48 pages • 1-hour read
Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges
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Chapters 2-3Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Chapter 2 Summary: “Believing and Owning Your Story”
Cuddy begins the chapter by asking questions about what “self” and the “authentic self” mean. She summarizes the findings of psychologists and philosophers into three aspects of the self: “1. Multifaceted, not singular. 2. Expressed and reflected through our thoughts, feelings, values, and behaviors. 3. Dynamic and flexible, not static and rigid” (43). There is not a single, ever-present self, but instead the self is an “experience—a state, not a trait” (43).
The feeling of being true to oneself comes and goes. It has multiple facets because how you show up as a parent is a different side of yourself than the side of you that is a friend. We experience some aspects of the self as undesirable, like the medical student Cuddy describes who is ashamed of his stutter. She argues that characteristics like that are also part of our authentic selves because the challenge they present to us contributes to make us who we are.
Laura Morgan Roberts, an expert in helping people discover their authentic selves in the workplace, helps people to create a portrait of themselves at their best by identifying “enablers” and “blockers,” which are the “attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors that help and hurt their ability to summon forth their best selves” (45-46). The questions she asks include: “What three words best describe you as an individual?” and “What are your signature strengths and how can you use them?” (45-46).
Self-affirmation theory, defined by Stanford University social psychologist Claude Steel, refers to the idea that reminding ourselves of our values and strengths before going into a difficult situation can help us overcome obstacles before we even enter the room (46). Cuddy explains: “In essence, self-affirmation is the practice of clarifying your story to yourself, allowing you to trust that who you are will come through naturally in what you say and do” (50-51).
A great place to get a feel for what presence looks like is with artists: musicians at a concert, ballet dancers during a performance, and actors during a scene. She interviews Julianne Moore, an Academy Award-winning actor who says “she leaves ‘ninety-five percent of the performance to be discovered on set […] I want to have a sense of who a character is, and then I want to get there and have it happen to me on camera’” (60).
Cuddy explains how preparation plays a role in presence. It is important to be prepared enough to be able to perform the task, but over-preparation can work against you—“preparation is obviously important, but at some point, you must stop preparing content and start preparing mind-set. You have to shift from what you’ll say to how you’ll say it” (61).
Chapter 3 Summary: “Stop Preaching, Start Listening: How Presence Begets Presence”
First impressions usually involve making a judgment about people across two dimensions: warmth and competence (71). Generally, people possess more of one trait and less of the other trait, but are not equal in both, leading to an assignation of types: lovable fools or competent jerks. In general, people value warmth over competence because it has evolutionarily been more important to be able to trust others. We tend to notice warmth first. Ways to establish warmth include showing up, being authentic, listening, and staying present.
This is all visible in a case study of Reverend Jeffrey Brown, whose Boston neighborhood was devastated by youth deaths caused by widespread gang violence. Brown and his colleagues wanted to do something to help their community and stop the violence but were not sure how to help. Rather than preaching sermons safely in their pulpits, these ministers decided to walk into the neighborhood and get to know the young people in the community. They established warmth by showing up consistently on Fridays to walk through the neighborhood and speak with people. They did not bring cameras and they did not preach. Instead, they listened to the experiences and struggles of the people. By showing this warmth, they were able to earn the trust of the community and to drastically reduce violence with their Boston TenPoint Coalition. The success was so dramatic that people refer to it as the “Boston Miracle” (84).
Cuddy also discusses the experience of William Ury, cofounder of the Harvard Program on Negotiation and coauthor of the book Getting to Yes (1981). Ury was invited to speak with civil rights activist Cesar Chávez at a crucial point in a conflict. Ury originally decided to go into what could possibly be a very brief meeting with his ideas about how to resolve issues, but instead Ury focused on listening to Chávez and his concerns. Because Ury listened attentively to his needs, Chávez was able to pinpoint a way of moving forward by building mutual trust. Cuddy uses this example to demonstrate the power of listening instead of going into difficult conversations or situations focused on what you want to say or accomplish. Being present with the other person allows important dialogue to occur.
Chapters 2-3 Analysis
Achieving personal empowerment, according to Cuddy, begins with understanding who we are and what our values are. An authentic self that can be accessed even in times of stress provides a valuable tool for feeling more powerful. Cuddy notes that the authentic self is not permanently available to us, suggesting that it will be necessary to call it up in times of need. This foreshadows the introduction of power poses later in the book, which aim to create feelings of power in the mind by first creating it in physical poses. Presence is created when the body and the mind are focused on the authentic self, rather than being distracted by anxiety or racing thoughts.
Cuddy illustrates what it means to be connected to the authentic self and to your core values when interviewing actor Julianne Moore. Cuddy was able to experience presence with Moore even while discussing presence because Moore possesses it in such abundance. Relaxation and preparation are important keys for accessing the authentic self.
Cuddy frames Chapter 3 by the sharing of the story of Reverend Jeffrey Brown. The local clergyman reached residents by meeting people in the streets. Cuddy uses this to explain how presence is about “showing up. Literally, physically, showing up” (70). At first, it is unclear how Cuddy will connect her story about Brown to her discussion of “How Presence Begets Presence,” as previewed in the chapter title. Cuddy uses each part of Brown’s story to illustrate various points. In this way, she gives her message and ideas a human face, potentially making them more accessible than if she only cited scientific research.
Cuddy returns to Brown’s story to illustrate her second major point, which is that “[l]istening is crucial to presence” (79). By using Brown’s story, she shows how concepts can be applied in real life. She also shows how the issue of presence is urgent, as Brown and his fellow clergy faced life-or-death when it came to gang-related violence. Both showing up and listening do not necessarily sound very important on their own, but Brown’s story shows the stakes involved.
Cuddy emphasizes The Importance of Synchronicity Between the Mind and Body. Not behaving in a way that’s connected with one’s mind can lead to frustrating outcomes, such as her failure to give a successful elevator pitch. By bringing in Reverend Jeffrey Brown’s story, Cuddy adds a new dimension to the challenge. As a leader of a faith community, Brown is probably more accustomed to giving sermons and doing the speaking, but as he learned in his violence-torn neighborhood, talking without listening prevents us from accessing our authentic selves. The people around us can quickly determine if we genuinely are interested in them and their lives by how we listen. Brown was able to effect change in his community because he allowed the people in his neighborhood to see his authentic self.
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