Problematic Summer Romance

“Before the illness, before the accident, I’d been my mom’s best friend and Daddy’s little girl. I missed them so much, held inside such mountains of grief, I constantly felt on the brink of choking. Only one thing lent me air: my rage. It reached through my rib cage and pierced little holes in my lungs. It allowed me to function. It kept me alive.”

Here, Maya details how the loss of her parents affected her. These lines describe the pain of the loss, as well as of the trauma she felt losing such big influences and loves in her life. Following this, she describes the work she did to work through her trauma, which she was mainly able to accomplish because of the rage that kept her moving. Maya’s acknowledgment of the role rage played makes it clear that rage can be a useful emotion. However, Maya also attributes her poor behavior and choices to rage throughout the book, showing that rage can also be destructive. This passage illustrates What It Means to Love, since Maya’s grief is framed through the absence of that love, and rage becomes the only form of attachment she can access in their place.

“Conor and Minami falling in love—although Minami later fell out of love and married someone else. (Is that why Conor is a jackass? No. I refuse to blame women for a dude’s worst behaviors—although I will blame myself for still being attracted to him, even when I should know better.)”

This excerpt is an item in a list of Maya’s incomplete knowledge of Eli’s college background and his relationships with Conor and Minami. The information she doesn’t know fills out much of the plot in Not In Love. Hazelwood’s choice to have Maya unaware of the details highlights how Eli is his own person and also that siblings don’t always know everything about each other. It also acts as a reverse spoiler so that readers who read Problematic Summer Romance first might get curious about the previous installment in the series. The parenthetical text is Maya’s editorializing and commentary about how women have traditionally been blamed for men’s actions and choices. By thinking this, Maya makes it clear that Conor is responsible for his past romantic choices (not Minami or even Avery). Maya also takes responsibility for her attraction to him, showing that she can’t and won’t blame Conor for her feelings or choices.

“It occurred to me that maybe the reason Rue didn’t laugh much was that she struggled to figure out whether people were laughing at her or with her. That she didn’t speak because she didn’t know what to say. And that I could stand to be a little less self-centered.”

Maya thinks this while remembering when Eli and Rue first got together. For a while, Maya thought Rue didn’t like her because Rue rarely talked or laughed. When Rue stopped by while Eli was away, though, Maya realized Rue often felt awkward and didn’t know what to say, and this moment highlights how first impressions are not always accurate. It also shows that Maya has the ability to change her mind about people, even if she doesn’t do it often. Maya’s growing ability to empathize reveals a shift from self-centeredness to understanding. This growth helps bridge the emotional age gap that exists between her and Conor.

“‘Those two are so cute,’ I overhear an unknown, Irish voice say behind me. Tamryn, I think.

‘Maya’s so good with kids,’ Avery agrees.

Conor’s voice is a low rumble. ‘She was one most recently.’

My stomach asks if self-implosion is still off the table.

‘…kind of endearing, that the person Maya has the most in common with is a not-quite-two-year-old,’ Diego says.

‘Maybe we should set up a kids’ table for the under-thirty?’ Tisha muses.”

Here, Maya spends time with Minami’s daughter while the whole group is at dinner. This conversation takes place while Maya’s away from the table, and it highlights the age gap between Maya and the rest of the party in various ways. Conor’s comment is yet another way he tries to deny his feelings for Maya, and he speaks in a low voice knowing Maya will overhear him. The rest of the comments symbolize the crowd dealing with being in their thirties. To them, Maya seems young because age 23 felt like it was a long time ago. This moment emphasizes The Meaning of Age by showing how Maya’s age is used against her even when she demonstrates maturity, and how others infantilize her despite her actions. Their comments undermine her agency in a way that Conor later realizes is harmful.

“‘Don’t put yourself in the same category as Minami, or Avery, or Tamryn. You do not belong there.’

It’s the verbal equivalent of a slap in the face. A deliberate one, I suspect. A few short years ago, the cruelty of his words would have sent me down a spiral of self-loathing and inadequacy. But I’ve been in therapy for too long to allow Conor Harkness, or anyone else, to make me feel inferior.”

This dialogue from Conor followed by Maya’s reaction is a classic example of a miscommunication. Maya believes these words are an insult and that she doesn’t belong in a category with the other women because Conor believes she’s inferior to them. Maya’s reaction highlights how much she’s grown over the years; she doesn’t see Conor’s words for the compliment they are. Later on, it becomes clear that Conor meant Maya didn’t belong in the same category because Maya means more to him than the others ever would.

“‘Some people just like to see the world burn, Minami,’ he says.

‘What people?’

‘Terrible people,’ we say in unison, and our eyes lock.”

