapping, but Sami knows that as long as there are still questions about that night, the family will never truly heal: “I’ve seen a lot of people try to bury the past. It works for a little while. But whatever is buried, it eventually claws its way out of the ground” (175). Sami senses that the family is still wracked with guilt about Victoria’s disappearance, and the only way he knows they can deal with these persistent negative feelings is by acknowledging them.
Other characters believe that they can find peace by ignoring the past, but the text shows that their efforts to forget the past only make their traumatic memories more powerful. For example, Archie and Thomas put in considerable effort to act like their family’s tragedy is behind them. They concoct an elaborate kidnapping story to cover up the tragedy of Victoria’s death, and when that plan backfires by giving Talia false hope of Victoria’s return, they develop the Anna/Victoria replacement scheme, trapping the family in a lifetime of deceit. Although Archie claims that hiring Anna helped the family return to a normal, happy life as if their tragedy had never happened, both men are still visibly agitated when Sami mentions any events from New Year’s Eve. Archie and Thomas’s elaborate attempts to ignore their past only force them to think about it more, and despite their claims of moving on, their guilt remains palpable even after two decades.
Throughout the text, the characters must distinguish fact from fiction, often discovering that their beliefs have been built on lies. In two instances, characters construct false conditions to deceive those around them. First, Buzz and Anna fake Anna’s death to convince Sami that he killed her, hoping that he will flee scene rather than “go to the police or press charges or any of that” (154). Buzz’s work as a filmmaker symbolizes the novel’s thematic interest in deception. The special-effect makeup and blood that he uses on Anna is so convincing that Sami truly believes he is a murderer, prompting a complete collapse of his life from guilt. When Anna reappears 22 years later out of her own guilt for derailing Sami’s life, Sami realizes in a split second that the truth he came to believe was a lie all along: “It’s funny how fast your perception changes. I’m already accepting that what I’ve believed for the past quarter century was wrong” (21). Sami resents how Anna and Buzz’s trick to steal some of his money so deeply impacted his life, since his worldview altered so drastically for something that wasn’t real.
Anna again disguises herself, this time as Victoria, to convince the Belmond family on Archie and Thomas’s behalf that Victoria has returned from captivity. Seeking to spare their family from grief, Archie and Thomas physically alter Anna’s appearance and invent her amnesia to create a new version of reality. Their plot successfully tricks the unknowing family members for decades, allowing them a false reprieve that prevents them from effectively addressing the pain of Victoria’s death. Creating the mysterious Librarian kidnapper, coupled with the Belmonds’ ability to pay off the media to leave them alone, allows their fake story to take root and become the accepted truth for over 20 years. Archie and Thomas have no intention of exposing their deception, choosing the comfort of their false reality over the pain of the truth.
The text shows that intuitive belief is often more powerful than any false scenarios the characters build. For example, Sami can’t precisely remember Anna’s features, but he recognizes her in an instant because of the powerful feelings that were present at their parting: “You might not remember a girl you dated or who rolled you. But you definitely remember the girl who convinced you she’d been murdered, perhaps by you in some violent, drug-n-drink haze” (176). Archie and Thomas understand the power of emotional memory over manufactured physical details when they weaponize Talia’s emotional connection to Victoria to convince her of Victoria’s return. Despite Anna’s physical similarity to Victoria, Talia is initially unconvinced that she is her daughter. Only when Archie instructs Anna to mention Victoria’s childhood book does Talia accept the reality she is presented with. Talia’s belief that Anna is Victoria is based on an emotional memory, one that her husband manipulated for his own peace of mind.
In the text, legal justice is often unable to offer the true restitution victims demand. Where the justice system fails, characters seek other ways to right the wrongs they have suffered. Sami begins his investigation into Anna purely out of a personal desire for answers. Since his belief that he had killed her derailed his life, he is now willing to do whatever it takes to learn the truth about why Anna is alive, even if it requires breaking the law. For example, his overwhelming need to understand for himself compels him to trespass onto the Belmond property because he “can’t risk” losing sight of Anna and the answers she holds. Sami recruits his own students to run surveillance on Anna’s house, which he acknowledges is an “ethically questionable” (94) use of his position to succeed in his own personal mission. Sami knows that after all this time it’s unnecessary for Anna to face judicial consequences for faking her death, but as long as he learns the truth, he will feel a personal sense of justice for the wrongdoing he endured.
The subplot surrounding Tad Grayson emphasizes the precarity of a legal justice system in which punishments necessarily depend on rigorous evidentiary standards and courtroom protocols. Sami is emotionally invested in the outcome of Nicole’s murder case and sees Tad Grayson’s original sentence as both legal and personal justice for Nicole’s death. Tad’s release now threatens to reverse that justice. There is little evidence left from the original case that could convict Tad again, and since Sami’s own reputation as a detective is tarnished, any official evidence he contributes won’t be taken seriously. Personally, Sami knows that Tad is guilty, but this personal certainty is not sufficient to convict him in court. Knowing that Tad likely won’t go back to prison, Sami takes solace in the deterioration of Tad’s physical body: “He rises slowly and walks creakily towards me. Like an old old man. I like that. I like that he’s weak and beaten” (73). Sami sees Tad’s physical pain from the conditions of prison as partial compensation for the cruelty Tad inflicted on Nicole. Sami refuses to help Tad prove his innocence, and instead, he recruits his class again to prove Tad’s guilt. Tad ultimately faces legal justice for his shooting of Anna and Brian, but Sami sees the arrest as justice for all of Tad’s crimes.
Before Sami learns of Thomas’s responsibility for Victoria Belmond’s death and the subsequent cover-up, he investigates Victoria’s decades-old kidnapping. Sami signs on to the investigation knowing that he won’t be able to convict the perpetrator and that Archie Belmond may dole out vigilante justice for his daughter: “The odds of me finding the people responsible are very low—but the odds I would find enough to arrest and convict after all these years are infinitesimal. Belmond wants to handle it himself” (172-73). Any crime committed at that time is likely beyond the reach of the legal system, so Archie wants to take matters into his own hands to ensure that his family’s wrong gets righted. However, Sami learns that Archie and Thomas themselves evaded legal justice all these years for Victoria’s death and cover-up. Hiring Anna to pretend to be Victoria isn’t technically illegal, but Sami cannot ignore the very real crime of Victoria’s wrongful death. Sami respects the restrictions of his NDA and doesn’t want to be sued, so to achieve a semblance of justice for Victoria, he works around the NDA’s wording and leaks the Belmonds’ confessions to his student podcasters. By drawing public speculation back on the Belmonds, Sami ensures that Victoria won’t be forgotten and that her killer will be held to public account.



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