“I’d never had the chance to be wild and untamed [like my mother], though. Always felt more like the flame in those electric fireplaces—a fake contained by glass, without much potential to do anything. Life had shackled me the moment she’d gotten sick, and somehow, I just couldn’t break from those chains.”

This passage conveys how Lilia’s concerns about her life stretch beyond the practical impact of her mother’s death; she also worries about her identity, as she is now 20 and feels like she is no closer to achieving her goals or defining who she is. She feels haunted by the memory of her mother, who was so full of life, and worries that she pales in comparison. This aligns with the advice often given by her friend and coworker Jayda, who tells her to “be audacious” in an effort to help Lilia embrace her individuality and prioritize her needs over the fear, grief, and guilt she feels due to her past.

“I couldn’t imagine a world where the only thing I had to worry about was school.”

Lilia dwells on the reputation of Dracadia University, a fictional school likened to prominent Ivy League universities—if not more prestigious. Lilia is bitter that she was previously rejected by Dracadia, which now wants to offer her a scholarship; beyond that, she can easily intuit the influence of wealth on the school, something utterly at odds with her own socioeconomic circumstances. This quote not only emphasizes Lilia’s socioeconomic anxiety but also draws a stark contrast between her lived reality and the lives of her wealthier peers. Her inability to separate school from survival responsibilities underscores the barriers she faces at Dracadia, an institution that implicitly favors the elite.

“[M]ore than an hour later, I could still feel the invisible mark of her hand on my skin. I ground my teeth at the ghostly imprint of her cold fingertips across my shoulder […] Not even the most excessive scrubbing could rid me of her unwanted touch.”

Devryck has a rare neurological disease that, among other things, leaves him unable to fully register physical sensation in his limbs. Touches feel numb or distant, which has made Devryck develop an aversion to being touched at all following the triggering of the disease as a child. The emotion that he conveys here, however, is much deeper than discomfort; it betrays a psychological aversion to closeness, which extends to his broader perspective on relationships. He doesn’t want to be vulnerable with or close to other people, literally or figuratively.

“What separates monsters from good men is only a matter of perspective. In your eyes, I’m a sick fuck for what I’ve done to you. But I, on the other hand, see you as a parasite.”

Devryck makes a pun based on his research by comparing Barletta—who participated in kidnapping Devryck’s brother for money and beat his own wife and child—to a parasite, as Devryck has infected Barletta with the Noctisoma. This makes a light comment on the nature of parasites, as power-hungry, insecure, or needlessly violent individuals are portrayed in the novel as parasitic, stealing the life from others or society more broadly. This also plays on Devryck’s gray morality. He is a protagonist and ultimately has good intentions, but he is willing to take amoral or illegal routes to accomplish his goals. Barletta should suffer consequences for his crimes, but Devryck is willing to accept Barletta’s actions as justification for committing a crime of his own.

“In their minds, [Commodore Adderly’s] some kind of savior for having killed off a bunch of deranged patients and savages […] What we would call mental illness nowadays, but back then, they were possessed by demons.”

Lilia’s resident assistant, Mel, mentions how the Commodore introduced in the novel’s Prologue is widely memorialized in present-day Dracadia for his efforts to colonize the island. This is a nod to how the US exists due to the continent’s colonization, which was and still is, in some places, portrayed positively in historical accounts despite the impact of marginalized people. The early researchers and religious figures who came to the island proceeded to kill or do experiments on Indigenous people, and women who were named witches on the mainland were sent to be imprisoned on the island as well. Instead of sympathy for these clearly mistreated people, the locals idolize a member of the British Royal Navy whose actions led to many deaths. This passage critiques how institutions and communities romanticize colonial violence by erasing or rebranding atrocities as heroism. The quote subtly reflects how Dracadia’s foundations are built on the exploitation of marginalized people and are still complicit in structural harm.

“Perhaps there was a time when he was handsome, worthy of my mother even, but right now, he embodies the very essence of a monster.”