This exchange between Conor, Minami, and Maya comes after the rest of the wedding party has come down with food poisoning. Prior to these lines, Maya and Conor made a series of increasingly twisted jokes about the sick group, which Minami finally interrupted to wonder why they sounded like they were enjoying the misfortune. Conor and Maya’s responses highlight the connection between the two and also support why Conor never had such a connection with Minami. In addition, it highlights the similarities between Conor and Maya in how they think and view the world, sometimes feeling like they are not worthy of the world.

“‘Do we even have anything to talk about? I mean, you’re kinda advanced in age.’

His forehead furrows, a deeply etched scowl. ‘I was promised food, not beration.’

‘Oh, I can deliver both.’ I grin. Tilt my head. ‘It’s okay. We’ll find something. You can tell me how life was before electricity.’”

This exchange between Maya and Conor comes during a flashback chapter. The two are at breakfast together the morning after Conor came to Scotland to help Maya, and here, Maya breaks the quiet with a jibe at Conor’s age. These lines are an example of the banter typical of the romance genre and also the specific type of banter between Maya and Conor. It also symbolizes how Maya and Conor view their age difference differently. Maya’s jokes make it clear she sees no problem with the age gap while Conor repeatedly uses it as a roadblock to any kind of romantic relationship. This quote continues to highlight The Meaning of Age. Maya’s humor neutralizes tension and undermines the authority that age typically commands, proving her confidence and comfort with their dynamic.

“I think about the men and women who built this theater. The Greeks who sailed all the way over here and found the place too beautiful to leave, the Romans who joined them, the Arabs and the Normans and the House of Bourbon. The world is so big, and we are just clumps of atoms. What’s a tiny little bit of heartbreak, when faced with the vastness of mankind?”

This excerpt from Maya’s thoughts comes while she’s at the theater with Conor and Avery. Being surrounded by the vastness of history and culture makes Maya feel like her romantic problems are insignificant and shows her broader connection to the world, as well as her space in it. It also highlights Maya’s knowledge of Sicily and how she has intentionally learned things that are interesting and important to her, which makes her feel mature beyond her 23 years.

“‘Dude, this is what I hate about rich old white men.’ Nyota sags forward. ‘They never fail to embody the stereotype, and they’re so damn boring. They have their little midlife crises, and do they decide to invest in sustainability projects? Do they publicly advocate for women’s reproductive rights? Nope, they get married to a girl who was barely potty trained by the time they’d embezzled their first million.’”

These lines of Nyota’s dialogue come after the group learns Tamryn is Conor’s stepmother. While the lines are comic in nature, they are also a comment on stereotypes and cultural expectations. Through both real-life instances and media interpretations, rich white men have come to be known for finding a young, attractive wife when they hit their mid-life crisis years. Nyota acknowledges this stereotype here and also laments that more men don’t use their mid-life crisis to help better society or the world when they have the resources to do so.

“It’s a first, seeing the entire wedding party together in the light, and I cannot help noticing that these twelve disparate people Rue and Eli put together, all seem to get along.

More than that: they like each other. Paul is showing Avery pictures of his garden; Diego, Minami, and Sul are bonding over a video game that involves elf-fucking. Rue laughs with Tisha, and does not look like she’d rather be elsewhere.”

Here, Maya has entered the breakfast room after the party has recovered from the food poisoning incident, and Maya is immediately struck by how these very different people have come together so quickly. The varying activities show a wide array of interests, and the subgroups highlight how both new and old friends are engaging with each other, as well as the room as a whole. Further, the party encompasses a wide variety of cultures and races, making this moment an example of how differences in looks or background do not have to keep people apart. This image of unlikely harmony between people highlights What It Means to Love by presenting love and connection as shared effort rather than perfect alignment. It echoes Maya’s arc from guardedness to openness.

“‘You’—I point at him—‘could be a million years old, and you still wouldn’t be in a position of authority over me. Age is not always a proxy for power. It can be, sure, but I have absolutely nothing to gain from being with you, aside from being with you.’”

This quote embodies The Meaning of Age. Maya directly refutes the idea that age equals power, instead asserting that their emotional standing is equal. Her words make the case for self-aware, age-gap romance. Conor believes his wealth and lived experiences make the dynamic between himself and Maya too uneven for a healthy relationship. Maya argues here that, while this could be the case in another relationship, it is not for them. She has traveled abroad and experienced life. She also has her own money, and all she wants from Conor is his love. Thus, these lines highlight how there is more to an age gap than a number of physical years.

“‘I told you. It’s not—’

‘Safe? That’s not going to cut it. Because I could make it safe. I’m a responsible girl and I’ve had my fair share of hookups, so you don’t need to worry about that. If that’s what your peace of mind requires, you can stand outside my room to make sure that whoever I choose to sleep with doesn’t do anything untoward.’”

