PS: I Hate You

Inside the tattoo shop, Maddie and Dom meet Reggie and his wife, Carmen. They share how they met Josh in Oregon; he took a picture of Reggie proposing to Carmen at Multnomah Falls and offered them the shot for free. As compensation, they offered him a tattoo on the house at a time of his choosing.

When deciding what tattoos they’ll be getting, Maddie remembers a silly tattoo Josh got when he was young and drunk—half a peanut butter sandwich on his butt. She is shocked to learn the jelly portion of the sandwich is tattooed on Dom’s butt. To immortalize the memory of Josh, Maddie and Dom get matching tattoos on their inner wrists depicting the “Love, Josh” sign off from his letters.

While Dom is getting his tattoo, he hands Josh’s watch to Maddie to hold. Maddie discovers an inscription on the inside of the band, “Brothers, always—D” (140), revealing that Dom was the person who gifted Josh his beloved watch in the first place.

After getting tattoos and taking a picture, Reggie tells Maddie and Dom that Josh wanted his ashes spread in the nearby lavender fields. Dom expresses an indifference to lavender, saying it smells like Rosaline’s perfume. Maddie wonders if her own admiration for lavender scents began because she actually liked it or if that was “something [she] told [her]self [she] liked because when [she] was younger, [she] wanted to emulate Rosaline in all things” (144). Dom says that at least Josh liked the smell of lavender, and they spread his ashes into the breeze.

After she gets home, Maddie ignores several missed calls from her mother throughout her work week. She eventually picks up the day before her birthday, wondering if it is a call to celebrate. Instead, Cecilia says that Dom’s mother, Emilia, mentioned some journey Josh sent Maddie and Dom on. She asks for details to share with her followers, but Maddie believes it should stay private.

Cecilia’s shallowness reminds Maddie of the time she became so desperate for a parent to love her that she convinced Josh to locate their father. When Maddie called him, he expressed no interest in knowing them or guilt over abandoning them. Josh was so angry he berated their father before hanging up. He then told Maddie they don’t need parents because they have each other, always.

When Cecilia attempts to invite herself on the next trip, Maddie stands her ground and refuses to divulge any information. She is so offended by her mother’s lack of compassion for her or Josh that she cuts ties with Cecilia and blocks her number.

Dom and Maddie travel to Vulture City, Arizona—a ghost town—where they open Josh’s next letter. He invites them to explore the city while sharing stories about the Josh that only they knew. He tells them to be brutally honest, especially about his flaws, and tell each other things they regret not doing with him.

Josh then lists things he regrets not doing with Dom and Maddie. He regrets not taking Maddie to a bookshop in Wales and regrets not going to more Phillies games with Dom. He advises them not to have as many regrets as he does. He then instructs them to spread his ashes in the desert sand and take a picture with a cactus.

Before they can share stories, Maddie asks if her mother called Dom. He admits she did, but he rejected her pleas to join them on their travels. Dom then shares a story of how he and Josh conspired to have Cecilia’s car towed shortly after they discovered she threw away Maddie’s book collection when she was in high school. In return, Maddie shares a story of the time Josh went prom dress shopping with her and even tried on a few dresses himself.

As Maddie and Dom share more stories while exploring the town, her resentment toward Dom fades. When his stomach begins to growl, he pulls a healthy granola bar from his pack, which he grimaces at. Maddie remembers all the times he’s chosen healthy foods over guilty pleasures since they’ve known each other, even though it doesn’t make him happy.

She swats the healthy snack out of his hand and launches into a passionate rant about how he should stop doing the “responsible” thing and go for what he really wants. She hands him a box of Cheez-Its, which he gratefully eats. He shares that he eats healthy foods because, in childhood, when his parents were too busy with work, Dom fed his younger brothers and wanted to set a good example, and it became a habit.

Eventually, Dom shares a regret—he regrets not going with Josh on any of his trips; he always believed they’d have more time. Unable to be so vulnerable as to share a regret, Maddie instead shares good-natured remembrances of Josh’s flaws, like his terrible table manners, awful singing voice, and atrocious dancing.

Back at their hotel, Dom and Maddie venture to the pool. Maddie begins to wonder if Josh sent her and Dom on the trips together not because he believed her incapable of spreading his ashes on her own, but because he wanted her to be there for Dom. She decides to dedicate herself to being Dom’s friend.

Maddie makes friendly conversation with Dom about his job, and he reveals that it feels stagnant. He’s not applying for other jobs, however, because his current one is convenient. Maddie believes he’s undervaluing himself and deserves better.

Dom playfully pulls Maddie into the water while she’s distracted, and she jumps on him to get revenge. When the moment becomes more intimate than anticipated, she retreats back to her room—but not before telling a joke, which she hopes “let[s] him know it’s okay to joke and be silly and not be serious about every decision [he] make[s]” (178).

Their flight home is delayed, and Maddie worries that she will miss her connecting flight in Dallas. She falls asleep on Dom’s shoulder as they wait to board their flight out of Phoenix. Just before boarding is called, Dom allows Maddie to use his laptop to check her work email while he uses the restroom. Maddie gets distracted at a file on his computer labeled “Josh.” She snoops inside and discovers that Dom had been scouring academic papers for treatment options for Josh.

Maddie returns his laptop without him knowing she’s found the file, but the discovery changes the way she views Dom. She knows that he likes to take control and fix things and realizes that he must have felt helpless being unable to help Josh. For the first time since Josh’s death, she realizes Dom has an equal reason to grieve—he lost his best friend, who was more like a brother. On their flight out of Phoenix, Maddie resists the urge to hug Dom.

When the plane lands in Dallas, Dom shoulders Maddie’s bag along with his own to reduce her risk of an asthma attack as they rush to her gate. She is touched by his need to take care of her. They make it to the gate just in time, and Dom makes sure Maddie has everything she needs. She impulsively kisses him before rushing to board the plane.

After the trip, Maddie receives emails from Dom asking for her phone number, but she refuses. She believes that she needs the distance of emails so that she doesn’t make the same mistake of diving headfirst into her feelings for him, only to be left again. When Dom offers to send an embarrassing picture of himself in exchange for Maddie’s number, she gives in. He texts her a photo taken by Josh, depicting Dom sleeping by a poolside while a dog pees on him. Maddie sends a voice memo back of her laughing hysterically.