A young Devryck thinks this, in flashback, while looking at his father, Warren. Warren caught Devryck and Caedmon breaking into his office as children to find a framed photo of their mother, who died while birthing Devryck. When startled by Warren, Devryck broke the frame. The rage that he witnessed as a result shows how Warren’s grief and anger had rendered him incapable of love, now a “monster” that the modern-day Devryck fears becoming. He hates what love turned his father into once his mother was lost, and he rejects love as a result.

“[H]e’d struck a very specific part of my brain, consequently dislodging and activated a latent congenital prion disease. […] Voneric’s Disease, as it was more commonly known—a rare condition only seen in an exceptionally small fraction of the population. Incurable and unstoppable in its destruction.”

Devryck’s motives in single-mindedly researching the Noctisoma—cutting himself off from all other connections or pursuits—appears boggling to some, but this is because Devryck refuses to admit to others that the research is his only hope of treating his rare disease. His father triggered the abuse when striking his head, offering a physical manifestation of the impact of past trauma on present actions. Devryck feels comfortable admitting this vulnerability to Barletta, however, because the man is going to die, so Devryck doesn’t need to consider the emotional consequences of divulging his secret.

“Since my mother’s death, my entire reason for studying science and medicine centered on finding out what had ailed her in those weeks before her death.”

Lilia presents a noble but ultimately doomed quest when admitting her primary motivation as a character here. She cared deeply for her mother and feels unfairly guilty that she couldn’t stop her mother’s passing, and she wants to find closure by discovering what caused the death. However, she hasn’t yet acknowledged that making this discovery will not erase her grief or help her forgive herself for what happened. These developments need to happen on their own.

“No one touched what belonged to me without repercussions.

My class.

My requirements.

My student.

Without a doubt, Lilia Vespertine was going to be a massive headache. But she was my headache.”

A jealous Gilchrist attempts to have Lilia removed from Devryck’s course, as Lilia never completed the pre-requisite—and Gilchrist intuits a favoritism for Lilia from Devryck. This kickstarts the relationship between the two, as Devryck displays his possessiveness of Lilia here. By acting in her favor, however, he also makes himself vulnerable to speculation about why he’s willing to stick his neck out for her, introducing a discussion about Forbidden Romance and Its Consequences.

“I’d hated that she’d seen my like that, on the floor. Helpless, as the pain wracked every muscle in my body […] something had shifted inside of me, rousing an inexplicable ache in my chest. Yet, all that had come to mind in that moment were the words of my father whenever I’d had an episode as a boy.

‘You were always the weaker one.’

‘Pathetic.’”

When Devryck thinks about his angry reaction to Lilia following his seizure, he feels an “ache”—a sentiment at knowing that she cared enough to watch over him while he was incapacitated. However, the impact of his father’s abuse wins in this scenario, with Warren’s words polluting his ability to accept Lilia’s affection. This moment reveals the emotional gap that Devryck must bridge. Lilia’s presence during his seizure is a catalyst for healing, but his internalized shame, born of abuse, overwhelms him. His rejection of care mirrors Lilia’s own avoidance of help, reinforcing their mirrored struggles with vulnerability.

“Acids burned my throat as I wiped away the last bits of vomit, and I undressed for a quick shower, eyes burning with new tears. Why I cried about it didn’t make a whole lot of sense, seeing as I’d done it to myself. I just hated feeling helpless, was all.”

Lilia turns to online sex work when in a financial crisis, under Jayda’s guidance, but quickly regrets the video that she risked her place at Dracadia to film during Devryck’s class. She’s very clear that she doesn’t feel ashamed of making pornography; rather, she’s upset that she was forced into the decision, making her feel like the exposure of her body wasn’t her choice. She has often been subjected to forces outside her control—her mother’s death, Conner’s unhelpfulness as a father figure, Angelo’s sexual harassment—and is now sickened by reminders that she doesn’t have agency over her situation.

“My heart was a graveyard. A cold and starving apathy entombed within slumbering bones. Nothing could make me feel sorry for him.”