After Maya pretends to flirt with the guy during the pasta-making class, Conor intercepts her to call her out for potentially putting herself in a harmful situation. In truth, Conor hides his jealousy behind this, though Maya sees through his façade, which she makes clear by calling him out on safety. Maya’s dialogue also shows that she has engaged in casual sex and that she’s learned to be responsible. More broadly, this paragraph helps to normalize the idea of women engaging in and even initiating hook-ups to have the thriving sex life of their choice.

“The last couple of words are as close to yelling as he’s ever gotten with me. It makes my heart weigh a million pounds, how much he does, in fact, care. How misguided he is. How stubborn about the boundaries of the life I’m going to live, about the shape my happiness is allowed to take.”

These lines from Maya’s thoughts come during a flashback and her first phone conversation with Conor after he leaves Scotland. Conor has just forcefully told her he doesn’t care who she sees or has sex with, and Maya can hear how much he cares in his voice. This is the moment where Maya decides to stop flirting and just be friends with him because she realizes that she’ll lose him entirely if she pushes a romantic relationship. She doesn’t appreciate that he is trying to move her toward what he feels is an acceptable life for her, and she isn’t giving up on him. Rather, she is taking control of the situation in the way she feels best, which allows her to keep Conor in her life and also possibly show him that a romance can work. Conor’s protectiveness, even when misplaced, marks an effort to love her safely. But Maya’s disappointment shows that What It Means to Love includes allowing someone to define their own risks and boundaries.

“‘And for a while I told myself that it was fine, but then I realized that all this love he professed to feel for me was just…convenient. He wanted to be with someone who wouldn’t rob him of his control, like his dad had robbed his mom. He wanted to live with someone he could live without.’ She closes her eyes. ‘Still, I told myself, I can fix that. I can fix him. But I couldn’t. He had to fix himself.’”

Minami says this to Maya while the two discuss why Minami and Conor broke up. These lines include the moment where Maya realizes Conor has been more open with her than anyone else, which is the trigger for the final stretch of the book where Maya finally gets through to Conor. For Minami, these lines are a symbol of lessons learned. When she was dating Conor, she thought she could fix his emotional distress or, barring that, live with his distanced nature. Though it pained her to realize she couldn’t do either of these things, it was also freeing for her to admit the two of them just wouldn’t work. Minami and Conor’s history exemplifies how sometimes romantic relationships aren’t meant to work, and their friendship in the present highlights how being friends is better for them.

“I’d love to make someone feel the way they made me feel. Like the world doesn’t have to be a terrible, scary, lonely place. Like life can be kind.”

During a flashback phone call between Conor and Maya, Maya says this while they discuss whether they each want kids. Maya admits she does because she appreciates how much her parents cared about her and that she wants to be able to pass that caring along. Conor also wants kids, and Maya’s dialogue here highlights how their age difference doesn’t always translate to them being in different places in life. Maya has advanced degrees and job opportunities, but that doesn’t mean she can’t also want to be a mother. This quote contributes to The Pressure of Expectations on Relationships. Maya’s desire to pass on the love she received marks a transformation of personal loss into future hope and reframes parenting as a continuation of care.

“‘This is very like that Audrey Hepburn movie whose name I forgot, but—’

‘Roman Holiday.’ He shakes his head and mutters something about damn young people.

‘Okay, Grandpa. First of all, that movie was shot in the fifties or sixties, so don’t act like you stood in line to see its midnight screening on opening day.’”

These lines offer examples of Maya and Conor’s age-gap banter. Here, they are in the cave on the island as it starts to rain, and Maya likens the experience to the movie Roman Holiday. Conor’s response is both frustration with Maya not knowing things that have been a part of his consciousness and also a nod to generational differences. The humor masks a real cultural gap, yet the banter shows Maya holding her own. Conor’s muttered retort is part of his performative distance, while Maya resists being positioned as “too young.”

“Because. Because I…I want to try. Because it sounds rewarding and fun. Because the world needs teachers. Because I like kids. Because I love the idea of helping them get excited about something I’m excited about. Because I want to feel like every day has meaning.”

Maya says this when Eli asks her why she chose to teach elementary school instead of taking one of the job offers from California or MIT. Maya’s response shows what’s truly important to her—helping people and feeling like she’s doing something that matters. Within her broader explanation, she explains that both academia and industry are often more focused on money than actual discovery, which ties into Hazelwood’s broader mission to highlight the pressures of STEM fields. It also informs Maya’s decision to work with kids because she enjoys it and because she wants to help educate the next generation of brilliant minds.

