Promise Me Sunshine

“But the thing about losing the person you love the most on earth is—somehow—you still have to do mundane things like tie your shoes and make enough money to continue to exist in this punishing world. So, I plod on.”

Lenny thinks this very early in the novel, yet this is also a lesson she has to learn throughout Promise Me Sunshine. While this quote shows Lenny’s perseverance through her grief, it also shows the toll that her grief has taken on her. In the context of her profound grief, daily life feels like a series of pointless chores. The phrase “plod on” conveys the absence of joy or pleasure in Lenny’s life, setting up her journey toward Learning to Live With Grief.

“I’m worried. Ugh. It’s my weak spot. I hate making other people worry about me. It’s why I’ve avoided my parents. Because then they’d see how I’m actually doing and everything would get so much worse.”

Lenny thinks this after Miles mentions that he is worried about her. Her fear of letting others worry about her is a significant character trait, one she must overcome as she learns The Importance of Seeking and Accepting Help. Rather than hurting others, Lenny would rather keep her grief to herself, even if it doesn’t help her.

“‘Look, I’ll spare you the suspense […] I used to live with my best friend in that apartment. And a couple months ago…she died.’ The words make my adrenaline start coursing through me. They don’t feel real. I feel like I’m doing a play. A really shitty play. ‘And saying “my friend died” doesn’t convey what really—she was my sister. No. My A-team. My other half. And I’m so fucking stupid because I didn’t realize she was my whole life until she was gone.’ The words are a waterfall and there’s no stopping it. I can’t look at him. ‘And I’m not…I’m not doing so well.’ A sob sneaks out. ‘And I can’t be at home because all her stuff is in the same place it was since—’”

This is what Lenny tells Miles when she finally admits the full truth to him about her grief. As she continues to speak about losing Lou, Lenny breaks down further, as evidenced by the sentences that get shorter and choppier as she continues. This quote also reveals how hard it is for Lenny to face her grief and even talk about Lou at this point in the novel.