Post Office

Hank enters the counselor’s office, where Eddie “Skinny” Beaver sits behind the desk. Beaver tells Hank that he took 28 minutes to complete a 23-minute tray. Hank protests, explaining that trays vary in difficulty and size, and argues that judging a worker by a single tray is unfair. Beaver insists that the post office uses the timed standard to maintain production and warns Hank that another slow tray will send him to advanced counseling. When Hank sarcastically questions whether he can use saved time from an easier tray for a break, Beaver forbids it. Hank signs a counseling form, Beaver signs the travel form, and Hank returns to his stool to continue working.

Despite the daily frustrations, Hank is still mildly entertained by small incidents at the post office. One man gets caught on the same stairwell Hank got trapped in, with his head under a woman’s skirt. A cafeteria worker complains that she wasn’t paid for sexual favors she performed for a general foreman and three mail handlers. The post office fires the woman and the three mail handlers while demoting the general foreman.

One day, while Hank is sorting junk mail and smoking a cigar, part of a stack of mail catches fire from an ash. Flames rise quickly, and Hank uses a catalogue to beat them down, setting aside burned sections and stamping out the last of it with his foot. The supervisor walks by but doesn’t speak. Hank’s hands burn, so he goes to the nurse’s office. It’s the same nurse who checked up on him when he called out sick. Hank learns that her name is Helen. Helen treats his burns, applying ointment and wrapping them in gauze. She warns him not to burn the mail, and Hank jokes with her, feeling some sexual tension, but she says he can use his hands on the work floor immediately. She fills out a travel form, and Hank leaves. Within a week, the post office puts up no-smoking signs and installs ashtrays labeled as government property, which clerks steal. Hank boasts that he has changed the postal system.

Hank notices that the post office is removing half of the drinking fountains in the building. Distressed, he calls on his union representative, Parker Anderson, to investigate the reason why. Parker is reluctant to help, but Hank reminds him of the $312 he has paid in union dues in the 12 years he has worked for the Postal Service. After several days, Parker informs Hank that when the building was constructed in 1912, they accidentally installed twice as many water fountains as planned. The current decision to remove them is to prevent the Postal Service from being sued by anyone injured by the fountains, which jut out into the walkway. Hank doesn’t know if Parker made up the story, but he’s satisfied.

Hank discovers that the only way to avoid dizzy spells while sorting mail is to get up and walk occasionally. Fazzio, the supervisor on duty, notices him approaching one of the remaining water fountains and comments on how often Hank walks. Hank points out that walking is part of his job, just as it is part of Fazzio’s. He warns that if he stays on the stool much longer, he might jump on top of the tin cases and act erratically. Fazzio dismisses the remark and tells him to forget it.

One night, Hank sneaks down to the cafeteria for a pack of cigarettes and sees a familiar face: Tom Moto, who subbed with him under Jonstone. They greet each other warmly, and Moto tells Hank about a farewell party for Jonstone, who is retiring. The plan involves taking Jonstone out on a rowboat, and Moto jokes about throwing him overboard. Hank declines to join the festivities, saying he doesn’t even want to look at Jonstone. Moto grins, but then Hank notices, to his disappointment, that Moto is wearing a supervisor’s badge. Moto explains that he has four kids and needs to provide for them. Hank accepts this and walks away.

Despite the need to pay for child support and afford rent, food, and alcohol, Hank drives to the Federal Building and asks to resign from the Postal Service, stunning the clerk.

Hank discovers that leaving the post office requires more paperwork than getting hired. He runs through the forms quickly, indicating through his responses that he wasn’t treated unfairly by supervisors, didn’t face any discrimination, and would recommend the job to friends. The clerk is surprised at how fast he finishes. She leads him to a man at the back, who reviews the papers and asks why he’s resigning. Hank explains, facetiously, that he wants to pursue a career in trapping muskrats, nutria, minks, otters, and raccoons in Bayou La Fourche, supplementing his income by raising pigs, chickens, ducks, and catching catfish. The man interrupts politely, and Hank finishes signing the remaining forms.

Parker Anderson, the union representative, asks if he’s finally leaving after years of threatening to. Hank tells him about his plans in Southern Louisiana and the racetrack at the Fair Grounds. He notices a young boy with tears in his eyes, realizing that Parker is there to save the boy’s job. After signing the last paper, Hank walks out, feeling unchanged for the moment but aware that leaving the post office frees him. He thinks of Joyce’s parakeet released from its cage.

Hank descends into a bender of binge drinking and partying. One night, he holds a butcher’s knife to his throat but stops, thinking of one day taking his daughter to the zoo. He wakes up in his front room, spitting on the rug and putting out cigarettes on his wrists. Surrounding him are a pre-med student, a human heart in a jar labeled Francis, half-empty bottles, ashtrays, and garbage. He drinks a mixture of beer and ashes, having gone without food for two weeks. The pre-med student, Wilbert, offers to act as his personal physician and takes his blood pressure, noting that Hank’s backbone is misaligned in 14 areas. Hank argues, complains about the heart, and insists on privacy.

When Hank wakes up later in the afternoon, he doesn’t remember Wilbert leaving. He moves “Francis” into his closet, vomits, defecates, and cleans himself. The doorbell rings, and a young man with long blonde hair and a smiling Black woman arrive, bringing a flower. They had partied with Hank, but he doesn’t remember them. They drink together, and Hank shows them the heart and asks them to take it. Then they go out to a nude floor show. They return him home, and he drinks scotch, smokes, laughs, and falls asleep on his bed. In the morning, he wakes up alive and contemplates writing a novel, which he does.