Devryck feels no conflict about Barletta’s gruesome fate. Not only has Barletta harmed both strangers and someone Devryck loved, but Devryck is also too emotionally detached from people to harbor a general respect or sympathy for human life. His perspective of his heart as a “graveyard” extends beyond his dynamic with Barletta; he perceives his life, generally speaking, to be devoid of connection. This is beginning to be challenged, however, by Lilia.

“That is the tragedy of women, isn’t it? We deny ourselves beauty for the sake of misleading men.”

The seamstress sent by Spencer Lippincott to dress Lilia for the gala is initially portrayed as snobby and off-putting. This doesn’t aid Lilia’s feelings of insecurity as she prepares to attend a major fundraising event surrounded by people who may hold secrets about her past—and people who are simply more accustomed to upper-class events like this. She is able to bond with the seamstress, though, on the uniting fact that they both struggle to navigate the world as women. They both desire to physically express themselves how they please, but they have to limit themselves because of men’s potential reactions, something that is confirmed later in the evening when a donor sexually harasses Lilia.

“I love money, but wealth is exhausting. The look on your face when you first saw yourself in this dress is something I rarely see. I found it…gratifying.”

The seamstress shows her depth as a character by conveying the limitations of wealth: It is harder to appreciate fine things when they’re commonplace instead of a rare gift. Lilia works for everything she has and is extremely uncomfortable with being given things, whether from a place of kindness or charity. The expensive dress that Spencer has made for her is difficult for her to accept, but the seamstress makes her feel more at ease by admitting that—in some ways—Lilia is more deserving and appreciative of the dress than many people she knows could be. This scene underlines how wealth can rob people of authentic emotional response. Lilia’s awe and discomfort reveal a powerful thematic undercurrent in the novel: the irony that those who have less often value more.

“As I stared down at the horrific scene, I couldn’t help but think of how far I’d come from the boy who’d cowered in the supply closet, hearing voices of the dead. The frightened teenager who couldn’t stand to be in the same room as a corpse. It was my brother’s demise that had pulled me from those fears and into the macabre fascination I’d developed with death.”

Before the gala, Devryck finds Barletta dead by suicide, mysteriously having been able to pry loose a stone from the wall and gauge his own eyes out. Despite his confusion, Devryck must act fast to move the corpse into a holding tank wherein the Noctisoma parasites can escape out into the water. It’s a scene of vivid body horror, yet Devryck reacts with detachment, if not scientific curiosity. Devryck is proud that he is no longer as frightened and sensitive as he was as a child, feeling that this keeps him from being at other people’s mercy; however, it is another testament to his emotional distance and repression.

“I didn’t even know who was talking at that point. Maybe I had been infected and the parasite was steering the ship, because no way in hell was Lilia Vespertine that bold.”

Jayda’s tells Lilia early in the novel to “be audacious,” and this parallels Lilia’s early concerns that she’ll never have the “fire,” or passion, that her mother did. As the novel goes on, however, Lilia begins to grow confident in herself and start making demands of others to meet her needs. Here, she blackmails Devryck into making her his lab assistant, as she is finally willing to be assertive and seize power when needed to achieve her goals. This begins an arc of character development that will later be helped along by Devryck’s support of her.

“Having to admit that, to actually say the V-word [victim], burned like acid on my tongue.”

Lilia considers how she was drugged at the gala, leaving her at the mercy of whoever found her—luckily, in this case, Devryck. When reporting the incident, however, she struggles to admit the vulnerability of her position at the time, much like Devryck hates admitting to his own vulnerability regarding his trauma or illness. This recalls her earlier upset at uploading the pornographic video online, as she chafes at the lack of agency she has over her life, particularly when so many people are dedicated to keeping her from the truth.

“I unlatched my tethered arm and pressed my thumb into the bruise, desperate for the pain to keep that nightmare from earlier away.

And it did.”

