Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Nonviolent communication is based on the principle of Ahimsa, a Buddhist, Hindu, and Jainist principle that refers to “the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart” (“Introduction to NVC.” The Center for Nonviolent Communication, 2024). It proposes that through creating authentic, empathetic connections, everyone’s needs can be met.

Rosenberg suggests that much of our communication in the world, both in terms of interpersonal conflict as well as larger-scale, global conflict, is based on violent principles that seek to ascertain wrongness in one party and administer punishment to them. Communication that is based on this assumption is unlikely to yield mutually satisfactory solutions; in fact, it often results in emotional escalation, tension, and further conflict. Rosenberg’s novel approach proposes that everyone has needs that deserve to be met, and that we should fully hear and empathize with the unmet needs and associated feelings of others in order to eliminate conflict and foster happiness and contentment. Through mediation based on the principles of Nonviolent Communication, Rosenberg has helped people to “transform enemy images that imply wrongness,” as “when people can see the needs of the other person they don’t see an enemy” (Bertrand, Michael. “Interview with Marshall Rosenberg.” The Natural Child Project, 2004).

For example, Rosenberg once mediated between rival ethnic groups in Nigeria. The chief of a Christian tribe furiously yelled at the chief of a Muslim tribe: “[Y]ou people are murderers!” The Muslim tribe leader was in too much pain initially to hear the needs of the Christian tribe and furiously yelled back, “why did you kill my son?” Rosenberg worked with the groups to help them to see and acknowledge the needs of the other group. One of the chiefs, after working to see the other’s needs for over an hour, reflected: “If we know how to communicate this way we don’t have to kill each other” (“Interview with Marshall Rosenberg”). This illustrates Rosenberg’s beliefs that violence is simply borne out of anger over unmet needs and that the need for these reactions can be eliminated through honest and needs-based communication.

Rosenberg represents the opportunity to fulfill the needs of others as a privilege that is “life enriching” for both the giver and the receiver: “[W]e human beings enjoy nothing more than contributing to one another’s well-being.” He emphasizes that clear communication is the only way to be able to ascertain the needs of others in order to provide life enriching help: “Once we get clear what’s alive we look at what we can do to enrich that life” (“Interview with Marshall Rosenberg”).

Our social structures and normalized language-based exchanges lead us away from the principles of Nonviolent Communication; we are “educated in tools of domination” instead of the tools of loving empathy. This leaves us trying to use punishment, reward, or guilt to try to get our needs met, which damages our relationships and makes the task of enriching another’s life joyless, as it is not intrinsically motivated. Rosenberg conceives of his model of communication as a way to reconnect to our essential nature, which is compassionate and which yearns to know others sincerely (“Interview with Marshall Rosenberg”)