60 pages • 2-hour read
PS: I Hate You
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Symbols & Motifs
Sweatshirts
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of illness and death.
In PS: I Hate You, sweatshirts become a recurring symbol of how Maddie navigates physical and emotional closeness. She repeatedly articulates her discomfort with physical touch, particularly unprompted affection from others. Early on, she states, “I’m not a hugger. Can’t remember a time that I was…I have no instinctual urge to press my body against another’s. And when I’m prompted to, the act feels like […] an act” (63). However, she makes a crucial exception for sweatshirts, which allow her to engage in a rare version of intimacy she can tolerate—the piece of clothing itself, not necessarily the person wearing it, becomes the source of comfort.
This distinction illustrates Maddie’s need for a protective layer between herself and others, highlighting her struggle with The Risks and Rewards of Emotional Vulnerability. The softness of sweatshirts offers a mediated form of connection, symbolizing her desire for closeness on her terms. When Dom wears a hoodie on the anniversary of Josh’s death, Maddie narrates, “And the asshole is wearing a hoodie…it’s impossible for me to do anything other than step forward and slip my arms around his waist” (370). The sweatshirt bridges the gap between Maddie’s emotional resistance and her longing for connection. Though she desires Dom in this moment, she hasn’t yet chosen to reconcile with him romantically, so the emotional barriers are still up—hence the sweatshirt. This moment is also preceded by a scene earlier on in the novel when Jeremy visits wearing a baggy sweatshirt sprayed with cologne so that Maddie can hug him if she needs comfort.
Crying
Crying serves as one of the most powerful and paradoxical motifs in PS: I Hate You, embodying the non-linear, often muted nature of grief and the difficulty of Working Through the Complexities of Grief. From the beginning, as early as the moment of Josh’s diagnosis, Maddie confronts an inability to cry despite immense emotional distress. This impacts all areas of her life, not just the grief surrounding Josh’s death. After the motel incident with Dom during their trip to Delaware, she admits, “Even after the Motel Mistake […] I still haven’t cried […] I begged Josh to reach a hand through the veil […] But I didn’t cry” (59). Her inability to release emotion conventionally makes her feel broken and incredibly guilty, as if she is grieving “wrong.”
Throughout the novel, moments arise where Maddie is expected or even wants to cry but cannot. When Jeremy assures her, “We would’ve gone to the other side of the world for you,” referring to himself and Tula, she narrates, “See? This is a perfect time to cry. But my tear ducts are dry” (68). This repeated dryness symbolizes an internal stasis. Crying becomes a marker not just of sorrow but of emotional stagnation, due to her inability to show vulnerability to herself or others.
Lauren Connolly uses other characters to highlight this physical manifestation often seen in periods of grief. When Carmen, a practical stranger to Josh, cries at his memory, Maddie silently observes, “She can cry for my brother […] Why can’t I?” (132). The juxtaposition heightens Maddie’s self-alienation. Her tears eventually do come toward the end of the novel, but not in sorrow—rather in joy when she and Dom reconcile and vow to face life together. In the final chapters, when Maddie tells Dom she wants “all the days,” she cries for the first time in three years. This shift demonstrates that crying, in Connolly’s narrative, is not about sadness alone, but about permission to feel, to be open, and to reclaim emotional authenticity. It reflects grief’s complexity—how it is a deeply unique experience to the individual and valid in whichever way it emerges.
Puzzles
Puzzles function as a metaphorical device in PS: I Hate You, a symbol that represents the process of piecing together meaning, identity, and unresolved emotion. Josh’s tradition of sending Maddie photo puzzles captures his role in this journey for her. Maddie has built her identity around Josh, with his help, and without him, she feels as though she is starting from scratch on figuring out where her life will go next. Maddie recalls, “Whenever Josh took a shot he was particularly proud of, he’d commission a puzzle made out of it and mail the pieces to me […] The walls of my condo are covered in framed finished puzzles of his work” (100). The act of completing the puzzle is not about the picture alone but about the process of arrival and discovery, reflecting how Maddie must do the same for herself in rediscovering her identity and her self-confidence without Josh.
Josh also used puzzles to coax Maddie out of her comfort zone, as he told her, “To get you out of the house” (29). These puzzles were acts of emotional outreach, much like the puzzles given by the locations and letters Maddie and Dom receive. While Maddie often prefers her own puzzles, which allow her to remain isolated and at home, Josh’s puzzles force her to confront emotions, get vulnerable, and embrace connection.
Connolly also associates puzzles with emotional regulation and therapeutic introspection. When Maddie is overwhelmed, she uses a puzzle to calm herself, losing track of time: “The puzzle lulls me into a meditative state” (111). The motif represents how healing often happens unconsciously, piece by piece, illustrating the progression of her grief and healing. Ultimately, puzzles symbolize that through effort, time, and patience, the puzzles of life—love, identity, community, steps forward after grief—can be assembled into clarity, wholeness, and even things of unforeseen beauty.
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