Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

Thomas argues that marriage serves as a profound analogy for understanding God’s relationship with humanity, rather than existing merely for companionship or procreation. He begins by illustrating how, according to Christian belief, couples cooperate with God to create new life, connecting this experience to the central biblical understanding of God as creator. Thomas then traces the extensive use of marital imagery throughout Scripture, noting how the Old Testament prophets, particularly Hosea and Isaiah, depicted God’s relationship with Israel as that of a husband to his wife—characterized by passionate devotion rather than cold obligation.

The chapter’s central thesis emerges through the analogy of reconciliation. Thomas presents marriage as a living demonstration of Christ’s reconciling work with his church, drawing heavily on the apostle Paul’s writings in Ephesians and 2 Corinthians. He contends that the primary purpose of Christian marriage is not personal happiness but pleasing God by modeling divine reconciliation to the world. This perspective represents a God-centered rather than self-centered approach to marriage. Thomas critiques what he sees as the Anglican reformers’ shift away from viewing marriage as a sacramental sign toward emphasizing it merely as a source of mutual comfort, arguing this diminishes marriage’s spiritual significance. While Thomas’s focus on reconciliation encourages couples to practice clear communication, humility, and commitment in marriage, it fails to account for circumstances in which reconciliation may be impossible or dangerous, such as abusive dynamics or unsafe behavioral patterns.

Writing within the evangelical Christian tradition, Thomas assumes readers accept biblical authority and share his theological framework. His analysis reflects a conservative Protestant view of marriage that prioritizes permanence and Christian evangelism over individual fulfillment. The chapter situates itself within centuries of Christian theological reflection, referencing Augustine’s threefold understanding of marriage (offspring, faith, and sacrament) while advocating for the sacramental dimension as paramount. Thomas acknowledges exceptions for divorce in cases of abandonment, infidelity, or violence, but maintains that most Christian divorces stem from distorted priorities rather than legitimate biblical grounds. He uses the metaphor of lightning-struck trees in wet forests to illustrate how marriages grounded in commitment to God can withstand difficulties that would otherwise prove destructive. His practical implication is that individuals who measure their marriage decisions by what pleases God rather than what maximizes personal happiness create resilient relationships that serve as powerful testimonies to divine reconciliation.

Chapter Lessons

• Marriage functions as a spiritual analogy that reveals truths about God’s character and his relationship with humanity, particularly through imagery of divine romance and reconciliation found throughout the Bible.
• The primary purpose of Christian marriage is to please God and demonstrate his reconciling work to the world, rather than to pursue personal happiness, avoid loneliness, or fulfill individual desires.
• When individuals ground their marriages in commitment to God’s purposes rather than personal satisfaction, they create relationships resilient enough to withstand inevitable challenges like temptation, conflict, and unmet expectations.
• Christian marriages serve as platforms for evangelism—spreading the teachings of Christianity—by displaying the benefits of putting God first, potentially drawing others toward faith through the visible witness of satisfying, reconciled relationships.

Reflection Questions

• Thomas suggests viewing God as a “husband” rather than fearing God as a “master” (29). How does this distinction affect your view of Thomas’s arguments? Does it change your approach to your relationships with God or your spouse?
• In what areas of marriage (communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, finances) might prioritizing the will of God lead to different choices than prioritizing personal happiness? What would those differences look like in practice?