During another seizure, Devryck accidentally grabs Lilia’s arm so hard that it bruises. She likes having the reminder of Devryck, who protected her from harm on the night of the gala, as it makes her feel safer and more secure. She’s been plagued by nightmares, and having a remnant of him around alleviates this, showing how prevalent he is becoming in her life. This moment reflects how trauma can blur the boundaries between harm and intimacy. Lilia’s embrace of the bruise signifies her grasp for control—choosing to interpret a painful event on her own terms and find a sense of connection in it.

“‘I feel compelled to do something meaningful with my life. I owe it to my family.’

‘You owe nothing to your family,’ he said abrasively, as if I’d insulted him. ‘Passions are useless, if we pursue them for others.’”

This exchange shows the difference in how Lilia and Devryck respond to their parallel traumas. Lilia lost her mother and suffered at the hands of a father figure, but not like Devryck. She still came from a loving home, and Conner does care for her—but he suffers from an aspect of misogyny that keeps him from believing her claims about Angelo harassing her. Meanwhile, Devryck never knew his mother’s love and was outright hated by his father as a teen. Lilia pursued Noctisoma research from a place of affection for her lost parent, whereas Devryck researches the parasite directly because of the impacts of his father’s abuse. Through their differences, Devryck can teach Lilia to prioritize her own needs, and Lilia can teach Devryck that it’s okay to develop relationships with others and try to work in their best interest.

“‘It wasn’t your fault.’

Those words hooked themselves in my belly and pulled a blackness from my guts that twisted and writhed. My head begged to ignore it. To cast him off as a liar. I turned away, forcing a smile. ‘You’re throwing my words back at me.’

‘They’re fairly wise words.’”

Earlier, in response to Devryck’s story about how he nearly died by suicide after losing Caedmon, Lilia made clear that what happened to Devryck’s brother wasn’t his fault. When Lilia then explains how terrible she feels for holding her mother’s head under water when her mother tried to kill Bee, Devryck returns the sentiment, assuring her that she did what she had to do. The weight and intensity of Lilia’s guilt is made plain here, but so is the ability for the two of them to help each other heal.

“With a mirthless chuckle, he shook his head. ‘Here, I thought it was the moth who would succumb to the fire.’”

Devryck nicknames Lilia “Moth,” often “Curious Moth,” due to her need to discover the truth and her affection for the moths they study. He considers her a fragile insect drawn to a flame that could destroy her—or him, in his mind, as he considers himself a bad person to be involved with. He is keenly aware of the complex nature of their forbidden romance and its consequences, yet he finds himself falling for her instead, unable to resist her and thus reversing the metaphor.

“I forgot the world outside the gates of Dracadia.

If Heaven existed, I’d found it in those ancient dark hallways, under cold misty skies with autumn’s wet leaves sticking to the soles of my boots, in the scent of coffee and old book. And him. My moody and devilishly handsome professor.”

For the first time, Lilia feels safe, secure, and enabled to enjoy herself fully. Bee’s tuition is paid, she knows the truth about who her mother is, and she and Devryck have given into their feelings for one another. She can study the topic she came to Dracadia to research, and she isn’t currently in danger. The peace and comfort that many of her fellow students would take for granted is such a newfound gift to her that it feels like heaven; like the seamstress said, she can enjoy these luxuries in a way that the more privileged would be unable to.

“I loved him. Every cell, every fiber of my being couldn’t hide that truth. Even if I wasn’t bold enough to say it or brave enough to risk the universe stealing it away from me, the words were as real as my fears.

The words I kept secret like all my other trinkets—safely tucked away.”

Lilia comes to an important realization as her relationship with Devryck reaches new levels of seriousness and as she begins to understand how dedicated Devryck is to her. She is aware enough to admit to herself that she loves him, but she is still too impacted by her past to allow herself to be vulnerable and say it aloud. She fears the “universe stealing” her happiness away because she’s still not used to being happy. Overcoming this fear and being confident and mature enough to express her feelings—regardless of the consequences—is the final hurdle she must overcome in her character arc.