“There’s a prehistoric flavor to this. Beautiful, yes, but also a reminder of the insignificance of our little lives. Job interviews and marriage certificates and normal range of iron levels and tax extensions and a fifteen-year age gap and even the Friedman doctrine…do they matter, when the earth is sputtering fire like a giant dragon?”

Here, Maya watches Mount Etna erupt. This passage calls back to her thoughts about heartbreak alongside the history and culture of the theater. Like then, Maya reveals how many things she knows or understands here. Hazelwood takes it a step further, though, to also highlight the things Maya must concern herself with on a daily basis (such as taxes) and also things she deals with as a woman (such as the struggle to maintain healthy iron levels as a person who experiences menstrual periods). Hazelwood works these things into Maya’s thoughts to help normalize women’s reproductive health but also to highlight how insignificant these typically important things feel beside the volcano spewing lava. Maya’s internal monologue reveals that the chaos of nature puts human concerns in perspective. The eruption of Mount Etna symbolizes the emotional eruptions that precede growth and resolution.

“‘Even though you’d told me that I was smart enough to figure out how to put together my own furniture, and that I couldn’t pick and choose the gender roles that I wanted to reject, or automatically assume that you’d do shit for me because I’m a woman?’

‘What you said, Maya, was “I’m just a girl, I don’t know how to use power tools, you have to do this for me,” which I refused to entertain.’”

This exchange between Maya and Eli comes as the two discuss Conor and how obviously he cares about Maya, at least from Eli’s perspective. Here specifically, Conor put up bookshelves for Maya while she was away, which Eli didn’t read much into at the time but now sees for the caring gesture it was. The actual conversation highlights how Maya has grown and also how she and Eli remember conversations two different ways. Eli quotes Maya’s exact words back to her, adding that he would not accept her gender as a reason she couldn’t use power tools. By contrast, Maya remembers the conversation as a lengthy discussion about gender roles, stereotypical activities, and her brother refusing to do stuff for her.

“Because you are twenty-two years old, Maya. Because you have a whole life ahead of you. Because every last fucking thing about this is problematic. I’ve been desperately trying to navigate the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me and still be fair to you, and I can no longer see a way to do it without taking something from you. If our relationship is keeping you from experiences that you should be having at your age, then I am taking advantage.”

These lines of Conor’s dialogue come during the phone call during which he breaks off his friendship with Maya. Conor uses the age gap as an excuse to push Maya away because he would rather break things off with logic than hurt her. He does not realize here that he is hurting her anyway. Conor’s words show that he equates love with risk, and risk with harm. His logic is distorted by trauma, but his fear is real. This moment represents the climax of The Meaning of Age, as he finally names the core fear behind his resistance.

 “Every day since that phone call, I spent remaking the choice to free you of my presence in your life, so that you could have a better one. Make no mistake, Maya: we may not have spoken or seen each other, but for the last ten months my relationship with you was the most labor-intensive and all-encompassing presence in my life.”

Conor says this during a late-night conversation with Maya in his room at the villa. Here, he finally admits that breaking off their friendship was a painful mistake for him, even though he wishes it wasn’t because he wanted it to be a good choice for both of them. His lines also show the futility of forcing distance where it doesn’t want to be forced. Despite not talking to or seeing Maya for the last 10 months, she has been an all-encompassing part of his life—just as much as or perhaps more than when they talked all the time. This quote embodies What It Means to Love. Conor finally names what Maya already knew: Love does not vanish with distance, and presence is not always physical.

“It’s awkward, too. People try to put forward their best traits, but a lot is at stake, and they are nervous, which is counterproductive. It’s the trial-run nature of it. Like there’s something to prove, a new level to graduate to. The need to discover whether a subeffective dose of someone you barely know might be compatible with your system, then slowly increase the intake, see if your organism tolerates it…it’s the kind of shit you do to get accustomed to poisons.”

Conor says this while he and Maya explore Sicily together after deciding to make a romance work. Maya asks if they are on a date, and Conor expresses his skepticism with the idea of dating as it’s understood in America, which highlights the flaws of dating. As Conor notes, dating is full of anxiety and trying to show off, which often results in confusing behaviors such as holding back or trying to only show positive qualities. Conor compares this to getting the body used to poison, and while the metaphor feels extreme, he isn’t wrong about the similarities between the processes.

“I want that, I think. I want to be that for him. I want him to be that for me.”

These lines of Maya’s thoughts come as she discusses Conor with Avery. Avery is glad Maya and Conor are together because she thinks they are well matched and will be good for each other. Maya’s thoughts here show that, even as certain as she’s been about Conor, there are still things she doesn’t know. She thinks she wants to be there for Conor and for him to be there for her, but even so, she is unsure, because a romance between them is new and different. More broadly, this highlights how Maya is still figuring herself out and how her relationship with Conor is different than any other she’s experienced.