Rejection: Fiction

The story unfolds over three parts. In the first part, “The Year of Damp Feet,” Kant, a 31-year-old Thai American man, comes out as gay to his family and friends in a mass email. Though he is initially nervous that they will reject him, they express unanimous support. Kant is underwhelmed since their support doesn’t make it feel like anything in his life has really changed. Instead of dating, he masturbates more frequently.

Kant has a sexual preference for sadism and degradation. This is the result of having been bullied and ignored by his peers growing up. He desires to recreate the abjection he experienced on the bodies of other men, so that he can affirm that he deserves his pain. Since he cannot willingly inflict pain on other people, however, he does not act on his sexual desires.

Kant uses online dating apps but is too picky and ashamed to connect with anyone. A Mediterranean man who claims to be a novice to sexual submission messages him. Kant agrees to meet, but when he goes to the man’s house, the man strips naked and asks to be spanked. Kant tries to do what the man wants, but the man keeps giving him feedback.