Pack Up the Moon

Lauren writes to her father that she thinks her diagnosis is wrong and she feels fine. In the subsequent flashback, Lauren’s life feels normal for her, as she finds success at work on her new Boston T stop project and plays with her nephew. However, she spends her first night in the hospital after collapsing. As she fights pain, coughs, and unconsciousness, Lauren refuses to believe she will die. Unconscious, she dreams of flying and then of being lost. She also dreams of Hawaii and her father.

The reality of her condition sinks in when Lauren awakes to Josh and her mother in the hospital; she has pneumonia, and her lungs collapsed. Later, Josh tells Lauren he’s been looking into treatment trials, and Lauren begs him to accept her fate. Josh refuses to accept it but agrees after more pleas from Lauren to be more present. Back home, Lauren apologizes for putting Josh through the intubation and stresses that she still wants to love her life, and Josh diffuses the situation with humor: “[G]et busy living, or get busy dying” (207).

Josh is “tired of himself” and has an outburst over email with his friend Keung, who lives in London and lost his Gran-Gran. Josh decides to volunteer at the Hope Center’s community garden to “do something good. Something Lauren-ish” (209). He begins to take better care of himself and babysits for Jen and Darius regularly, but he still feels “empty” (210). 

Darius invites Josh on a 5K run, in which the whole family and Sarah are running. Josh apologizes to Sarah for his outburst when he last saw her, and Sarah forgives him. When Josh begins the race, he feels pain. Then, he runs into the owner of Duffy, the sick dog from the vet’s office. The owner tells Josh that her brother has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which affects the joints. Josh faints during the race and reaches the finish line after his family and Sarah. Ben comforts him with companionable silence, and then Sarah tells Josh a letter is waiting for him at home. 

In Lauren’s letter, she reiterates how much she loves Josh. She asks how he’s doing and then suggests he start to reach out to people like Asmaa or some other volunteering organization.

In Josh’s dream, he and Lauren kiss by the ocean, and then he tells her to return if it’s “like this” (223). Josh grows upset when he wakes, thinking his dreams are becoming torturous. Josh recalls growing up Lutheran and his mother explaining that God loves, understands, and helps people. Josh became atheist at age 12 but began praying again when Lauren got sick. After she died, he reverted to atheism. 

Josh asks Sarah out for dinner and prepares talking topics on index cards. Sarah confirms that all the “shitty things” Josh said to her were true; she explains how she felt like a second choice compared to Lauren. Josh empathizes and tells Sarah how dear she was to Lauren. Sarah confesses she almost friend-dumped Lauren in college because she was “sick of her sparkliness” but didn’t because Lauren’s father died (230). Josh confesses he thought Lauren was a “twit” when he first met her and agrees that her father’s death gave Lauren “gravitas” (231). Sarah shares goofy stories from her and Lauren’s childhoods. After a final affirmation from Sarah that Josh made Lauren really happy, the dinner ends.

In a short letter, Lauren tells Josh to see a medium: “Oh, come on! Why not? It’ll be fun” (234). She says that she believes in him and will love him forever. 

Josh calls Ben, and Sumi excitedly offers to help find a medium. Josh’s mother and the Kims come over to cook and discuss the medium, and Josh asks Ben to accompany him when he goes. On the drive, they stop at Dunkin’ Donuts, and Josh realizes he cannot remember the last Dunkin’ stop he made with Lauren. He laments that he hadn’t known “all the last times so he could have enjoyed them” (240). 

Gertie, the medium, explains that she will light a candle, say a prayer, and then relay signs from his loved one. Upon starting, Gertie states that Josh lost his wife, and Josh’s heart pounds. Gertie says Lauren is showing her a hospital bed and that Josh was with her at the end. Lauren shows Gertie Sebastian and Octavia, whom Gertie surmises has Lauren’s name as her middle name. Gertie says Lauren watches over them and then asks about roses. Josh reports that Rose was Lauren’s middle name and he often gave Lauren roses. Gertie reports that Lauren is proud of Josh for his medical devices and that Josh already knows his second wife. Lauren states over and over how good Josh was to her. After the session, Josh pays Gertie $500 despite Gertie not charging a fee. 

Josh visits Sarah and tells her about the medium, who recalled the purple dresses Lauren and Sarah wore for their eighth-grade talent show. Josh tells Sarah that Lauren is still with her, and Sarah sobs. They decide to see a movie together, and Josh wonders if this is the woman Lauren thinks will become his wife.

Lauren’s letter to her father repeatedly asks for help, ending with “please let this [diagnosis] be wrong” (251). 

In a flashback, Lauren visits the doctor, and they conduct exploratory tests. She is tired but “fine” (252). Dr. Bennett diagnoses Lauren with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, a disease uncommon in someone so young. Dr. Bennett details how without any clear cause, the lungs create a fibrous tissue, which compromises lung function; supplemental oxygen is required for those who suffer from this terminal illness. Lauren shouts when Dr. Bennett conveys that there is no cure, and Josh is silent. At home, Lauren and Josh search the internet for information, learning that lung transplants only yield an additional five years to IPF patients’ lives, and those often have complications. At 2:00 pm, Josh and Lauren go to bed, silent and shaking, and “the truth [sits] in the room with them” (260).

Lauren’s letter to Josh instructs him to do something for his professional career and try something that scares him. 

Josh feels disappointment after reading the letter. A red-out manifests, and then Josh slips and falls. When he awakes in pain, he realizes he has stepped on and broken Lauren’s favorite mug. Charlotte comes to check on Josh, and he dismisses her. He puts Pebbles in the bedroom and then cleans the kitchen and his injured foot. He feels ashamed of his red-out, and he’s been skipping his karate classes to avoid imposing his “gloom” on others. 

Josh flies to a conference in San Francisco, where Chiron Medical Enterprise’s chief executive and operating officers invite him to Singapore. They say he can bring his spouse, if applicable. He says he isn’t married and lies by saying that wearing his wedding ring is “a cultural thing” (267). Josh stays an extra two days in California to explore the city. He goes to the Golden Gate Bridge to combat his acrophobia. On the bridge, he falls to all fours and heaves before a hipster named David helps him to the middle of the bridge. Josh looks at the skyline before fog envelops it and then walks back across the bridge by himself. He knows Lauren would have been proud.