Openly Straight

Rafe Goldberg is a sixteen-year-old from Boulder, Colorado, who came out as gay in eighth grade to his progressive parents, Gavin and Opal. His mother, the president of the local PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter, threw him a coming-out party and became a prominent gay-rights advocate. Despite this acceptance, Rafe has grown exhausted by the way his identity has collapsed into a single word: gay. A school reporter leads with the fact that he is "the gay guy" after a soccer goal, and classmates consult him for the official gay perspective on everything. Determined to start over, he transfers to the Natick School, an elite all-boys boarding school in Massachusetts. His plan is to live "label-free," neither volunteering that he is gay nor correcting anyone who assumes otherwise.

His father drives him to campus, filming on his iPhone as always. Rafe's roommate, Albie Harris, is a stocky, sardonic kid obsessed with police scanners and the television show Survival Planet. Within hours, a charismatic upperclassman named Steve Nickelson invites Rafe to play touch football, where Rafe impresses the group and scores the winning touchdown, earning a seat at dinner with Steve, Zack, and the popular athletes. He also bonds with Ben Carver, a large, quiet, intelligent teammate, after an awkward encounter at the urinals becomes a running joke.

Rafe navigates two social worlds: the jock circle led by Steve, and the oddball duo of Albie and his best friend Toby, a skinny, spiky-haired kid. In Mr. Scarborough's writing seminar, Rafe writes about hurting his best friend, Claire Olivia Casey, by leaving Boulder. A classmate assumes Claire Olivia is Rafe's girlfriend, and Rafe does not correct the assumption. On the soccer field, he and Ben bond over shared amusement at the garbled historical references of Coach Donnelly, the team's coach and dorm adviser.

When Toby tells Rafe he is gay and hints that he hoped Rafe might be too, Rafe lies outright. He feels the sting of hypocrisy, having heard similar reassurances from straight people his whole life. Mr. Scarborough, who is also the GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) adviser, pulls Rafe aside and reveals that Rafe's mother called the school before classes began to disclose that Rafe is gay. Furious but relieved, Rafe tells Scarborough the full truth. Scarborough assigns him to use his semester journal to write about the experience. Over the following weeks, Rafe's journal entries recount his backstory, including his almost-boyfriend Clay, a closeted classmate who refused to be seen with him in public. Scarborough's comments push Rafe to stop performing and explore what he does not yet know about himself.

At a party hosted by a local public school student, Rafe's team wins a drinking game called Spinner with Steve as his partner, though Rafe personally fails his final attempt. Ben, the designated driver, takes Rafe aside afterward, and the two have their first long conversation. Ben reveals he comes from a repressed New Hampshire farming family and feels mislabeled as a jock when his true passions are books and ideas. They connect deeply, but Rafe holds back his full story.

After Bryce Hixon, Ben's best friend and the only Black junior at Natick, drops a routine catch in the annual Fall Classic softball game, his teammates berate him. That night, Rafe hears on Albie's police scanner that a "disoriented black male" has been found outside the school. He alerts Ben, and they sneak off campus. At the hospital, they learn Bryce has been admitted after a major depressive episode and will likely not return. Ben breaks down, blaming himself for not defending Bryce. Rafe holds him, and from that night on effectively moves into Ben's room.

Their friendship deepens into something neither can name. They discuss philosophy late into the night and share intense, prolonged eye contact. In the showers, Rafe claims Claire Olivia is his girlfriend when asked, deepening the lie. His mother, when told of his plan, calls it a return to the closet but reluctantly agrees to play along. When Rafe invites Ben on a Saturday outing with Albie and Toby to an apple orchard, Ben bridges the gap between Rafe's two social worlds.

During Parents' Weekend, Rafe's parents dine with Ben and afterward tell Rafe they can see he is in love. Rafe explodes, begging them to stop reducing him to his sexuality. His mother says she finally understands after watching him play football with a joy she had never seen. His father remains skeptical, arguing that true friendship requires full honesty. After a season-ending soccer loss, Steve and Zack direct homophobic slurs at Robinson, a teammate they suspect is dating Toby. Rafe tells them to stop, and Ben uses his physical size to intervene. That night, Rafe wrestles with the contradiction of defending gay people while hiding his own identity.

Rafe invites Ben to spend Thanksgiving in Boulder, secretly paying for most of the plane ticket. On the flight, Ben identifies their bond as agape, the Greek concept of selfless, transcendental love. He adds that if he were "ever gonna be aga-gay with anyone, it would be you," playfully blending agape with "gay" (226). They hold hands on the plane. In Boulder, after a party thrown by Rafe's parents, Rafe and Ben kiss. They part for the night shaken. The next day, You-Know-Caleb, the other openly gay kid from Rafe's old high school, calls Rafe Ben's "girlfriend," and Rafe panics. Back in Rafe's room, Ben acknowledges feelings he cannot explain but insists he is not gay, citing his family's intolerance.

At Natick, their relationship oscillates between physical intimacy and painful withdrawal. Ben asks Rafe to sleep in his own room. Days later, he opens his door in the middle of the night and pulls Rafe in. Afterward, he wonders aloud if they might be bisexual, then retreats again. Rafe confides in Albie, who is unsurprised, and comes out to Toby in the woods behind the quad.

Rafe finally goes to Ben's room to come clean. Ben speaks first: He believes Rafe is gay and loves him, but cannot pursue a romantic relationship because of his family. Rafe reveals everything. Ben walks out. In the library, Ben says the problem is not that Rafe is gay but that Rafe lied, inventing "an entire person who was my best friend" (289). He calls Rafe "fundamentally dishonest" (291).

Alone, Rafe writes honestly for the first time and arrives at a breakthrough: He hid his sexuality to get closer to Ben, but concealing a core part of himself created a worse barrier than the one he was trying to tear down. He recognizes that his parents' easy acceptance allowed him to skip processing his own feelings about being gay. He joins the GSA and realizes the "camera" he always felt was on him was largely his own self-consciousness projected outward. He tells Steve he is gay. Steve shrugs but adds that they would have needed a different shower arrangement, confirming the limits of his tolerance.

On the last night before finals, Rafe visits Ben to apologize. Ben is still hurt but acknowledges that Rafe did not intend to deceive him, saying it will take time. During Christmas break, Rafe watches Claire Olivia join a crowd of dancers and feels the urge to follow but stops, not from fear, but because he prefers to stand still. The novel closes with Rafe at peace: "We were dancers and drummers and standers and jugglers, and there was nothing anyone needed to accept or tolerate. We celebrated" (320).